The Mirrors
by adorablecullens
Summary: Teddy's secret and magical childhood is lost when a family heirloom is destroyed, changing his life forever. Now an adult, can Edward open himself back up to magic and love when he meets a beautiful - and hauntingly familiar - woman in real life?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For those of you who read Behind Enemy Lines, this is a very different type of story with some very similar themes – the unbreakable connection between two people after an extraordinary shared experience, and the willingness of two people who love each other to do almost anything to find – and save - one another. **

**The first four chapters of The Mirrors are about that shared experience. Unlike GYL, this experience is not rooted in reality, but in fantasy. So I'm asking for your willing suspension of disbelief (and a bit of patience) as you look into this incredible world that our two lead characters have somehow stumbled into. Or perhaps have been led to believe they've stumbled into …**

**I expect you to have a lot of questions, not the least of which is WTF - whose crack fantasy is this? I probably will not be able to answer a lot of those questions, as they are part of the mystery that underlies the story, and will be answered – both for you and the main characters themselves – near the end of the story.**

**Thanks for your indulgence. ~ AC**

~~ - ~~

_The young woman lay on her bed and wept as if her heart would break. But the reality is that it already had; it broke the moment she saw in her mind what had happened on that far-away beachhead in northern France. But she had foolishly allowed herself to hope that somehow, their marriage could still be permitted._

_It had not._

_Her love had returned from France several weeks after she'd had the vision, walking slowly down the gangplank of the boat, guided by one of his comrades. The bandages still covered his eyes. _

_It was a sickening irony that he had lost his sight, while she retained hers. All of hers._

_To her, blindness was nothing. She had Sight enough for two. Surely they could learn to live with it. Jack was her love, her only love, and she would endure any horror to be with him._

_Her parents had thought otherwise._

"_Mary, no. He will never be able to work again, or at least, not sufficiently enough to support you. I know this is difficult, but there can be no question of your marrying Jack now." Her mother had shared her sorrow, but there had been no swaying her. Or her father. _

_Within the year, she had been married off to a much more suitable man, a minister who had been widowed at a young age. Mary bore him a strong daughter, one to make them both proud. Her husband loved her and treated her kindly all his life, and Mary returned his affections. But she never forgot her first love. So she was grateful when her husband answered the call to become the minister to a growing congregation in the west. It was too difficult to live her life in the same small community as the man she loved but could not have._

_Her husband had died after a long illness; she had nursed him well so that he rested comfortably in his final months. He had been a gentle, decent man who had deserved a better end than the one fate had allowed. After his death, she moved in with her daughter and her new husband. There was some tension, as there was wont to be when there were two grown women living under the same roof. But the night that her first grandson was born, Mary had had a vision of startling clarity. And in seeing it, knew she could depart this world in peace when the time came. After that, she lived contentedly with the family in the role of willing grandmother and helpmate._

_Jack also married, a plain woman from a much less prominent family. A family with lower expectations. Jack's blindness had not taken away his inner talents, and he proved to be an incredibly skilful metal worker even with his blindness. He had hired a young apprentice who helped serve as his eyes on the tasks that required them. Together, they had run a modestly successful business. His wife bore him a lovely daughter. And he too, never forgot his first love, although he did his best to ensure that his wedded wife felt cherished all the days of their life together. _

_He lived long for a man who had endured much hardship in life. Lived to hear that his love had died far too young. This had saddened him immeasurably, although he could see her in his dreams – truly see her, the way he used to be able to. Lived to bury his wife. Lived to know his granddaughter, lived to see her (in a manner of speak) become a beautiful young woman. _

_And lived to see an extraordinary story of love begin once again._

~~ - ~~

The baby had been crying all night, and Esme was exhausted. Her little boy was teething for the first time, and nothing she tried would settle him down. Her poor angel just cried and cried, big fat tears of misery rolling down his chubby little cheeks as he swiped at his own gums. Carlisle was away at a medical conference, and Esme was discovering firsthand how hard it is to tend to a fussy baby in the middle of the night on her own.

Except she wasn't entirely on her own. At that moment, her mother appeared in the doorway in a blue bathrobe. _She always seems to do that, always seems to know the right moment to appear,_ thought Esme. It is said that she has the Sight, and some days, Esme can believe it.

"Let me take him for you for a bit, dear. Try to get some sleep. You must be so tired with Carlisle away."

"Mom, I'm sorry Teddy woke you. He's just in so much pain with his teeth." She laughed and sobbed at the same time. "Was I like this too?"

"Yes, you were," Mary said, taking her grandson out of her tired daughter's arms. "Go to sleep, Esme. I'll take him downstairs." And with that, she took the screaming baby downstairs. She ignored the frozen teething rings, picking instead an old short-handled wooden spoon from the drawer. Sitting down at the kitchen table, she showed the wooden spoon to Teddy. For a moment, he was distracted from the pain in his mouth by the new object. She guided the spoon end between his gums, and he bit down on the wood. After a few false starts, he began to chew industriously, the pressure relieving the ache in his tiny mouth.

"Yes, that's better, isn't it, Teddy?" she crooned, stroking his cap of dark blonde hair. He was the prettiest baby she'd ever seen – he'd be a looker when he got older. She got up after a bit and walked slowly through the darkened house, hoping he'd fall asleep on her shoulder. Her grandson stopped fussing, but he was wide awake as he chewed his spoon. After a while, she strolled into sitting room and stood before a full-length mirror, lost in thought.

The mirror was old, set in an intricate wrought iron frame. The iron in the frame had been carefully crafted into simple flower settings. Mirror and frame together were about five and a half feet high and three and a half feet wide. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship, every inch of it handmade, one of a kind.

Teddy looked up at her face and then turned in her arms. He saw the silver reflective surface of the mirror and gurgled with delight. His little hands batted at the mirror, as if seeking the baby he saw in front of him.

"What do you see, Teddy?" she asked, coming closer to the mirror. "Do you see something in the mirror? It has powerful magic in it, you know. When I look into it, I see much happiness for you ... and the righting of a great sadness. I saw it the night you came into this world that you would be the one." Her eyes had a far-away look. "But it is not you who will have the Sight in this family after I am gone. I won't live long enough to see your sister come into this world."

Mary drew up a ladder back chair and sat down. She cuddled his warm body close to her. He turned his green eyes up to her face once again and smiled, drool coming down his chin in streams. She wiped his chin with the edge of his blanket and smiled back.

"Would you like a story, my little one?" she asked. Teddy chewed on his spoon, and she took that as a "yes" from the one and only grandchild she knew she would live to hold. "A long time ago, in a far-away land, there lived a beautiful warrior princess with long red hair. Her country was terribly beleaguered by an army of cruel invaders ..."

~~ - ~~

And so Teddy's fascination with the mirror began.

Long after his grandmother died (far too young, only in her 60s, such a shock to the family), he could be found sitting in front of the mirror, apparently delighted by his own reflection. Given a choice, Teddy would almost always play with his toys in front of the mirror – not just any mirror, but _his_ mirror.

His parents lost count of the number of times they found him curled up there with his favourite blanket or stuffed toy, sound asleep.

"What do you see in the mirror, Teddy?" his father Carlisle asked casually one day, seeing his oldest son sitting in his usual spot on the floor. Esme was upstairs putting Teddy's younger sister down for a nap. Teddy and Alice were just 18 months apart in age. Little Alice had been a bit of surprise, but a wonderful one. Born the same night Mary had passed away so unexpectedly in her sleep of cardiac arrest.

"People," replied Teddy. Carlisle's eyes slid over to the mirror for a moment, then bounced back to his four-year-old pushing trucks on the floor. "Gran. A girl. A lady with long red hair. Sometimes a black monster. I don't like the monster." His father stood there, intrigued by his son's words. There was no question that Teddy was extremely intelligent; even at his young age, it was apparent that the boy had a bright future ahead of him. No doubt this creativity was part of his gift, his father thought.

"Can you draw me a picture of what you see, Teddy?" Carlisle asked. He went into his study and returned with a sheaf of scrap paper and a pencil. His son took the pencil and began to draw. The figures were relatively simple but still advanced for a child of his age. A little while later, Teddy pushed the papers over to his father with a hopeful smile on his face. Carlisle picked up the papers and looked at them ... and felt his skin prickle up in gooseflesh.

The first image was clearly ... clearly ... his mother-in-law. Who had died when Teddy was only 18 months old. _He must have seen a picture of her to get the likeness so right._ But it still made him uneasy.

He didn't recognize any of the other people Teddy had drawn. There was a grown woman with hair that fell to her knees. Some kind of shaggy-haired monster with fangs – more the kind of thing he'd expect from a four-year-old boy with an overly-active imagination.

And three or four images of a little girl about Teddy's age with chin-length hair and watchful eyes. He always drew that image with a long rectangle around it.

"Who's this, son?" he asked, showing the pictures of the young girl.

"I don't know their names. Except Gran."

"Why does she have the rectangle around her?"

"Because that's the only way I ever see her," said Teddy. "She's further away than the others. On the other side."

"Do you ever speak to these people?" Carlisle asked in spite of himself.

"No," said Teddy, puzzled. "How could I talk to them? They're inside the mirror."

Esme entered the room, her figure soft and slightly rounded. She was already showing, even though she was only in her second month. This would be their third child, and probably their last. Esme thought it would be a boy. She said her mother had told her before she had died that she had foreseen a daughter between two sons. Carlisle had smiled indulgently, but his mother-in-law's guesses had always been uncannily accurate.

"Admiring artwork, are we?" she asked, peering over her husband's shoulder. Esme gasped in surprise at the sight of her mother's face on the page. "Teddy! What a beautiful picture of Gran!" Her young son smiled shyly, flushed by all the attention.

"He says he sees her in the mirror," said Carlisle, trying not to let his trepidation show in his voice. He couldn't help it – he was a doctor, after all. Esme gave her husband a look and then smiled at her oldest boy.

"Maybe he does, Carlisle. Maybe he does."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well, nobody's thrown a rock at me yet, which I take as a good sign. So here's the second chapter, where we start getting into the really funkalicious stuff. Don't worry if you're not quite getting what's going on … it's supposed to be that way.**

**Oh, and props of course to algonquinrt, who read the first four chapters of this story without calling the men in the white coats on me. **

~~ - ~~

He was eight the first time it happened.

Not getting out of bed in the night … he had been doing that ever since he had gotten his big boy bed and figured out how to work the latches of the child safety gates at the top of the staircase. After that, Teddy had made regular trips downstairs to visit the mirror.

The mirror was better than the television, better than comic books or video games. Well, maybe not video games. But for sure better than television and comics.

He could remember the day that he realized that other people did not see the same things in the mirror that he did. He remembered being very frightened by this, but his Gran came to him that night in his dreams and told him it was okay.

"Is the black monster in the mirror real, Gran?" he asked her. He didn't like the black monster.

"Yes, Teddy," she replied in the dream, "but it can't hurt you the way you think it can. It can't touch you or bite you. Even if you stand in the same room with it. But it can take the things you love from you, so you must always be careful around it."

The mirror showed him wonderful sights over the years. There were stories, like movies, except there was no sound, but it didn't really matter. Teddy's favorite was one with lots of sword fighting and horses. In that story, a woman with long red hair and a man with hair so blonde it was nearly white fought an army of invaders and won. Lots of people died, and it was very exciting. At the end, the black monster came, but Teddy was sorely disappointed that the woman with the red hair didn't fight and kill it too. Instead, they circled each other warily, and then bowed to one another.

Sometimes there was a story of a beautiful sad lady and a man with no eyes. Teddy figured the lady was sad because the man had lost his eyes. He'd be pretty sad about that too. Other times, there was no story … just a continuous drifting of interesting figures in front of the mirror.

And most nights, far on the other side of the people in the mirror, sat the girl. Watching. Just like him. She had brown hair and was about his age. He knew she could see him because they waved to each other every time he was at the mirror. Teddy found it curious that the people in the mirror never changed, but the girl seemed to grow up the same way he did.

This was Teddy's magical and secret childhood.

He drew endless pictures of what he saw in the mirror. He kept a collection of sketch books that he shared with no one – instinct told him that what he saw in the mirror was for his eyes only. His parents had seen only a sliver of his artwork from the world behind the mirror.

A few days after his eighth birthday, Teddy awoke in the night and felt the strongest compulsion he had ever had to visit the mirror. He slipped downstairs in his X-Men pajamas.

There was no story in the mirror tonight. Then he saw her. The girl from the other side of the mirror. Except she wasn't on the other side of the mirror anymore. She was _inside_ the mirror. And she was not alone.

The black monster was there.

The girl was on the ground, her hands held up in defense as the black monster drew nearer. It was easily twice her size, and it grinned unnaturally as it approached. The girl was screaming something as the monster started to sniff her. Teddy could see her mouth moving, but he couldn't hear the sound.

His heart was pounding. What could he do? If he yelled, he would wake everyone in the house. Then they would make him go back to bed, and he wouldn't be able to help the girl. Besides, he didn't think they could hear him inside the mirror anyway – he couldn't hear them, after all. But the panic welling up in him demanded that he take some kind of action. The black monster circled the terrified girl, a horrible pointed tongue appearing from its mouth. He stepped up to the mirror and raised his fist to knock sharply on the glass. Maybe he could distract it so the girl could get back to other side.

Just before his knuckles rapped the mirror, the surface seemed to ripple slightly, like water. Instead of connecting with the cold reflective surface, his fist passed right through it. Teddy cried out in terror and jerked his hand back. He did it again. Same result. It didn't hurt at all. And he seemed to have no problem getting his hand back out. If he could do it for his hand, surely he could do it for his whole body.

And without further thought, he stepped straight through the mirror.

_It can't touch you or bite you. Even if you stand in the same room with it. But it can take the things you love from you._

He thought he knew what Gran meant now.

"Leave her alone!" he screamed, feeling foolish. He hadn't even thought of how he might drive the monster away – he didn't even have so much as a stick in his hand. The black monster whirled in place and stared at him. For a moment, Teddy felt fear so intense he nearly peed in his pajama pants. The thing was much bigger and scarier up close, its long black hair matted, its eyes red. He could tell right away that it was intelligent, like a person. He wondered if it could speak, and he shuddered at the thought of what its voice would sound like. For a moment, it seemed to grin in amusement at the little boy standing defiantly in front of it. Then it coiled back on itself like a snake and bounded away.

Teddy was left trembling and facing the girl. She was still sitting on the ground, panting, her eyes huge. "You okay?" Teddy asked awkwardly. The girl looked scared but she wasn't crying, and Teddy was secretly impressed by this. He wasn't sure if he could have done that without crying. He noticed that she was wearing some really cool Rugrats pajamas.

"Yes. Thank you for chasing it away," she said in a small voice. "Could you hear me shouting for you? I was yelling for you, but I didn't know your name."

"No, I just woke up and came down," he said. "My name is Teddy." He felt for a fleeting second like there was something else he should say, but that thought vanished immediately.

"I'm Swan," said the girl. She paused for a moment, frowning a little. Then she brightened. "Where do you think this place is?"

"Dunno," said Teddy. "Maybe it's like from a book … Narnia? That would be really cool."

"There was no big black monster in _The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe_ trying to eat you," said Swan with a shudder. Teddy saw this as an excellent opportunity to show off his knowledge.

"Oh, the black monster won't hurt you," he said wisely. "It doesn't bite. My Gran told me. Sometimes I see her in here too." Swan looked suitably impressed.

"Neat," she said. "But I still don't like the monster no matter what your Gran says." On that note, Teddy turned to get his first look at the world inside the mirror.

The two of them were standing in the pajamas on the crest of a wide, sloping hill. Teddy realized with a thrilling shock that they were _outside_, even though the mirror hung in the sitting room of his house. It was nighttime here too, but the moon and stars were so bright that there was enough light to see by. There was a forest and, further off, the smell of the sea.

"Wow," he said, his eyes wide. Suddenly a scary thought came to him. "How do we get back?"

"The same way we came in," Swan said, jerking her thumb to the right. "I've already tried and it works." Teddy looked in the direction she pointed and saw the framed rectangle standing starkly against the moonlight. He looked back in the direction he had come from, and saw a similar frame on his side.

"Cool," he breathed. "This is like our own secret world. We can come here whenever we want and just hang out." He began to imagine hiding out in here whenever his mom and dad asked him to do chores or – worst of all – play girl games with Alice.

"No, we can't," said Swan glumly. "I tried already. During the day … it's like it's locked. You can only come through at night."

"You've been in here before?" he asked in amazement. Swan nodded.

"Only once or twice, just for a minute or two. I was afraid I'd get stuck in here to stay any longer. But now that you're here, I feel safer." Swan's cheeks suddenly went red.

"Too bad," he said uncomfortably, then changed the subject. "Do you see all the same people I do in the mirror? Like …do you see the lady with the red hair?"

"Uh-huh," she said. "I like that one, although I don't know why she doesn't kill the black monster at the end."

"Me neither," said Teddy. The two stood in silence, looking shyly at one another. "Do you think we're allowed to explore in here?"

"I don't know," said Swan doubtfully. "I think I want to stay here and just watch. Because I don't want to see the black monster again." Teddy was half-annoyed, half-relieved by this, and plunked down in the grass to see what would happen next. Swan followed.

The night sky was beautiful, the grass soft and the air was sweet. They sat there in anticipation, wondering what the land inside the mirror would show them. But what happened next was beyond any expectation.

Without fanfare, a second moon began to rise. It was bluer and a little smaller than the white moon that hung in the sky now. It was the most alien thing Teddy had ever seen, and his skin crept with goose bumps.

Another world, inside the mirror.

A harsh call split the air, and both children jumped. A black shadow crossed the front of the second moon. By its outline, it looked like a bird of some kind … like a really big gull. Teddy thought it was a condor. Swan thought it was an albatross. It was probably neither, but it was beautiful. It was joined by a dozen or so of his friends, and they crisscrossed the night sky, wheeling and swooping in front of the two moons in a magical aerial show.

The two of them stretched out to watch, turning occasionally to look at one another in wonder. After so long watching the world inside the mirror alone, it was a wonderful thing to finally have someone to share it with.

And while they were lying there, Swan suddenly spoke without looking at Teddy.

"Thank you for saving me," she said. "You are very brave, you know."

Teddy got a funny feeling in his stomach when he heard Swan say he was brave. It was like the feeling you got when you were on a ride at Disneyland, only better. He didn't quite know where to look, and he felt his face turn red. He peeked at Swan out of the corner of his eye.

She was kinda pretty for a tom-girl, he decided. Her hair was brown, chin-length. She had brown eyes, the exact color of Hershey's chocolate syrup. Her lips were a pale pink, and her front teeth were big and stuck out a little bit. He wondered if kids teased her about that.

Swan suddenly glanced over at Teddy and saw him looking at her. Her cheeks flushed, and she smiled. Teddy smiled back at her, his heart bumping strangely in his chest.

He was still smiling when he fell asleep under the night sky. In the world inside the mirror.

~~ - ~~

Teddy woke with a start. Sun was streaming in the window. He was in bed, in his own room. In his own world. It was Saturday, no school today.

_How did I get back to bed?_

_Was it a dream?_

He jumped up out of bed, his strawberry blonde hair tumbling over his eyes. He pushed it back impatiently and looked down at himself. Still wearing the X-Men pajamas. He inspected them closely, looking for grass stains. Nothing. Checked the bottoms of his feet. Clean. There was no evidence to suggest he had spent the night sleeping outside in the grass in another world.

He ran downstairs to the mirror. It was exactly as he had left it last night. He reached up and his fingers brushed its cool silvery surface. Teddy pushed more firmly on it. Nothing yielded.

_Just a dream._

Teddy wanted to cry. It had been so real. Just like in the books his dad read him. But it had just been a stupid dream.

Swan. Was she real?

_Probably not. _

Teddy felt his eyes prickle with tears. Just a dream. Not real.

"It was real. She's real," said a soft voice behind him. He turned quickly to see his little sister Alice standing there. She was only a year and a half younger than he was, but she barely came up to his shoulder, even with her short black hair sticking up like it was right now.

Her expression was calm, and her strange eyes fixed and bright. Teddy knew she was seeing something. His heart leapt against his ribs.

"Not a dream, Alice? For sure?"

"I see it," said Alice simply. "I see _her_." There was a moment of silence, and Teddy watched as the vision faded from Alice's mind. She blinked and looked at her brother with a hopeful smile. "Play with me?" she asked.

"Sure," said Teddy automatically, even though Alice always wanted to play stupid girlie things like dress-up and Barbies. For the little bit of hope she had given him this morning, he was willing.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So far, so good. No, the black monster is not Jacob, although I give props to hmonster and ninapolitan for suggesting it. And children's hair does get darker as they get older.**

~~ - ~~

_I am the luckiest guy in the world._

And perhaps he was.

As Teddy grew, so did his accomplishments. He was an A student; his best subjects were math, English and art. A good all-around athlete who excelled at track and soccer. A budding artist. But most of all, Teddy was loved. Popular with his mates, chased by the girls for his good looks, worshipped by his younger siblings. Even his teachers could find no fault in the eldest Cullen boy.

And at night … well, at night, he had the world inside the mirror. And his secret friend – his best friend – Swan.

But in the time that Teddy and Swan had known each other, they had learned that the mirror's magic was not without a price.

First, they could not go into the mirror every night. If Teddy forced himself to stay up or if he set his alarm, the mirror would refuse him entrance. It would simply be a mirror, reflecting back at him. He was only allowed into the mirror on the nights when he woke up and felt it pulling at him. As was Swan.

The more time they spent together, the more they learned about the mirror and its demands.

Teddy first noticed it when he entered the mirror time and again with the intent of telling Swan where he lived. Yet every morning, he would wake up and realize he had simply forgotten.

The next time, he wrote "I live in San Francisco, California. Where do you live?" on his hand. He had his eyes fixed on it when he stepped through the mirror. Yet when he looked at his hand inside the mirror, it was blank. He tried to grasp the flickering thought that teased at his mind … what was it that he wanted to tell Swan?

When he awakened the next morning, the words were there again – mocking him.

The same thing happened with his telling Swan his full name. His address. His email address. IM screen name. Phone number. His parents' names, his siblings' names. Nothing.

He wrote the questions down on a sketchpad and carried it through the mirror. But when he reached the other side, his hands were empty and the memory of it erased until he woke up the next morning. That was when they learned another price the mirror demanded – nothing in, nothing out. They tried carrying out flowers, pretty stones, feathers … and emerged empty-handed on the other side.

Teddy tried everything … he wrote on the inside of his pajamas – getting into fearsome trouble with his mom for his efforts. He even scratched his last name in tiny letters into the skin of his forearm once. Nothing worked, although he had taken plenty of ribbing at school about that one.

Finally, he decided he would try to leave the mirror world through Swan's door. Of course, that idea was wiped from his mind as soon as he entered the next time. And for a full two weeks afterward, the mirror would not let them back in – almost like it knew what he wanted to do. That was seriously creepy.

Uneasily, Teddy realized that although the mirror brought him and Swan together at night – when it so chose – it also ensured that they could never find one another in the real world.

~~ - ~~

The weeks turned to months. Which turned to years.

Teddy and Swan grew up together. Fought together. Raced each other across the grass under the twin moons. Talked, teased, argued, made up – a lot. And kept the monumental secret of the mirror.

Much to their disappointment, they were not allowed to go into the more interesting parts of the world behind the mirror – the forest, the sea and the other hidden places beyond them were all off-limits. The hill and the meadows that lay in its shadow were their playground. They never had to be told this – they only felt an intense prohibition deep within themselves the first time they had tried to breach the forest.

None of the people they saw ever spoke to them. The only creature that was aware of them was the black monster, and even it took their presence for granted most nights. It would occasionally come around sniffing at them, looking hungry. At first, both children were afraid of it, but eventually, they just ignored it.

Tonight, they had raced twice around the grass slope, Teddy winning both times. But Swan was not far behind. She was nearly 11, but still very much the same tom-boy that Teddy had met the first night.

"Look," said Swan pointing to a particularly beautiful meteor etching its way across the night sky. They admired it in silence together. "Teddy?" she said hesitantly. "Do you ever wonder … if this is real?" There was a pause. "Maybe it's nothing more than a dream. I mean … we're old enough now to know that this kind of stuff really shouldn't exist. This place shouldn't exist. No one should be able to walk into another world from their living room."

"Yeah," said Teddy. "I always wonder what my friends would think if I told them about this place."

"They'd think you were barking mad," said Swan. She had taken to reading British novels as of late, and had added several new expressions to her vocabulary. "Maybe we are barking mad." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "Maybe we're both _crazy_."

Teddy contemplated this idea for several moments. It was not a pleasant one. Especially considering that the mirror prevented them from removing even the slightest bit of evidence to prove that this world existed. No one would ever believe them if they did tell.

"I don't care," he said defiantly. "If this is crazy, I like it." That made Swan laugh, and turned to other, less worrisome topics of conversation.

~~ - ~~

But the idea of being crazy never entirely left Teddy's mind. And his desire to find something – anything – they could take out of the mirror world did not abate. He had to know for himself, prove to himself, that he wasn't crazy.

The seasons turned once again, and now they were 12. Teddy was still the fastest and won all their running races. But somewhere along the way, he realized that some things had changed.

Standing beside her one night, Teddy shocked to discover that Swan was taller than he was. How had this happened? He had always been the taller of the two. He eyed her nervously out of the corner of his eye. This was not good. Only one way to deal with it.

"C'mon. Let's play tag. I'll be It first and give you a head start." Swan bounded off down the hill while Teddy counted a 10-second head start. Then he raced after her. She led him on a merry chase through the meadow and over the creek at the further boundary of their play space. As she was racing through some bracken on the edge of the water, Swan tripped. She did that a lot – Swan was clumsy.

"Gotcha!" he shouted, leaping on top of her as she attempted to scramble to her feet. They wrestled half-heartedly for a while, then stopped to catch their breath.

"Rats," said Swan inelegantly after a while. "I have those little burrs in my hair." She sat up and began picking the clinging bits out of her hair. Teddy leaned over to help – he had been the victim of these burrs before as well.

As they picked, Teddy glanced down at Swan. She was wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt, her usual sleepwear. But even in the loose shirt, he could see that Swan's body was no longer the same as it had once been. She looked … different. There were small, soft curves where there hadn't been before. She even _smelled_ different – sweeter, prettier. Being this close to Swan made him feel funny inside. Teddy didn't really understand it, and it scared him. He didn't want Swan to change.

"Thanks," said Swan as they pulled the last offending object out. She smoothed her hair back, and Teddy realized her hair was almost down to her shoulders.

"Your hair is long," he suddenly said. Swan turned and looked at him, hurt.

"I've been growing it. Of course you didn't notice," she said. Then her face looked uncertain. "Do you think I should cut it?" Teddy gaped at her, his eyes wide. Why was she asking him a question about her hair? He groped about in his mind for an answer, but nothing came to hand.

"No! No, I like your hair. It looks pretty when it's long," he blurted out, then instantly went red in the face. _I can't believe I just said that!_

"I like your hair too," she said. Looking equally embarrassed, Swan suggested they race back up the hill. This seemed like an excellent way to break the awkwardness, so Teddy immediately leaped to his feet. This time, he held back a little and let Swan win the race. She gave him a dirty look the top, like she knew exactly what he had done. She always knew.

Now they were just Teddy and Swan again. Which felt a whole lot better to him.

~~ - ~~

The next time they met, Swan was bursting with excitement.

"I think I've figured something we can take out!" she shouted, jumping up and down. Teddy was thrilled, but irritated that Swan had figured out a problem before he did.

"Oh yeah?" he said a little grumpily. "Well, I bet it won't work." Swan's excited face fell and for a moment, Teddy thought she was going to cry. That thought panicked him. "I was just kidding! Tell me your idea. Please?" he amended hastily. Swan didn't look convinced, but continued.

"Look," she said, holding out her open palm. Sitting across the center of it was a single hair. A strawberry blonde hair. One of his. "I found it on the shoulder of my pajamas the morning after we were last here." Teddy stared at it for a while, then realized what she was saying.

"Hair? We could take each other's … hair? But we haven't any scissors!" She rolled her eyes at him.

"Idiot," she said. "We don't need scissors. We pull it out." With that, she reached up to her head and plucked out a couple of strands. "See? We'll just pull out a few at first, to see if it really works." Teddy made a face – he hated the feeling of his hair being pulled. Swan ignored him and pulled out several strands of her hair, wrapping them around her finger and handing the little coil to him. He put it in the pocket of his sweatpants. "Your turn."

Grudgingly, he pulled out some of his own hair and handed it to her.

"Let me know what happens next time, OK?" she asked. Teddy nodded.

~~ - ~~

The next morning when he awoke, the first thing Teddy did was check his pocket. There were the strands of her hair, still neatly curled up.

Finally. Proof. He was not crazy. Swan existed. The mirror world existed.

He ran his finger along the length of the shiny brown hairs. They felt nice and silky. Holding them to his nose, he sniffed them. They smelled ever so faintly of strawberries. That made Teddy feel very funny in his stomach again, and he felt an answering tug in his groin. He blushed, realizing that just thinking about Swan made his body do all the weird new stuff that his dad had told him about.

_But Swan is my friend,_ he thought in confusion. _My best friend. I don't want anything to change._

~~ - ~~

But change came – whether Teddy wanted it to or not. The next year was the last year of junior high school for him. He was still shorter than Swan – shorter than a number of his old friends who had suddenly started to sprout up in height. Occasionally, his voice wobbled and went really high, embarrassing him immensely. Some of the boys in his class started to look a lot different than he did.

And girls started to call their house. A lot.

"Occupational hazard of being the cutest boy in the class," said Carlisle one night to Esme as he called Teddy to the phone yet again to talk to a girl. And they both grinned in delight and sympathy as their oldest son began the slow – and painful – march into adolescence.

Neither of them had any idea as to the magnitude of the pain that was about to be visited upon them.

~~ - ~~

Teddy awoke with a start, his heart pounding and his body lightly covered in sweat. He jerked his head to the clock – 6 a.m. Much too late to visit the mirror. Something else must have woken him. He wrinkled his brow … he had been dreaming.

_Oh my God …._

He had been dreaming about Swan. He had been dreaming about … _kissing_ Swan. Touching her. And she had touched him back. In places no one had ever touched him before.

Teddy realized he was lying on his stomach. He shifted slightly, and a wave of dread came over him. He slowly lifted himself up and looked down. And immediately slammed back down on the mattress, covering up the damp spot on the sheets. The front of his shorts and the bottom of his t-shirt were all wet and sticky.

_Nononononononono…._

His first wet dream. _Swan_.

It was scary. And confusing.

And amazing.

~~ - ~~

They were lying on the grass together, looking up at the twin moons. There had been all kinds of fun stuff to watch tonight inside the mirror. Including a dragon, which they rarely saw. Both of them knew it was time to sleep, but the excitement of seeing it flying against the moons, spouting fire, hadn't worn off yet.

They had gone through the nightly ritual of swapping hair. Teddy kept a little rope of Swan's long brown hair inside an envelope between his mattresses. Along with a tattered copy of a _Playboy_ magazine that one of his friends had snitched out of his dad's bedside table.

He wondered where Swan kept his hair.

"That was so fucking cool," said Teddy for about the hundredth time. _Why can't I think of something clever to say?_

He knew Swan was smiling beside him, but he didn't dare look over at her. His body's reactions were becoming wildly unpredictable, and he didn't want to get a boner in front of Swan.

"I know," she said. The wind blew lightly, and her hair stirred around her, drenching him in her scent. He clenched his hands and tried to think about the dragon again. That helped. And very slowly, they both drifted toward sleep.

He sensed rather than saw her movement. Very cautiously, Swan moved her arm. Teddy could feel the warmth of her skin close to his, and then felt the tips of her fingers brush against his hand. It felt like an electric shock when her skin touched his, and his sudden indrawn breath seemed very loud in the night. He could feel her fingers trembling a little against his, waiting for him to respond to her tentative gesture. He felt frozen in place, his heart pounding wildly.

_Hold her hand, you idiot!_

As if responding to a shouted command, Teddy suddenly opened his sweaty fist and grabbed Swan's hand clumsily. It was all kinds of awkward, and embarrassing as hell. But he did it.

Girls tried to hold his hand all the time at school now, and Teddy didn't usually like it when they did. It made him feel embarrassed and silly. But when Swan held his hand, it didn't feel that way at all. Her hand was small and warm, and fit inside his larger hand perfectly. And instead of feeling silly, he felt butterflies inside.

He lay on his back, feeling his heart beating so hard he was sure Swan could hear it. He moved his thumb very tentatively against the back of her hand, and he felt another jolt of … something … go through his body. But this time, he was fairly sure he heard Swan's answering sound.

_Does she feel the same way when we do this?_

He let his thumb rub in circles on her hand, letting the strange sensations run through his body. The white moon had set, which meant there was much less light – for which he was very grateful because it made it much harder for her to see the sudden bulge in his sweatpants.

Sleep came suddenly, swamping his body's unfamiliar reactions to Swan's touch. They fell asleep, hand in hand.

~~ - ~~

It had been three days since he had been inside the mirror, and Teddy had suddenly turned into a spastic bundle of nerves. He snapped at everyone – his parents, his friends at school, Alice, even his little brother Emmett. He was running his hands through his unruly hair so much that he didn't think there'd be any left for Swan to take.

Just the thought of Swan sent his mind into overdrive. Would it be weird seeing her after holding hands? What if she wanted to hold hands again? What if she didn't? What if she tried to _kiss_ him? What if she didn't?

His parents wrote off his twitchiness to teenage hormones and gave him space. His friends just gave him a hard time. Alice and Emmett stayed away.

He twisted and turned in bed, wishing he could fall asleep. Wishing he could see Swan. Wishing he didn't have to see Swan.

_I wish I were a grown up_, he thought morosely. _They never have any problems._

~~ - ~~

But when he awoke in the middle of the night, he wasn't nervous anymore. The mirror's call overrode everything.

When he stepped through the glass, she was already there. She was wearing pink sweatpants. And a white ribbed top that was a little snugger than her usual baggy t-shirt. Teddy's heart suddenly sped up.

Swan was _pretty_.

He _liked_ Swan. He _more than liked_ her.

And when did Swan start wearing pink girlie clothes?

He stood there staring at her like an idiot. Swan seemed freaked out by his staring and turned her face away. Teddy gave his head a shake and shuffled up to her.

"Hi," he said awkwardly.

"Hi," she replied. There was a moment's silence, and they both sat down on the grass. Teddy made a face as she handed him a little bundle of hair – she always pulled hers out right away without complaint. He hated pulling his hair out. "Here," she said suddenly. "Let me do it."

As soon as she started touching his hair, Teddy felt his whole body react. He didn't even feel the little pinches as she pulled his hairs out one by one. All he knew was that Swan was close, and he wanted … something. But he didn't know what. The desire to get up and run away was almost as strong as the desire to touch her. In the end, he just sat there rigid as a statue, trying not to make any embarrassing sounds.

"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked, pocketing the little bunch of hair. He shook his head a little wildly, not sure where to look or what to do. Out of nowhere, Swan's face was suddenly very close to his, and her warm lips touched his cheek, just for an instant. He felt heat come rushing in where her lips had been, spreading across his face. "Race you!" she yelled and took off running.

Teddy scrambled belated to his feet and shot off after her. And once again, they were just Teddy and Swan.

Much later, they were sitting on the grass together, talking. Swan's head came up warily as the black monster appeared over the crest of the hill. It had been a long time since it had bothered them.

"Beat it, shithead," said Teddy loudly. They both giggled – profanity was his newest area of expertise, and he loved to show it off.

But it didn't leave. It settled down on its haunches and stared at Teddy hungrily. They were both creeped out by it. It showed no signs of departure.

There was a sound. A little metallic rattling sound, unlike any they'd ever heard inside the mirror before. Swan's eyes grew wide in alarm.

"What was that?" They both looked around, standing up. The rattle came again, behind them. They turned and saw nothing but Teddy's mirror. Which suddenly jolted a little where it hung, unsupported, in mid-air. "What's going on?" said Swan, her voice suddenly filled with fear.

"I don't know." He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and he turned quickly to see the black monster slinking forward. It was looking at him in a way he'd never seen before, and suddenly he wasn't sure his Gran had been telling him the truth about it not being able to hurt him.

But then there was a terrific noise, and Swan screamed. Then things started to happen very quickly.

The mirror wasn't just rattling a little – it was leaping up and down like it was possessed. There was a distant sound, like thunder or a train going through a tunnel. Through the hazy portal of the mirror, Teddy could see the sitting room of his house. Chairs and tables were going crazy in the room, twitching around of their own accord. The mirror gave another tremendous heave, and he could see plaster dust and an overhead light fixture falling in the hallway.

"Shit. SHIT! I think … I think it's an earthquake. At home. I don't know what to do … what should I do, Swan?" he cried, turning to her. Her eyes were huge with fear, and the mirror gave another ferocious bounce, suddenly hanging askew. At that, Swan grabbed Teddy's hand and started running toward the mirror.

"You have to go … go back. Right now! Hurry … hurry!" She was dragging at him, pushing him toward the jittering mirror and the chaos on the other side.

"But … but Swan … it's not safe … it's an earthquake …" But terror had made Swan strong and she was now physically shoving him up to the portal.

"You have to … if it breaks … what if you get stuck in here forever, Teddy?" she screamed. Her panic was full-blown now, tears streaking down her face. The noise from Teddy's side of the mirror was thunderous now, and Teddy saw someone – his father maybe – run past the mirror.

"Stay, Teddy," said a horrible guttural voice to the left. He knew it was the black monster, its voice finally come to haunt him after all these years. "Not safe on that side. Stay with me. Forever."

"N-n-no!" Teddy shrieked, trying to push back against Swan. "I'm SCARED, Swan! I don't want to leave you!"

"GO!" she screamed and pushed him through the mirror with every bit of strength she had. Teddy felt himself flying backward. He screamed at the top of his lungs and flung out a hand, but it was too late.

A second later, he was in the middle of the sitting room with chunks of plaster falling all around him. The ground was shaking violently, and the noise was horrific.

"NO!" he screamed, his eyes wild. He tried to stand, but the heaving ground knocked him back down. There was nothing he could do as the mirror dropped from its last anchor, slid down the wall and crashed face down on the floor in front of him.

"TEDDY!" his father screamed from the dining room. Teddy turned his head and saw his family huddled under the heavy dining room table. "BACK AGAINST THE WALL!" Obediently, Teddy scooted backward along the floor until his back was pressed against the wall.

The shaking felt like it went on forever. And then, it stilled.

And that was the moment that the magical and secret childhood of Teddy Cullen ended.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: I believe this is what algie referred to as "a heartfail" of a chapter. She's hiding under her back-up hoodie as I post this chapter, so I'm feeling guilty. We have one more chapter of sad, and then we move ahead in time to present day.**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the last chapter before we move ahead to the present day. It's also the chapter with the most sad and angst … after this, things will start to change. Although perhaps somewhat slowly.**

**Thanks as always to my awesomest US counterpart algonquinrt for helping me research the psychiatric stuff. And update my sadly outdated music collection. That said, if you want to listen to music while you read this chapter, my choice is **_**Penelope's Song**_** by Loreena McKennitt. **

**Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed and joined the thread on Twilighted. As always, you rock. **

~~ - ~~

There was a moment of utter stillness. The sound of plaster and falling objects was all around. There were shouts from outside the house.

Carlisle watched as his oldest son crawled through the wreckage of the sitting room. To kneel in the broken glass and plaster around his grandmother's mirror. With more strength that he would have given Teddy credit for, he levered the huge wrought-iron frame over on to its side, then lowered it gently to the floor.

It was utterly shattered.

The sound of his son's scream of agony was worse than any sound Carlisle had ever heard in his life.

There was a terrible dull smashing sound as Teddy raised his fists in the air and slammed them down into the empty frame of the mirror. He was screaming something over and over again, but Carlisle couldn't understand what he was saying.

Blood started to pour down his arms, and Carlisle could see the remaining slivers of the mirror embedding themselves in his forearms. Leaving Alice and Emmett with Esme, he shot out from under the dining room table and slithered across the dust-covered floor.

"Swan, oh my God, Swan," Carlisle could hear him sobbing as he came up behind him and captured his bloody hands gently in his own.

"Teddy, Teddy, it's OK. It's just a mirror. It can be fixed. We'll put new glass in it and everything will be fine again. It's just a mirror."

As soon as he said that, Teddy went insane.

His body convulsed, sending his father flying backward on to the floor. His eyes went wild as he started clawing at the mirror and screaming.

"SWAN!" he shrieked, so loudly that Carlisle flinched back. "Dad, you don't understand … I have to get back to Swan! She's in there with the black monster all alone and she can't be in there alone! She's alone and I love her, oh my God, I love her and now I'll never be able to find her again …"

Under the dining room table, Alice erupted in a howl as soon as the words left Teddy's mouth. "NO, TEDDY!" Alice screamed. "NO! DON'T SAY THAT!" Esme wailed in fright and pulled her daughter tight against her.

At the same time, Carlisle scrambled to his feet and caught Teddy in a firm hold. Teddy began thrashing and screaming, spittle flying from his mouth. But his small 13-year-old body was no match for his father's greater strength. Once Carlisle had him restrained, he turned to Esme.

"Call 911," he shouted. "NOW!"

And as his brilliant, beautiful son writhed beneath him, snapping at him like a dog, Carlisle wept.

~~ - ~~

Because of his young age and the need to stitch his arms, Teddy was sedated rather than restrained. But not before babbling out his delusion in terrifying detail … about a world inside the mirror where a beautiful girl named Swan was his friend. That he claimed to have been visiting _for the last five years_ at night. With dragons, two moons and something he called the black monster.

The mention of the black monster twitched in Carlisle's memory for some reason. He would come back to that.

Teddy lay silent in the ER bed, his father sitting beside him. Esme was at home with the two younger children, trying to clean up the mess – most of which had been superficial. Houses in San Francisco were built to sustain earthquakes, even ones that struck dangerously near to the city.

The hospital was in total chaos after the earthquake, the emergency room overflowing with the walking wounded. It was only Carlisle's status at the hospital that had gotten his screaming, flailing son into a curtained room, as opposed to being out in the hallways with everyone else.

_How could this have been happening … in my own home … without my realizing it?_

Teddy made a little sound on the bed, and Carlisle immediately turned to his boy. He was small and still under the blanket.

_So young. Surely too young for this?_

He took his son's fingers in his own and held on tight.

~~ - ~~

The first thing Teddy became aware of was light. So much of it, warm and soft. Then he could hear music coming from very far off in the background. He didn't know what it was, but it sounded nice. But sad.

He opened his eyes. He was standing … he didn't know where. All he knew was that he was safe and warm and nothing hurt anymore. And Swan was with him.

She was standing in front of him, her eyes red and swollen from crying. Teddy knew she had been crying for him, not knowing if he were dead or alive, not knowing if she would ever see him again. He wanted to tell her not to cry, that he was all right. But he knew before the thought was fully formed that neither of them would be able to speak.

This wasn't the mirror. This was just a dream.

They just looked at each other for a long moment. Then Teddy took three or four steps forward and put his arms around Swan. She hugged him back, fiercely, her body shaking with silent sobs.

_My full name is Edward Anthony Cullen, and I live in San Francisco, California. My parents' names are Esme and Carlisle. My sister's name is Alice, and I have a brother named Emmett. Please find me._

But he knew she could not hear him, no matter how hard he tried to push that thought up through his lips and into her mind. It was the simplest information, stuff that a child of five could tell someone. And somehow, the most important person in his life outside of his family would never know this. And never be able to find him again.

_I will never see her again._

Teddy felt tears welling in his eyes, and he wanted to pull her closer, closer. But Swan put her hands against his shoulders and pushed him back a little. _No_, he thought.

Their faces were just inches apart, and he saw Swan's eyes flicker down to his mouth and back up again.

_She wants me to kiss her,_ he realized. For a moment, panic engulfed him – he'd never kissed a girl before, not _really_ kissed one. But he knew he didn't have much time. If he could not tell her in words how much he cared about her, then he would have to use another means at his disposal.

Teddy took a deep breath and leaned forward. He tilted his nose slightly to the right, just like his more experienced friends had advised him to do. Then he pressed his lips against Swan's very carefully. It felt … nice.

_So far, so good._ He pulled back a little, puckered up and did it again. Still very nice indeed. Swan shifted in his arms, her soft body pushing against his. He could feel her small breasts lightly touching his chest. Teddy made a tiny noise, his lips parting. When they came back to Swan's, her upper lip was now warmly sandwiched between his lips. This felt even better.

Swan's lips moved tentatively under his, gently parting. Trembling, he did the same as the kiss deepened into something both of them barely dreamed ever existed.

It felt incredible. It also provoked a reaction in Teddy's lower region that he desperately wanted to hide from Swan. As his erection grew, he tried to step away. But Swan stepped with him.

So he stood still. Feeling for the first time what it meant to press his aroused body against a girl while he kissed her the way a man kisses a woman.

He never wanted this moment to end.

Finally, reluctantly, they ended the kiss but stayed in each other's arms. He inhaled the scent of Swan's beautiful hair, and gently ran his hand along it, savoring its softness.

Slowly, things began to grow less distinct. The light and faraway music started to fade, and the feeling of Swan's soft body against his drifted away. Panic seized him.

The last thing he felt was the touch of Swan's hand on his face. And in the final seconds of the dream, he heard her voice one last time. Not telling him her last name or where she lived, which he so desperately needed to hear. But five words. Five words to live the next 10 years of his life by.

"_Wake up now. Listen. Lie."_

And she was gone.

With a jolt, he awoke. He was lying on a bed in a curtained room. His mouth was so dry it felt like it was filled with sand, and his arms were hurting worse than he ever thought possible. Teddy nearly cried out with the pain of it all.

Instead, he latched on to the words Swan had said to him in the dream. He had no idea why, out of all the things she could have chosen to say, she had picked those words. Why not something important, like her last name? _How could this possibly be more important than her last name?_

But he had to do what she had asked. He was awake. Now he had to listen.

"… I agree he is awfully young to be manifesting the symptoms of schizophrenia, Carlisle. Nonetheless, the delusions you and the ER staff are describing are consistent with the diagnosis." He didn't know the voice of the man speaking.

"But nothing else fits. Teddy is a straight A student and very popular with his friends. There's no sign of social dysfunction or speech disorder. It's just these delusions that have so suddenly appeared." That was his father. He sounded like he was in terrible pain.

"No two cases are alike. And it doesn't sound like this is a sudden appearance, frankly. If he's been consistently experiencing delusions of this magnitude for the last five years as he's claiming, there is almost no question that your son is experiencing some kind of early-onset mental illness."

The other voice paused. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's see what his state is when he comes out of sedation. There may be another explanation for this, possibly connected to the trauma of getting caught in the earthquake itself. Especially since he was separated from the rest of the family at the time. That's a very frightening experience, and may have triggered some kind of extreme confusion. Maybe mixing with a powerful dream or nightmare. We'll have to see."

The doctor left the room, and Carlisle continued to sit at his bedside.

_Schizophrenia._

Teddy was not a doctor's son for nothing. He knew how bad that illness was. No cure, no single effective treatment. If he had schizophrenia, he'd be taking medicine for the rest of the life, powerful drugs that would change him into a different person. His life would never be the same. He would be … _crazy_. For the first time, he really thought about what the word could mean, and it terrified him.

Suddenly he remembered Alice's words from under the dining room table. Hazily, he remembered that she had started to scream _after_ he had begun telling to his father about Swan and the world inside the mirror.

_Lie._

If he told the truth to those doctors, he would never see Swan again.

What was it that other doctor had said? _"Another explanation … trauma of getting caught in the earthquake … separated from the rest of the family… triggered some kind of extreme confusion … powerful dream or nightmare."_

Teddy's mind raced. He had been having a nightmare – sleep-walking even? That would explain why he hadn't been in bed. A nightmare about monsters. And a girl. He had been very scared. And when he woke up in the middle of the earthquake, he didn't know what was going on. He had been really confused.

Could he do that? Could he convince his father and the doctors that his wild outbursts at home and in the hospital were nothing more than extreme confusion and fear?

What if he really was … crazy? Shouldn't he tell them? So he could get cured?

_If this is crazy, I like it._

He had to try.

For the next hour, he practiced in his mind. What he would say. How he would say it. The words he would use. How much truth to mix in to the lie to make it more convincing.

After a while, there were footsteps.

"Is he awake yet, Carlisle?" It was the same voice as before, the doctor.

"His breathing isn't as even as it was before, so I think he's rousing," his father said. A gentle hand took his own and squeezed. "Teddy, can you hear me?"

Teddy moaned a little and fluttered his eyes. His mouth was so dry that his lips would barely move. Suddenly, he felt a plastic straw touching his lips. He sipped the cool water – delicious.

"Da?" he managed, turning his head slightly on the pillow toward where he knew his father was sitting.

"I'm here, son. You're in the hospital. You're OK." His father stroked Teddy's dark blonde hair as he sipped a little more water.

"What happened?" he mumbled. He could almost feel the change in posture as the two men in the room listened closely. "Arms hurt." That much was certainly true.

"What do you remember, Teddy?" came the other voice. Teddy wrinkled his brow in what he hoped was a thoughtful look.

"I had a really bad dream," he croaked. "Monsters … crazy stuff. And I woke up and the house was shaking. I didn't know what was happening." He paused. "Is my arm broken, Dad? I have a track meet in a few weeks…" He trailed off deliberately. He could hear his father's body relaxing a little.

"You cut your arms … on the mirror, Teddy. Do you remember?"

"That was real?" he asked with just the right amount of confusion and amazement in his voice. "No, that was in the dream. In my dream, I was trying to rescue a girl. From a monster. But that wasn't real … was it?"

"No, son. There is no girl and no monster. But you really did think there was for a while, and that's how you hurt yourself."

"That's so weird," he moaned, putting some dramatics behind it. "Everyone's gonna think I'm nuts. Does this mean I can't go to the track meet, Dad?"

"Let's not worry about the track meet for now, Teddy," Carlisle said. "For now, let's just get you better." The other doctor came over to the bed and looked at Teddy more closely. Then he smiled.

"I think we'll keep you here a little longer, Teddy," said the doctor. "Just to make sure you're all right. You rest now. And then tomorrow … or rather, later on today … you and I can have a talk. About your dreams."

"OK," he said in a tired-sounding voice. "Dad? Is Mom all right? And Alice and Emmett?"

"They're fine, Teddy. Everyone's fine. And you're going to be just fine too."

~~ - ~~

A day and a half later, Teddy was home. Both of his forearms were crisscrossed with stitches, and he was exhausted from the sheer weight of keeping the façade up. He was ecstatic to climb into his own bed again.

Alice made sure to wait until his parents and Emmett were out of earshot before climbing on to the bed with her older brother. Teddy could see the relief on her face.

"You lied," she said simply. "You did a good job. As soon as you did, I could see a different path for you."

Teddy looked at her wearily. "I heard what you said after … well, you know. Thanks for the warning. What would have happened if I had told the truth?" Alice just shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. "Never mind, I think I get the picture." There was a pause, and Teddy asked the one question he had needed to ask ever since he had woken up.

"Alice, can you see her?"

His sister looked at him sadly, her odd eyes glistening with tears. "No Teddy. I can't. I'm so sorry. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong … it just means that your path and hers are going to run separately for a long time now." _Maybe forever._

"Will you watch for her?" Teddy asked, his voice trembling. Alice nodded, and the tears spilled over for both of them. She climbed up the bed beside her brother and put her arms around him. They were only 18 months apart in age, and had always been close. Her Sight made it difficult for anyone in the house to keep secrets from Alice – but this was an exceptional burden for her to carry with him.

After a while, Alice realized that Teddy had fallen asleep. She covered him up and slipped from the room.

The road ahead for her older brother would not be easy. But it was nowhere near as black as the one he would have travelled if he had told the truth.

~~ - ~~

The next day, Teddy awoke early. Slowly, painfully, he slid his injured arm between the mattresses and removed the envelope with Swan's hair in it. The whiff of her scent that puffed out when he opened it hurt worse than he could have imagined. It was the only evidence he had that Swan and the world inside the mirror had ever existed.

He wanted to keep it close to him somehow.

He spent an hour on the computer, researching his options, until he found something he liked. Small, simple. No one would think anything of it. Except him.

It took Teddy nearly a month of painstaking, frustrating labor, most of it done in early mornings when the light was good enough to work by with the fine strands. And when he was done, he placed the intricately braided bracelet around his wrist.

Where it would remain for the rest of his life.

The night he finished it and put it on his wrist, he quietly asked his father if he might start calling him Edward from now on, rather than his childhood nickname, Teddy. Because he was ready for a change.

~~ - ~~

It was very late at night. Carlisle was in the sitting room, looking at the mirror on the wall. True to his word, he had replaced the glass and had the wrought-iron frame carefully restored to its original glory.

Edward had looked at it and thanked his father with a hug and a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. And, to the best of Carlisle's knowledge, never looked at it again.

His son had never been the same after that night. The whole Cullen _family_ had never been the same.

Carlisle had stood by and watched as his oldest son struggled with grief. Helplessly, he had seen Edward suffer like anyone might after losing a loved one – five stages of grief and all. Yet he had lost no one … had he?

As the months passed, Carlisle was no longer certain. Of anything.

The dynamics of his three children changed. Edward, once the undisputed leader of the siblings, slowly withdrew. It was like watching a butterfly fold its wings into itself. Alice took Edward's place as the golden child of the Cullen family, with Emmett taking the unexpected role of protector of his painfully withdrawn older brother.

Edward's marks stayed high in almost all subjects – only his art and creative writing seemed to fall by the wayside, as if he no longer wished to express himself through those media. He excelled in math and science, and expressed an interest in becoming an engineer.

Slowly, Edward's circle of friends contracted. He grew closer to Alice, preferring her company to most others and becoming agitated if she was away for more than a few days at a time. He maintained a few loyal friends, all of whom were quiet young men of character. His best friend, Jasper Whitlock, was practically the fourth child of the Cullen household.

Edward never dated.

Perhaps that was too strong a statement. He took girls out to the movies and to dances from time to time. He had gone to his senior prom with the daughter of a family friend (whom everyone strongly suspected played for the other team). And he virtually ignored the considerable parade of beautiful girls (and boys) who angled for the odd, reclusive eldest Cullen boy.

But Carlisle had never caught him fooling around with a girl or had felt compelled to give him a talk on birth control. Unlike Emmett, who had a different girlfriend every month – although the word from Berkeley now was that he might actually have fallen in love for good with the latest one. Or Alice, who had seemed determined to lead her long-suffering suitor, Jasper, on a merry chase for years.

Carlisle wondered if his son was a carefully circumspect homosexual. He had even gone so far as to ask Edward directly. His son had laughed uncomfortably and assured him that he was strictly DC. And gone on a few extra dates in the following month, as if to prove it.

After that talk, Carlisle had searched Edward's room. Again.

It was not something he was proud of, violating his son's privacy in this way. And it had not been the first time he had done it. But he had to know. _He had to._

No gay porn to be found anywhere in Edward's bedroom. But he did find a few tattered and somewhat sticky _Playboy_ magazines between the mattresses. Carlisle had grinned at the sight of those. Then he saw the little envelope beside them. He pulled it out and opened it, sick with the horrible invasion of privacy he was engaging in.

It was just an empty envelope. With a few long brown hairs in the bottom. Carlisle looked at them in silence, not sure what to make of them. They made him feel uncomfortable. Then he pushed everything back between the mattresses and left the room.

The only other time he had searched Edward's room was shortly after the earthquake. He had been terrified of finding further evidence of his son's delusions. But he had found nothing. Nothing.

It had never occurred to him to search Alice's room for Edward's possessions.

Carlisle did, however, tear the hall cupboard apart while his son was in the hospital, frantically searching through boxes of the children's old artwork, report cards and photos. Looking for pictures his four-year-old son had once drawn. He could remember it plain as day. A drawing of Edward's grandmother. A lady with long hair. A monster. And an unremarkable little girl with chin-length hair. _Four years old … how was that possible?_

He never found them.

_It was as if it had never happened._

Edward willingly agreed to go to counseling after that night. And had continued to go voluntarily throughout the years. No one had ever found anything wrong with the oldest Cullen boy, other than that fact that he seemed to be terribly shy and socially awkward for a boy so talented and handsome.

He graduated near the top of his high school class, took a year off school to work (to earn money, he said, and get this thoughts together) then he had gone to UC Berkeley for electrical engineering. Alice had joined him there to study liberal arts. They had graduated together. Carlisle had long suspected that Edward had waited the year in order to attend school with Alice.

He had come into his height and good looks later than most of his classmates. Edward was nearly 21 when he had reached his full height of 6'1". His hair had darkened from its strawberry blonde to more of a reddish brown in his later years. He was a handsome boy, a good boy.

His conservative long-sleeved sweaters and button-down shirts covered the faded battlefield of scars on his forearms.

This fall, all three of their children would be at school together. Both Edward and Alice were taking their masters, and Emmett had somehow managed to get himself into Berkeley to join them. The three had gotten a house together, and he and Esme were at last empty-nesters. They were all children to be proud of. Including Edward.

And yet … Carlisle still felt that something had gone awry with his oldest son over the years. He was loath to admit it, but deep inside, Edward was his favorite. Yet the boy who had come from the hospital that day years ago was not the same boy he had once been. He knew his boy better than anything in the world … and something had happened that night. His son had lost something. Something incredibly precious to him.

_He had lied._

It was irrational. Yet somehow Carlisle believed that his son had pulled a fast one on the psychiatrists that night, and in every single therapy session he'd had since. That there had been so much more to the story than what Edward had told anyone.

Yet he also knew in his heart of hearts that Edward was not mentally ill. There had been no other symptoms, no delusions. Edward had led a life of utter normality in his home. So very normal. So very ordinary.

_But my son is extraordinary._

Carlisle sighed. He couldn't have it both ways. Either his son was mentally ill and had fooled them all. Or he was not, and had simply changed as he had grown up.

The third possibility – that Edward had told the truth – was one that he could not accept.

Yet time and again, Carlisle would come down to the mirror at night and stare at its reflective surface. Wondering if indeed his cherished son had experienced something magical within it so many years ago.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: We now move forward to present day. And the rest of the story will be told from varying points of view. We begin in this chapter with Alice, who sets up the rest of the story for us.**

**Thank you for all the awesome reviews and notes – I know this kind of story isn't everyone's cup of tea, and it's great to hear from folks who have a genuine interest in my brand o' crazy.**

**Are you reading "Mr. Horrible" by algonquinrt? If not, you need to. It is so freaking funny – it's the new Frenemies. Go now and read it. You need the laugh.**

APOV

"C'mon beautiful … don't be like that. It's just drinks and maybe dinner afterward. I'll be on my best behavior, I promise."

I glanced up at the two people ahead of me. Class had just ended, and the stragglers were still packing their things. I was dragging my feet a little, interested to see how this scene was going to play out. This was the third time I'd see this character asking this same girl out on a date after class. He had used just about every bad line in the book, and she was _so_ not biting.

I knew because I had been watching this girl for nearly two months now.

"Thanks, Tyler, but no thanks. I'm just not interested." The girl picked up her bag and tried to step around the guy in front of her, but he blocked her way.

"Bella," he started, his tone becoming decidedly more belligerent. The object of his affections looked like she'd had enough – and so had I.

"Hi Bella!" I said, stepping up between them and none too gently nudged the guy out of the way. He looked down, a little shocked that someone half his height had just cock-blocked him. "I was wondering where you were. My brothers are waiting for us over at Jupiter's. Do you want to get going?" I glanced up at Mr. I-Don't-Take-No-For-An-Answer, then looked away as he were of no significance.

"Yes," said Bella firmly. "I am definitely ready to leave." The two of us shouldered past the guy and walked out of the classroom. As soon as we were a safe distance from the doorway, Bella looked over, caught my eye and laughed.

"I hope you're not offended that I did that," I said. "But he was pissing me off so badly that it was either that or strangle him. This seemed like the more prudent choice."

"I don't offend easily." She held out her hand to me. "Bella Higginbotham. I don't know who you are or where you came from, but you saved me a ton of aggravation back there. Thanks." Bella looked me full in the face, and I could see the sudden shock in her expression as her gaze darted back and forth between my eyes.

"Alice Cullen," I replied. "And I'm a proud protector of women being harassed by the douchebags of the world. It's a calling. Are you ready to go then?"

"Go where?" she asked. I looked at her impatiently.

"To Jupiter's, of course. To meet my brothers."

"Oh," said Bella, taken aback. She bit her lip, looking nervous. "You don't need to do that. I mean, it's very nice of you, and I appreciate your timely rescue. But I don't want to interrupt a family get-together…" I waved her protests away.

"Do you have other plans?" I asked.

"Well, no, but …"

"Then come on – do you have a car? I drove in with my boyfriend today so it's either that or walk. But it's not that far." Bella mumbled something about parking just outside. "One more thing," I said, putting my hand on her arm, "we may as well get the questions over with right away since we're going to be friends."

"What questions?" she asked cautiously. I rolled my eyes, and Bella smiled. "OK, Alice, I'll play along. What's with your eyes?"

"Heterochromia," I said proudly. "When your irises are two different colors. In my case, one blue and one brown. I inherited it from my Gran." Bella studied my eyes with interest for a moment, and I took this opportunity to look at her close up after several weeks of watching her at a distance.

She was lovely. Fair-skinned with beautiful brown eyes and pale pink lips. A dusting of freckles ran over her nose. She was small – only a bit taller than me – and slender. For Berkeley, she was dressed very conservatively – dark wash jeans, white ballet top and a blue chunky knit cardigan that looked authentically hand knit. Nestled below the hollow of her throat was an old-fashioned silver locket on a chain. It was the locket that had first caught my eye. Well, that and …

"OK, my turn," I said eagerly. "Is your hair real? How long did it take to grow? And can I touch it?" She smiled, her cheeks coloring pink.

"Yes, it's real. About 14 years since I've really cut it, outside of trims to keep it healthy. And yes, you can touch it – although I can't thank you enough for asking first. You've no idea what it's like. I imagine it's like being pregnant – people see something interesting about you and suddenly, they treat your body like it's a piece of experiential art." With that, she turned, and I got my wish.

Her hair fell to just above her knees. It was a rich chocolate brown, carefully braided in a long, smooth cord, with a few loose curls around her face. I was shocked at how heavy the braid was when I lifted it.

"I like it," I said earnestly. "It's pretty when it's long." Bella's answering smile was gentle, but a little sad too. Or maybe not sad … nostalgic. Like she was remembering something from a long time ago.

"I like your hair too," she said. "And your eyes."

~~ - ~~

We discovered that the wind had picked up when we stepped outside, and Bella pulled on her jacket. I glanced at her, then did a double-take, reaching over to finger the fabric.

"Jesus, Bella … this is vintage World War Two, USAAF. This belongs in a museum! Where on earth did you get it?" She grinned, clearly pleased I had recognized the quality of the garment.

"It's my grandfather's jacket. He gave it to me a few years back … said he'd rather see it on my back than moldering away in the closet, full of mothballs."

"Sounds like my kind of guy," I said, sliding into the passenger seat of Bella's little car.

~~ - ~~

We arrived at Jupiter's a few minutes later, and I guided Bella through the bar and on to the back patio. My brothers had grabbed a good table near a heat lamp. Jasper stood when he saw us coming.

"Hi beautiful," he said, giving me a kiss … and then coming back for more. I had no objection. As much as my parents thought I had nothing better to do in life than to break Jazzy's heart with my womanly wiles, the truth was I was absolutely nuts for him and had been since I was about 10 years old. Being together was a dream come true every day for me. And we both knew it.

"Hi," I said back against his lips, then pulled away. I put my arm around my new friend. "Everyone, this is Bella Higginbotham. Bella, this is everyone."

Surreptitiously, I watched Bella do her thing. This was part of my initial fascination with Bella – she watched people. Her eyes saw what others missed. She was doing it now as she surveyed my family.

"Hi Bella. I'm Jasper Whitlock, Ali's long-suffering and very lucky boyfriend. It's nice to meet you." Of course, Jazzy spoke first. Warm, friendly, easy-going – that was Jasper. The unofficial front-man of the Cullen family.

"Nice to meet you too, Jasper." Bella's eyes studied his handsome, tanned face. She smiled gently back, unable to resist his charm, his uncanny ability to put people at ease.

"This is my little brother, Emmett Cullen," I said, smiling at the irony as Emmett half-stood in his patio chair, whacking his head on the umbrella in the process. Bella looked up at him, processing his height, his muscular body. Emmett was the bouncer of the family, protecting us all with a fierce loyalty.

"Little, huh?" said Bella with a raised eyebrow, her hand vanishing into Emmett's big paw. "You put up with that kind of abuse, big boy?" A smile of delight at her sauciness broke out over my little brother's face, causing deep dimples to pop up on his cheeks.

"Alice gets her licks in where she can," he said. Then he turned to the gorgeous blonde sitting beside him. "And this is my girlfriend, Rosalie." His voice was bursting with pride when he said it, and Bella's face softened further.

"Hello," Rosalie said coldly to Bella, then looked at me, her blue eyes glittering with disdain. "Another one of your strays, Alice?"

"Honey," said Emmett, trying to shush her.

"Hello Rosalie. Yes, you could say I'm a bit of a stray," Bella said, ignoring the bad vibes. "What program are you in at Berkeley?" Rose sniffed, tossing her hair a little.

"I'm just starting my undergrad in Arts," she said finally. "So's Emmett."

"Jasper's taking his graduate degree in History," I said. "Bella's in my graduate program in Psychology." Bella started looking around the table to find a place to sit, but I put my hand on her arm for a second. This happened more than I liked to admit.

"Bella, wait. I'd like you to meet my older brother." She looked up in surprise – like most people, she hadn't noticed Edward. Because he preferred not be noticed. "Bella, this is Edward." I gestured to the far end of the table.

He sat pushed back from the table and as far into the shade as he could get. Dressed in a dark sweater, a black button-down shirt and dark jeans, he almost blended into the decorative greenery. Only his pale skin made him show up against the dark background.

His hair was combed flat down over his head. The amount of product he had to put in to tame it made it nearly as dark as Bella's. His eyes were cast down at the table behind his glasses with their black plastic frames.

Try though he might to hide it, my brother was heartbreakingly handsome.

At the mention of his name, Edward looked up reluctantly. His green eyes assessed Bella, then shot over to my face.

"Hi," he said, then the eyes went straight back down to the textbook in his lap.

"Edward is getting his masters in Mathematics," I said proudly. Bella looked at him uncertainly for a moment, then took the seat that Jasper had pulled out for her. There was a buzz of conversation about the merits of our favorite microbrews, and we placed orders. Emmett started moaning about his course load and an assignment he had due.

Bella slid in nicely with my family. She didn't speak a lot, but when she did, she was clever and had a dry sense of humor that cracked us up. Even Rosalie seemed to thaw a bit for my new friend. Together, she and I told the story of Tyler Crowley's unwelcome advances with great gusto.

"Where are you from originally, Bella?" asked Jasper.

"I'm from Arizona," she said. "Phoenix, Arizona. The most beautiful part of the country, I think. Where are you guys from?" She seemed thrilled that we were Californian by birth. "I didn't think anyone was actually allowed to be born here," she said.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's lips twitch into a little smile. A few minutes later, he looked up from his book and picked up his beer. He didn't speak, but he was listening.

A few moments later, on the way back from the restroom, Rose passed behind Bella's chair. She had slipped off her bomber jacket, and Rose's eyes instantly fastened on the long comet's tail of hair hanging down Bella's back.

"My GOD, Bella!" she exclaimed, making everyone turn toward her. Of course, Rose picked up the smooth, heavy braid of hair, her hands running all over it. Bella smiled and gave her shoulders a tiny shrug as if to say "I told you so."

"Is it real?" demanded Rose. She peppered Bella with questions and groped her hair for several minutes before getting distracted by something else. Bella looked immensely relieved when Rose moved away. She took a long sip of her beer and sighed quietly.

"Sorry about that," I heard Edward suddenly say to Bella. "It must be terribly intrusive, having random strangers manhandle you." _Conversation from Edward? Most unexpected._ I angled my body away from them, but moved my head a little closer to catch their low voices.

"It happens a lot," said Bella. "You get used to it after a while." She gestured toward the closed textbook in Edward's lap. "What are you reading?" He looked down at the book.

"Math of finance," he said.

"Masters in math, Alice said? Are you thinking of becoming a risk analyst? Or are you more interested in the business intelligence side of things?"

"Not sure. Maybe risk analysis." _Ah, time to play 20 Questions with my difficult brother._ Most of my friends gave up on this game three questions in. Edward's armor was nearly impenetrable. Nothing in, nothing out.

"We could have used more of that when sub-prime loans were so popular," said Bella lightly. A ghost of a smile hovered around Edward's lips and vanished. I could already see him starting to retreat. "What was your undergrad?"

"Electrical engineering," he replied.

"I took a liberal arts undergrad. I had planned on studying literature, maybe becoming a teacher. But then I discovered how much I enjoyed psychology, so I decided to continue studying that area." Edward smirked.

"Because you want to help people, right?" he asked. There was a nasty undertone to his voice. Edward most definitely did _not_ like psychologists.

"I'm most interested in adolescent psychology, especially post-trauma therapy. So yes, I guess you could say that," said Bella. _She's so calm. Doesn't rise to his bait._

Edward rolled his eyes. "Adolescent psychology. You'll have job security since all teenagers are nuts," he sneered.

"Almost certainly," agreed Bella. "Having been one myself, I can attest to that. Have you ever had psychotherapy?" she asked, turning the tables on him.

"I'm a California teenager. Of course I've had therapy," he said cynically. "Who hasn't these days? But I'm a lousy patient for therapy. I'm too boring. You'd fall asleep analyzing me." Bella turned to him, her face suddenly sad.

"Why would I want to analyze you?" she asked quietly. "You'd just lie to me and hide yourself the way you've done to all your other therapists."

Edward's armor had very few chinks in it. How Bella managed to find one and land a blow there within an hour of meeting my brother was beyond me. But she did. I sucked in a sudden breath, and I felt Jasper's eyes shoot toward me, then follow my gaze over to Edward.

For a moment – just a moment – Edward's face showed its terrible vulnerability. And just as quickly, his armor re-assembled itself, and the expression was gone. He was hidden again.

"Lovely meeting you," he said absently, picking up his books and throwing money on the table. "Alice, I've got a meeting with my advisor, then I'm going for a run. See you later at home."

And he was gone.

~~ - ~~

That night, after love, Jasper pushed himself up on one elbow and looked at me. I knew that look. It was the "let's talk" look.

"You gonna tell me what happened at the bar this afternoon?" he asked. I made a face and looked away.

"Which part?" I asked hedged.

"Let's start with your new friend Bella. Whom I liked a whole lot, by the way. But she's not some casual friend you just made." Jasper waited for a moment. "Alice … what did you see about her?"

"I saw her … with us," I replied. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I realized how bad that sounded and immediately rolled over. Jazzy's eyes were the size of saucers. "No! Not like with us … us!" I laughed. "You must be the only guy in the world who freezes in horror at the thought of a threesome with two beautiful women."

"I have everything I need here," said Jasper, swooping down to kiss me. "What did you mean then?"

"I can see Bella as a very close friend, far into the future," I said. "More than friends. More like family. I can see her with all of us. The same way I see Rosalie with us." I tried not to make a face … I had known almost since the day they met that Emmett and Rose were permanent. I kept hoping she'd improve with age.

"Ah," said Jazz. "But you didn't see …"

"No," I said peevishly. "I haven't seen Edward for years. You know that. And I don't even know that that who she's with." I sighed, frustrated. "There's just something about her. And I want so bad to believe that someone – anyone – could bring him back to life again."

"Honey, the only person who can do that …"

"… is Edward himself. I know. But he's my brother, Jazz. I love him. And it hurts so much to see how lost he's become."

"What did Bella say to him at the bar that freaked him out so bad?" I sat up and hugged my knees.

"That was really interesting," I said slowly. "He made a snotty comment about how he wasn't a good subject for therapy because he's so boring. And Bella just replied that there was no point in analyzing him because he lies and hides himself."

"Huh," said Jazzy in surprise. "That was awfully insightful on an hour's acquaintance."

"It was," I said. "Bella's good at figuring people out. She's observant, a good listener. Intuitive." I let out a long sigh. "I just don't know if there's anything left of … Teddy … inside Edward." I pushed back the sheets and started pulling on my pajamas.

"Try not to stay up too late talking to him, OK?" asked Jasper.

~~ - ~~

I tapped lightly on my brother's bedroom door. I knew he was up - I could see the light under the door.

"Come in, Ali," he said. I opened the door and there he was.

This was as close to letting down his guard that my brother ever got. He had showered after jogging, so his hair was its old style – sticking out in a dozen different directions. His glasses were off. He had on a t-shirt and sweats. In the blue light of the computer monitor, the faded scars on his forearms gleamed whitely. The thin band of his bracelet looked black against his skin.

Mourning jewelry. The Victorians used to make it out of the hair of dead loved ones or absent lovers as a memento. My brother wore a bracelet made out of the hair of a ghost he called Swan on his wrist.

He never talked about Swan anymore.

"Hi big brother," I said, putting my arms around his shoulders and hugging him from behind. "How was your run?"

"Chilly but good," he said. Edward swung around in his desk chair and looked at me. "What's on your mind?"

"You," I said. He made a face and looked away. "No, don't do that, Edward. Look at me." He turned back reluctantly, his eyes not meeting mine. "I worry for you. That's all. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Alice. Why won't you believe me?"

"Because if you were happy, I'd still be able to see you. If you were angry, I'd be able to see you. Or sad or afraid or … anything. But Edward, you're not anything." He ran his hands through his hair and stared down at the floor.

"You and I both know why this had to happen, why I had to change …" But I cut him off right there. I had to say my piece tonight, no matter what.

"That was _10 years ago_. The danger is gone, Edward. You won, you convinced them. How many shrinks have you seen over the years? How many therapists?" He shrugged. "There's no need to hide anymore. There hasn't been for years. The problem now is that you've hidden yourself … your true self … for so long that you can't find it anymore."

"I've changed, Alice. This is who I am now. I can't go back to the way I was when I was 13. I don't want to go back there again." He patted his broad chest lightly. "This is me now. Why can't you accept me for who I am? Why can't anyone accept me for who I am?" I felt tears well up in my eyes at that.

"I'd believe that if I could see you again. But I can't. You've just gotten so good at lying to everyone that you've moved on to lying to me. And to yourself." I pointed to my eyes. "But you can't lie to this. You're gone, Edward. Do you understand? _Gone._ For the last five years, I haven't been able to see my own brother in my mind. That is why I don't believe you. That's why."

Edward sat there looking at me, his hands folded on his stomach. Then he held his arms out and pulled me into his lap.

"I'm sorry, Ali," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I did what I thought was right at the time. I had no idea it would end up this way."

"Can't you try to come back?" I pleaded through my tears. "Just try? Just a little?"

"I don't know if I can," he said back in a ghostly whisper. "It's just like you said. I'm lost, Alice. I've lost myself."

"Try. That's all I ask."

"I promise to try," he said as I stood back up. I kissed him goodnight and walked toward the door. "Ali?" I paused and smiled. I didn't need my Sight to know what was next. "She's nice. And pretty. And very, very scary."

"I know," I said. And I slipped out the door to return to my room, to Jazzy. And love.

**A/N: For those interested, Bella's last name here (Higginbotham) is off the Twilight Lexicon, from the site's personal correspondence with SM. It is her mother's maiden name. Why she uses that name will be explained later in the story. **

**It's been a crazy week. So I say thanks to my sister from another mister, algonquinrt, for keeping me from crying in the bathroom. Props to tara sue me for being such a great storyteller. And to mskathy, for being such an awesome beta to the stars.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So lots of people asking if the black monster and the mirror world will be back. They will continue to make appearances – starting right here. Same with hearing from Edward … most of this chapter will be insight into his character. **

EPOV

It was night.

I opened my eyes and cried out with the shock of it. I was lying on my back in the grass inside in the mirror. The blue moon was riding high in the night sky, the white one already set. The air smelled so good … clean and untainted. Everything was wild, fresh and beautiful beyond belief.

I didn't know how it had happened, but I was finally back. And I would finally see Swan again. That thought sent me scrambling to my feet to see if she was here too.

"Swan?" I called out. _Have to see her, have to see her, have to TALK TO HER …_

Swan was the only one I could talk to – really talk to – about the hell of the last 10 years. If I could just talk to her, I would be okay. I would get better and everything would be good again.

But there was no answer.

"Swan?"

"Swan's gone, Teddy."

I whirled and saw the black monster crouched behind me, its unnatural smile causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end. Its voice was the stuff of nightmares. It sounded like rocks and earth scraping against one another in a freshly dug grave.

"You left her in here. Alone."

"What did you do to her?" I asked in a shaky whisper. _No, please … I don't want to know the answer to that question._

"All alone. She screamed for you for hours … until her throat bled. Screaming for you, Teddy. But you never came, did you?" I could feel sweat breaking out all over my body, and my stomach rolled helplessly.

"I … I couldn't. The mirror broke … I couldn't get back in … I … I … you know all this! You were there! You saw it!"

"I saw a little coward run to his mommy and daddy…"

"That's not true … you know it's not …" Terror was climbing up my throat and out of my body.

"Left his pretty girlfriend behind … all alone … in another world …"

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SWAN?" I screamed frantically.

"What do you think I did, Teddy? I took her for myself. That is my appointed task, you know. Because you left her behind …"

"NO! Stop! SWAN! _SWAN!_"

~~ - ~~

I sat up in bed, blood dripping down my chin and a strangled scream burning in my chest.

_Jesus. Not again._ I thought I had finally beaten the nightmares last year. Apparently I was wrong – they were back.

I grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and wiped off my chin. The blood was coming from my tongue, which I had bitten in order to keep the sounds from coming out. Even in my sleep, there was one imperative that ruled over everything else – _keep the secret_.

Screaming for Swan in the middle of the night was not permitted. Even now, even here, where everyone who lived under this roof knew what had happened to me that night 10 years ago.

I struggled free of the sweaty sheets that were tangled around my legs and stumbled into the bathroom. I rinsed my mouth, spitting out blood and hoping I hadn't bitten through the end of my tongue again. I had done that a couple of times before.

I took a leak and splashed some water on my face. When worst of the bleeding stopped, I went back to my bedroom. Christ, 5:30 in the morning. I was too wired to go back to sleep. I walked to the window and looked out into the blackness. Dawn was just starting to bleed through the edge of the dark.

The black monster had been the last and most difficult memory to subdue. The rest of it I had either pushed out of my mind completely or at least compartmentalized sufficiently that I had control over it 24/7.

I could no longer recall most of the details of those five years of my life. It was safer to forget. Safer, healthier, more comfortable. More than once, I had contemplated taking a sharp knife, sliding the blade against the skin of my wrist and finally slicing through the only physical evidence that those five years had been anything other than a child's imagination-fuelled fantasy.

I could not bring myself to do it. To cut off the bracelet was to break faith with Swan. Or least, with my memory of her.

I had stopped looking for her when I turned 18.

It had been a hopeless task to locate her right from the start. To find one person in a world of billions with absolutely nothing but a gender, an age and first name to work with. Admittedly, with Alice's – and eventually Jasper's – help, we had managed to narrow the field significantly.

Assuming that the mirror hadn't also messed with the way we sounded to one another, Swan was American or possibly Canadian – she had no noticeable accent. And it was Jasper who pointed out that the fact that we both turned up around the same time each night inside the mirror in our pajamas suggested that we were probably in the time zone. I had wanted to pound my head into the desk when he had casually mentioned that – talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees.

But we were still left with millions of people in the Pacific Time zone – from British Columbia right on down to Nevada. Oh and Arizona too half the time because they didn't observe daylight savings time for some freaky reason.

After five years of endless, fruitless searching, I had finally given up. By that time, I had convinced my shrink that I was nothing more than a sexually repressed teenage git with an anxiety disorder, and my parents were wondering where they'd gone wrong.

It was time to move on. Time to drop the myriad defenses I had created over the last five years and get back to living. Relax a little. Have more fun. Date girls. Get laid.

That was when I discovered that something had gone very badly awry.

It was impossible to undo what I had created. Ten years of covering up feelings and memories wasn't something easily shrugged off. The lines between who I really was and who I was pretending to be had gotten crossed. I had lied for so long that the lies had become my truth. I wanted to stay right where I was, where the world made sense – not out there trying to find my way back to the confusing and traumatic world of normal adolescence.

I had lost my childhood. The mirror world. My first love. And in the end, I lost myself.

_Oh God, I need Swan so bad._

This had nothing to do with sex or love. It had everything to do with being able to talk to the one person in the world who could understand. The one person who was _there_ for the whole thing. The one who could sort through the wreckage of my memories and tell me which ones were real and which ones were pretend.

I'd like to think if Swan ever came back that she would understand. That she would be nice and not judge me for what I had turned into.

Like that sweet friend of Alice's yesterday … Bella. God, all she'd wanted to do was make polite conversation with me! Sitting there in the sun, so pretty with her eye-poppingly beautiful hair. I felt like I could have spent a lifetime just listening to her voice and staring at her face. Instead, the best I could do was be unresponsive and sarcastic.

And still she had seen right through me. That frightened me.

Not because she was so beautiful without even knowing it – unlike Rosalie who never stopped thinking about her good looks. I was scared of Bella because she could see past all the layers to the core of who I was. And could see that deep inside, I was still a scared, fucked-up teenager who had never gotten to home base with a girl and hid behind his math books because he was so frightened that the world might realize that he was nothing but a phony whack-job.

The sun was coming up, and I discovered that my arm had gone to sleep because I had been leaning on it, motionless for so long. This too was one my old habits – withdrawing into my own thoughts for extended periods of time.

_Why was I thinking of Swan so much again?_

_Why did I have a nightmare about the black monster again?_

Too many questions, not enough answers. I put on my running clothes and decided 10 miles would do me good.

~~ - ~~

The week went by same as always. School, studying, home, sleep. Took a run some evenings. Met with my advisor on my thesis. We had our weekly family get-together at Jupiter's – no Bella this time, Alice said she had other plans. Rosalie gave me a foul look as if to say _"Scared off another one with your asshattery, didn't you?"_

_Probably, Rose. Too bad it didn't work on you._

In another lifetime, I would have said that out loud, probably earning more than a few laughs around the table. In this lifetime, I just glared back at her and sank a little further into my chair.

Too many years of hiding the most important parts of myself. Too many years of staying absolutely in control of every word that came out of my mouth. No more spontaneity. No more impulsive jokes. I never had more than a beer or two, even when I was out with my family – the risk was so great.

I was a lousy drunk anyway. Alice, Jasper and Emmett had gotten me trashed at home a few times, just so I could have the experience. The first time had been hilarious – the four of us had gotten loaded on some crazy imported sweet vermouth and laughed all night. Everyone was so encouraged by the sight of me having fun that we'd done it again the next weekend … with disastrous results. I'd been in a mean, argumentative mood that night and alcohol hadn't improved it. In the end, I'd challenged Emmett to a fist fight; he had absolutely refused to take me on.

When I realized what I was doing – trying to take things out on my little brother who had protected me and loved me, even when I had let him down so badly – I started to cry and couldn't stop. That the pain inside was so great that not even a lifetime of tears could wash it clean. That had frightened the three of them far more than me snarling at Emmett, and no one had ever suggested we do the drinking thing again.

I did have a social life … I went to academic events, made small talk with faculty and fellow students over endless cups of coffee. Had some quasi-friends with whom I went for occasional pizza dinners. Went out with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose to the movies or to pubs. I went out on dates from time to time so that the reports that went back home to Mom and Dad sounded right.

But I had isolated myself for too long and at the absolute wrong time of my life. Most guys were smooth and practiced in their social interactions now. I watched Emmett picking up women in clubs with a kind of awe. I couldn't _stand_ going to clubs – too loud, too dark and too crowded.

I knew, empirically, that I was good looking. The fact that I still had good-looking women hitting on me even as I exhibited every sign of being a full-blown geek was evidence of that fact. If I had been a different kind of person, I might have taken advantage of this and gotten laid six ways to Sunday throughout high school and my undergrad. But in my mind, sex was inextricably linked to love and intimacy. And since I was incapable of intimacy, so too was I unwilling to engage in sex for the sake of … well … sex.

Unfortunately, having somewhat old-fashioned morals didn't stop me from having a normal guy's sex drive. I had probably jerked off more in the shower than any other guy in the history of running hot water.

At the rate I was going, however, I was going to be virgin until I died.

"Edward?"

I pulled myself out of my reverie and looked around. Everyone else was standing up at the table and getting their things together. It seemed that family night at Jupiter's was over, and I had missed it. My beer sat, flat and warm, on the table in front of me.

Alice was looking at me with worried eyes. I tried to smile at her and failed. "Do you need a lift?" I asked, trying to move the attention off me.

"Jazzy's driving me. Are you coming home? Or going back to school?"

"I … uh …"

"Why don't you come home?" she said gently.

"No, I've got work to do." I stood up, picked up my bag and gave her a quick hug. "I'm OK, really I am."

And I left before anyone could dig any further.

~~ - ~~

I took an extra long run on Saturday evening to clear some of the cobwebs. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so vulnerable, and it bugged me that I didn't know why.

When I got home, the house was deserted, and I went upstairs for a shower. By the time I got out and threw on a t shirt and jeans, I was ravenous. There had to be some leftovers in the fridge, so I went downstairs to investigate. As soon as I hit the bottom stair, I realized Alice must have come in while I was in the shower. And she wasn't alone.

I teetered there on the bottom stair, trying to decide what to do. Sounded like they were in the living room. Perhaps I could just edge on by the door, grab something to eat and vanish back up into my room.

No such luck.

"Edward?" I didn't answer and hoped Alice would get the hint. Instead, my sister came tripping into the kitchen and found me digging in the fridge for sandwich fixings. "I didn't know you were home. We've ordered Chinese and rented a movie – come join us."

"I … um … well, I don't want to … uh …" I wasn't terribly articulate at the best of times, and the sight of Bella suddenly appearing in the kitchen doorway with her hair tied in a pony tail, the long end of it hanging loose over her shoulder robbed me of all coherency. _She's so freaking beautiful!_ Alice took one look at my panicked face and immediately turned around. Then I was literally saved by the bell – the doorbell.

"That's the food … I'll get it Alice," Bella said, vanishing down the hall. Alice turned back to look at me, one eyebrow cocked and a delighted smile dancing on her lips.

"We're just going to sit in the living room," she said coaxingly. "In the dark. And eat our Chinese food. And watch _Amelie_. You like that movie." She reached over to the back of a kitchen chair and handed me a sweater, which I pulled on gratefully. I didn't like anyone seeing my scars. "You promised to try," she said, going for the closer. I rolled my eyes at her blatant manipulation tactics. "Please, Edward?" This was so unfair - she knew I loved Chinese food.

And it looked like she knew that I liked something else too.

"OK," I said softly. Bella came into the kitchen with the food and looked at me a little uncertainly.

"Are you joining us, Edward?" she asked. I nodded and her face brightened. "Great!" I stood there like a statue for a minute, not sure if she was being polite or if she was actually happy that I was joining them. Eventually Alice gave me a not-so-gentle nudge in the direction of the food, and I put together a plate for myself. Then we sat down in the comforting dark of the living room to eat.

It was awkward at first, but got a little easier as the evening went on. No major social stumbles – unless you consider gawking at the gorgeous girl on the couch across from you a faux pas. _She must think I am the world's biggest idiot_, I thought, after Bella caught me looking at her for the third time this evening. Even by the light of the television screen, I could see her blushing a little, biting her lower lip. She fiddled with her hair a bit, a portion of it drifting down to cover her face. I wondered what she looked like with her hair completely down. Naked. That thought played instant havoc with my imagination, and I suddenly had to adjust my jeans because everything was getting too tight down there.

We took a break from the movie to tidy up and make popcorn. Bella chatted with me like I was a normal person, and I tried very hard to normal back to her. She wasn't difficult to be friendly with … she would make a really good therapist because she seemed to be doing a good job of making me feel at ease. Somewhere along the way, Alice vanished from the kitchen, and the two of us were alone, yapping like old friends. I pulled out the corn popper and we set it up together. Both of us watched through the plastic dome while it popped.

I was rummaging in the fridge for butter when I turned and saw Bella standing on her tiptoes to reach the popcorn bowl on the top shelf. She was only a little bit taller than Alice, so it was well out of reach for her.

"Here, I'll get that for you," I said, reaching up over her shoulder and taking the ceramic bowl down. As I bent down to hand her the bowl, Bella tried to move to out of my way but ended up stepping right into me. I was abruptly right up against her, with my face buried in the loose fall of her beautiful hair, right at the crook of her neck and shoulder.

It startled me so much that I took a very sudden and deep breath inward. And then everything went to hell.

I could hear the popcorn bowl hit the kitchen tiles and shatter like a bomb. I squeezed my eyes shut against the overwhelming onslaught of memories. I took two or three fast steps backward and slid to the floor against the wall. My heart was pounding so hard I could barely hear Bella's voice yelling for Alice. I bit my lip to keep the scream inside. My whole body was covered in sweat.

_Swan. I left Swan all alone with the black monster …_

I felt Alice kneel down beside me. I could feel hands on my shoulders, pulling me down to the floor. There was something soft under my head. And, unexpectedly, Swan's voice, telling me I was going to be okay. I had never heard her voice during one of my episodes before, and it made me feel just a little bit better.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

I helped Alice lower her brother gently to the floor. I pulled off my sweater and pillowed it under his head.

"Do I need to call 911?" I asked. Alice shook her head, and checked to make sure Edward was still conscious.

"No, he's having a flashback. It happens sometimes when he's exposed to certain stimulus."

"PTSD?" I asked. It was a textbook post-traumatic stress disorder reaction, although I couldn't imagine what had triggered it.

"Yes," said Alice smoothly. "From an incident when he was 13. He got separated from the rest of the family during an earthquake. He was pretty badly hurt and ended up in the hospital for a while." I smoothed down his wild hair, trying to soothe his twitching body.

"Shhhhh," I said. "It's okay. Everything's okay." He responded well to that, and Alice looked encouraged.

"He'll be all right in a few minutes," she said. "Thanks so much for your help. It's never happened before when we were alone."

"I'm glad I was here to help." His hair was surprisingly light and soft without anything in it to control it. I'm sure he thought I was a nut, staring at him half the night instead of watching the movie. But Edward just out of the shower was a whole different animal than Edward at school with his neat hair and ultra-conservative clothes. He had been relaxed and messy and absolutely gorgeous. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so instantly attracted to a man.

A man, I was now discovering, carrying a world of hurt inside him. Well, I knew how that felt – first hand. And how hard it was to recover from life-shattering moments like the one Alice had described. It had nothing to do with character or intelligence or strength – sometimes it was as simple as having the right person to talk to. I knew that was what had pulled me through my darkest times.

As the moments went by, Edward was relaxing more and more under my hand. Alice sat in front of him, encouraging him to open his eyes.

"I'm okay," he whispered to her. "I'm okay. It wasn't so bad this time. Just help me get upstairs to bed … these things wear me out." He started violently when he realized I was behind him. Between the two of us, we helped him upstairs and on to his bed. His room was a normal-looking guy's room – unmade bed, clothes in heaps all around the floor. But there were no posters, no art, no decorations of any kind, I noticed. Interesting.

He was asleep within seconds.

"Can you stay with him a bit, Bella? Just while I tidy up the mess downstairs? I don't want Emmett coming home and finding it – he's going to freak out as it is when he finds out he wasn't here to help when his brother needed him."

I made a shooing motion with my hand and pulled the covers up around Edward's shoulders, tucking him in. I sat beside him and rubbed his back through the covers.

He was odd. He was clearly troubled. And he was beautiful.

I had never in my life been so fascinated by a person on such short acquaintance. Well, except for one person, but he was gone from me now. _Like so many other men in my life._ But I knew that negative voice for what it was now, and I countered it automatically with a positive in my mind. _You helped this man tonight. And your new friend Alice. _

Tired, I lay down beside Edward, still rubbing his back softly. I had to stop when he rolled on to his back, his arm reaching out to grope across the covers like he was looking for something. I took his hand, squeezing it softly. He smiled in his sleep and murmured something unintelligible.

I knew I should get up and go find Alice, who had been gone for ages. But it was so warm and comfortable here, holding hands with this beautiful, troubled stranger.

Sleep took me quickly, the way it used to when I slept beside Teddy under the twin moons. All those years ago.

~~ - ~~

APOV

I was about to come upstairs when the hallway faded before my eyes. I stopped and put a hand out to the wall. Sometimes my visions were disorienting, and more than once I had ended up on my butt on the floor after a particularly involved one.

This one was very simple. I could see Bella, asleep. Lying beside her, holding her hand was Edward. He was a little indistinct, but it was definitely him.

_Edward. At last._

The vision faded slowly, and I was left standing in our front hallway with a damp dishcloth over my shoulder. Instead of going upstairs, I went back into the kitchen and made a cup of tea. Put the garbage out. Tidied the living room.

After half an hour or so, I tiptoed upstairs and peeked into Edward's room. Both asleep. Holding hands. Just like in the vision.

There were a lot of things I probably should do – not the least of which was wake Bella up and take her home. But instead, I left them there, as innocent as two children sleeping side by side.

I didn't know who Bella Higginbotham really was. But I knew there was more to her than met the eye. Both good and bad.

And she was bringing my brother Edward back to life.

**A/N: Thanks to all who have reviewed so far and given me your ideas and feedback. I always love to hear from people on suggestions for future plot points, so don't hesitate to share your ideas. Read and review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: In this chapter, we get our first look at Bella's backstory. We heard none of this from her in the first four chapters because the mirror's "rules" prevented the children from talking about family. We will hear the second half of Bella's history (which she tells to Alice here, but we are not privy to) in the next chapter.**

**I apologize in advance for making Charlie a rotten dad in this story. I adore Charlie in canon and it hurt me to make him an unsympathetic character here. **

~~ - ~~

BPOV

I awoke to an unfamiliar cascade of sunlight on the side of my face. This was confusing. The garret that I lived in had windows, but none of them allowed light like this. _Where am I?_

I opened my eyes.

Directly in my face was a thicket of soft, delicious-smelling reddish brown hair. I squinted, pulling back a little. Except I couldn't move my arm because not only was it dead asleep, it was also trapped by something. More squinting, blinking and tugging of arm.

The mass of hair in front of me suddenly sighed, and I felt myself being pulled gently but firmly back to my original position in the bed.

_Bed. Hair. Sunshine. _The gears were slow to mesh this morning.

_Holy fuck!_

I was in bed with Edward. I must have fallen asleep here last night waiting for Alice to come back upstairs. And incredibly had slept the entire night through with a guy who was a near-stranger to me. I levered myself up on my other arm to get a better vantage point.

Fortunately, he was sound asleep, his forehead crinkled in a serious expression. His mouth was open just a little bit, the tip of his tongue caught lightly between his teeth. Edward had the sexiest mouth I had ever seen on a guy in my life. The desire to wrap my lips around that tiny bit of his tongue was nearly overwhelming. I realized I was staring like someone possessed, and stopped.

Further investigation proved that we had spent the night spooned right up against one another. The fingers of my right hand were still meshed through his, exactly as they'd been last night. I guess somewhere in the night, he had rolled over, taking my hand and arm with him.

As gently as I could, I leaned forward and extracted my fingers from his. In doing so, my face brushed over his neck, sending tingles through my body. Finally freed from Edward's grip, I was now at liberty to get the hell out of his bed.

Except I didn't want to.

It had been a long time since I had shared a bed with a man. Longer still since I had shared one comfortably. I wanted to stay in this little cocoon of warmth and innocence. I wanted to listen to all his troubles and, in turn, tell him all of mine.

For the first time since I was 13, I felt like I had met a kindred spirit.

~~ - ~~

_OK. Enough._

I eased myself out of the bed without waking him – but not before I gave myself the luxury of nuzzling into that glorious hair for a moment and inhaling Edward's luscious scent one more time. I felt like a bit of a molester doing that, but I was powerless to resist. He was that attractive.

After cleaning up as best I could, I went downstairs. I still had no idea what time it was, but it had to be early. Not too early for Alice, though.

"Good morning, Bella," she said from the kitchen where she was perusing the fat Sunday edition of the _Chronicle_. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please," I said, taking the big mug she handed me. She even had real bagels (from a Jewish bakery, not those crazy frozen things) and cheese. Clock said it was 7:30 a.m. I took a seat at the kitchen table, wondering uneasily if Alice was about to take me to task for spending the night in bed with her brother. Surely she didn't think something happened, did she? I eyed her nervously. She didn't look upset – if anything, she looked practically beatific.

"I … um … spent the night in your brother's room," I said awkwardly.

"Yes, I know," she said with a little smile.

"Nothing happened," I added. Her smile broadened; Alice was far too amused with this conversation for my liking.

"I know that too," she said, looking smugly down at her section of the paper.

"I don't want you to think that I'm … doing something … uh … untoward …or … you know … taking advantage …" I stopped before I dug the hole of my embarrassment any deeper. Alice finally stopped grinning like a maniac, put her coffee down and looked up from her paper.

"On the contrary, Bella, I think you're very good for Edward. I'm happy that you were able to help him and give him some comfort last night. You've already managed to gain his trust, and that's more than most others have accomplished in all his years of treatment."

I looked at her, feeling a little dismayed. And guilty. Very guilty.

"Alice," I said, and stopped. I took a deep breath. "Alice, do you want me to _treat_ your brother? As in, professionally?" Her face went a little blank as I said this, and my stomach twisted with anxiety. Maybe that's exactly what she wanted. Maybe that's all she'd ever wanted from me – cheap therapy for Edward.

_I knew she didn't really want me as a friend. Who would?_

There was a pause, and Alice's strange eyes still seemed unfocused. Then suddenly she jerked back to life.

"No … no! I don't want that at all. Please don't think that way about yourself!" I pulled back, a little shocked at her words. _I hadn't said anything out loud, had I?_ "Edward already has a therapist. He doesn't need another one. And I like having you as a friend. We all do. Is that … okay with you?" She seemed strangely diffident.

"More than okay, Alice. I really like you guys, all of you. You have something really special here as a family. I feel privileged to be included."

"Why wouldn't we want you?" she asked curiously. "You're great. Funny. Smart. Compassionate. You're a no-drama kind of girl."

I looked back down at my coffee cup in silence. _Alice didn't want to hear about my life, did she?_ I peeked back up from under my lashes, and she was sitting there expectantly.

_Oh yes, she did._

"I've had my share, Alice," I said at last. "My childhood was far from ideal. And I did a number on my own adolescence. It took lot of hard work on my part and support from my family to pull my act back together and start over." She sat there, silently, her eyes telling me to go on. I sighed – I guess I may as well get it over with. Then she could decide if she really wanted to be friends with a fuck-up like me.

"My dad … Charlie … he left my mom for another woman when I was a baby. It was terrible for my mom, really rough on her emotionally and financially. Textbook deadbeat dad. Sent the child support when it suited him, forgot when it didn't. Then when I was seven or so, he decided he wanted to be part of my life again. He moved back to Phoenix with his new wife and everything."

I smiled in spite of myself. "It was such a happy year in my life. We're very similar in many ways, my dad and me. And where we weren't similar … well, I was willing to do just about anything to make myself more like him. I played baseball, cut my hair shorter, watched sports on television with him. I even let him call me by his pet name for me, even though I didn't like it. I tried to be the perfect daughter for him.

"Except that after a year of playing Dad, Charlie got bored. He and his wife put the house up for sale and got new jobs in Washington State without even telling me. I saw the For Sale sign on the lawn in front of their house one day when I was over visiting.

"He was gone by the time I turned eight. Wasn't even there for my birthday." It still hurt thinking back on that time. "Just walked away out of my life again. Of course, I blamed myself for not being good enough, not trying hard enough to please him." I looked at Alice and was startled to see tears in her eyes. "Don't. It's really not that bad. You get used to it after a while…"

"No one should get used to feeling like that," she said softly. "Especially not a kid."

"Maybe so. Anyway, I was really down on myself for a while until I … made a new friend. A great guy who accepted me for who I was and didn't judge. We kinda grew up together for a while. He made my life worth living again. During the worst times, he was all I had to live for. And he never knew about my dad. It was just something I could never … tell him about.

"But in the end, I lost him too."

"Did he move away or something? Change into an ass like so many men do when they become teenagers?" We both cackled a little at that.

"No, no, remarkably not. And he didn't live close by – he was more of a long-distance friend whom I saw pretty regularly. He didn't move away. He … died, Alice." Her hand came up to cover her mouth in shock at my words. "It was a tragic accident. His house collapsed during a natural disaster while he was inside it. I still have the newspaper article at home. God, it was the worst. I can't imagine how his parents managed. He was an only child, you know."

I didn't tell Alice the agony of searching for Teddy after the earthquake … ironically, it was the earthquake that allowed me to finally find him. The next day, the news had been full of the quake in the Bay Area. Ninety-seven people had died.

When I couldn't get back to our little world, night after night, week after week, I began to suspect that Teddy was among the dead. I researched every death, every name … until I stumbled across the news story about one Theodore Shepherd, age 13, who had been crushed to death when a wall had collapsed in his home.

It had to be him. There was no other explanation in my mind. Teddy was gone. Forever.

"I didn't deal well with his death. I kept it all inside, couldn't talk to anyone about it."

"He was more than just a friend to you, wasn't he?" asked Alice softly. I nodded, brushing at a tear that trickled down my cheek.

"He was … so special. First kiss. First love. I still remember how it felt when he held my hand. You never forget that."

We sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, finishing our bagels. Finally, Alice spoke again.

"There's more, isn't there? Worse stuff."

"I don't know if you'd call it worse. Just a continuation of a bad pattern started early in life. Do you want to hear the rest?" Alice nodded.

And so I told her.

At the end of it, she just sat there, looking down at the newspaper in silence.

"I'm sorry these things happened to you, Bella," she finally said.

"I know. Sometimes I am too – I spend too much time feeling sorry for myself over it, even the parts that I brought upon myself. I was lucky to get the help I needed when I did. I'm a much happier, healthier person for it." I paused, feeling my way forward in this conversation. "You can share some of this with Edward too, if you think he'd be open to it. Maybe the part about my childhood. I would want to tell him about the other stuff myself when I'm ready."

"OK," said Alice. Her eyes glazed over briefly. "He'll be up soon … did you want to see him?"

"No," I replied hastily. "No need. I'll catch him later this week sometime." I carried my breakfast things to the sink. "I'd better head out. I've got laundry to do and a paper to work on. And I've got to wash my hair tonight … I know that sounds terribly trite, but it's no easy task when you have a mop like I do."

"That reminds me," she said, going into the other room and coming back with a sheet of paper. "I have something really personal to ask of you. Do you use any of these hair products, by any chance?" Puzzled, I looked over the list she had handed to me. Surprisingly, my shampoo of choice was on there.

"Yes, actually, I do. This one." I pointed to it. "Why? Do you have an allergy to it, or … oh. Last night?"

She nodded. "If you're going to have any … physical proximity … to my brother, I recommend changing the flavor. It's the strawberry scent in particular that triggers his memories." I couldn't imagine why the smell of strawberries would make Edward have a flashback of an earthquake. Maybe he was eating them right before it happened. The mind is a funny thing.

Alice walked me to the door, and I hugged her. "Thanks for lending an ear, Alice."

"Anytime," she said. My car was parked on the street; I could see a parking ticket flapping at me in the wind, and I groaned.

"Where do you park?" I asked, looking around. I could see a Prius parked on the tiny parking pad – I guessed that was Jasper's. He must have gotten in late last night. There was a Jeep and a Volvo parked right in front of the house.

"I don't have a car," explained Alice cheerfully. "I can't drive. Medical condition." She paused, her eyes wandering again. "Bella, can I ask you a funny question?" I nodded. "What was the pet name your dad called you that you didn't like?"

"Oh," I said, blushing a little. "My dad used to call me by his last name … you know, like I was a football player. One of the team."

"He called you … Higginbotham?" asked Alice in a doubtful voice. I laughed.

"No, silly. That's my mom's maiden name. I took it after my dad left for the second time. I wanted a last name I could be proud of. Even if it isn't the sexiest one around."

"But … what did your father call you?" Alice persisted.

"Swan. His last name is Swan."

~~ - ~~

APOV

I walked with Bella to the front door, deep in thought. There had been something she'd said earlier that I'd wanted to ask her about, a little question I thought to tease her with. But it eluded me, most annoyingly.

Listening to Bella had been fascinating. At first, I had been alarmed by the quick visions of her that flickered in and out of my mind. I had never seen anyone's path change so frequently. They had swung between light and dark so fast that I thought for a few moments she was suffering from some serious mental illness.

Then I realized that Bella was countering a strong negative inner voice automatically with a more positive thought process. I recognized it – she was practicing a type of cognitive behavior therapy, particularly successful in mood and anxiety disorders. Whenever Bella had a particularly strong negative thought about herself, I'd see a glimpse of a possible path, which would then be rapidly erased by her supporting positive thought. It was disconcerting to watch, but also a fascinating insight into the practice. I wonder how she had become so skilled at it.

We were outside on the doorstep when I remembered what I wanted to ask her. And in that moment, I received the clearest vision I had ever seen of my brother since that awful night under the dining room table when I had seen the hideous, twisted path his life would have taken had he been treated for a non-existent case of schizophrenia.

Edward, his face raging with a combination of desire and terror, was looking at Bella's reflection in the mirror. They were standing in a bedroom – I didn't recognize it, so I assumed it was Bella's. She was blushing and looking back at Edward from under her sooty lashes. Her long hair was loose, hanging down around her thighs. She was naked and breathtakingly beautiful.

I felt awful, intruding on such a personal future moment of theirs, yet the vision stubbornly stayed in front of my eyes. I tried to look anywhere else except at my brother and Bella and, in doing so, spotted the clue I had been missing all along. The puzzle pieces fell into place at last.

Then the vision was gone, and Bella was getting ready to leave.

"Bella, can I ask you a funny question?" She nodded. "What was the pet name your dad called you that you didn't like?"

"Oh," she said, blushing a little. "My dad used to call me by his last name … you know, like I was a football player. One of the team."

"He called you … Higginbotham?" I asked doubtfully. She laughed.

"No, silly. That's my mom's maiden name. I took it after my dad left for the second time. I wanted a last name I could be proud of. Even if it isn't the sexiest one around."

"But … what did your father call you?" I persisted.

"Swan. His last name is Swan."

Somehow I stayed smiling and calm. I stood on the doorstep, trembling slightly as she walked to her car and pulled the parking ticket off the windshield, thrusting it into her bag in sheer disgust. Then I went back inside, closed the door and walked upstairs to my brother's room. Edward was still asleep, buried in the covers, only a tuft of his hair showing.

_Stay focused. You need to think this through before saying anything to either of them._

For now, I had a practical reason to be here. I removed the top blanket, on which Bella had laid all night. Then I pulled the pillowcase off the pillow on her side of the bed. Both were soaked with her strawberry scent; the smell would send Edward into a tailspin if he woke up to it.

_All night. My brother lay beside his long-lost Swan all night and didn't realize it. _

Or perhaps he did, on some level. Now it was just a case of the two of them learning to recognize each other again.

Adrift in thought, I went downstairs to do the laundry. And think.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I woke up feeling warm and comfortable in my cocoon of blankets. I stretched and then suddenly remembered what had happened last night.

_Shit. A flashback. It's been months since I've had one._

I furrowed my brow, trying to remember what I had been doing right before it happened. I was making popcorn with Bella … we had been having a nice time … actually, a wonderful time. Then I reached up to get the bowl, and things fell apart.

I remembered grabbing the bowl, then bending down to give it to her. My face in her hair … the smell of her hair. I groaned. Of course. Whatever shampoo Bella used must be the same or similar to that of Swan's.

Although the scientific jury was still out on how significant an impact scent has on memory, that particular scent – the smell of Swan's hair – had always had a dramatic effect one on me. The first time I had smelled it was when I was 15, and Alice had dragged me on some hideously boring shopping excursion. We'd been in one of those crazy luxury bath stores when Alice had waved a bottle under my nose and asked my opinion. My opinion, it turned out, resulted in a trip to the emergency ward as I hit the floor, twitching.

Through painstaking trial and error, Alice had researched and compiled a list of all the products that triggered my flashbacks. I imagined that Bella already had that list in her hands.

I sighed and rolled over to the other side of the bed, pressing my face into the pillow. It was then that I noticed the pillow case was gone. As was the top blanket on my bed. _What the hell was going on here?_

"They're in the wash, Edward!" Alice suddenly shouted from downstairs, startling the crap out of me. I hated it when she did that. "I didn't want you to smell it again!"

I thought about this for a moment. How would that smell get on my pillow and blanket unless …

I scrabbled through my memories of last night. I remembered lying on the floor, feeling soft, soothing touches on my hair. Alice urging me softly to wake up. Climbing slowly up the stairs, exhausted. Then nothing. Just warm, comfortable sleep. No nightmares, no dreams, nothing. Just warm.

I sat up and looked down at the sheets for a moment. I moved them carefully, looking. Then one by one, I picked out four strands of very long brown hair.

Bella had been here last night.

I had a sudden memory of pulling a warm, soft body against me during the night, and my hand in a firm, safe grasp.

_She had stayed all night with me. To make sure I was all right._

I felt like my heart was going to explode for a moment. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so cared for. Even by Alice.

I got out of bed to start my day.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: No, Alice is not going to tell Edward or Bella right away about what she has learned. We will learn more about her decision in the next chapter.**

**Can I just say how much I appreciate everyone's comments and ideas on this story? Your reviews make me so happy. Thanks for sticking with me on this unusual little story – I totes love you all! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hugs to my bb algonquinrt for helping me write these two crazy kids. I couldn't have done this chapter without you. Natch.**

~~ - ~~

BPOV

I had a few hours off between classes on Wednesdays, and I was debating whether to go home (where I'd probably just sleep) or catch up on my reading here in Tolman Hall. I decided on the latter and started grubbing around in my bag for my laptop. Professor Zhou had assigned at least two or three more articles to me; I could just look them up on the class website and download the PDFs …

There was a sound of nervous throat clearing in front of me, and I looked up from my bag. Standing in front of me, shifting nervously from one foot to the other, his eyes looking everywhere except at me, was Edward. He was in full lockdown mode – hair flattened to the side of his head, glasses on, v-neck sweater with a white button down underneath and … dear Lord … a tie. You didn't see too many of those around here.

"Hi," he mumbled.

"Hello Edward," I said, feeling shy but realizing I had to take the lead here. It was obvious that he was out of his element. "I'm surprised to see you over here. You're mainly in Evans Hall, aren't you?"

"Yes," he said, his cheeks going a little pink. Then he just stood there for a moment. "Would … would you l-l-like to go for a coffee?"

_I can read later._ "Sure," I said, standing up and tripping over the edge of my laptop bag. Edward caught me by the arms and kept me from falling, but twisted his face quickly away from me. I felt a little hurt until I realized why. "It's okay," I said matter-of-factly. "Alice told me about your aversion to certain scents, so I changed to a new kind of shampoo. Some flowery stuff – no more strawberries." I gathered up my things and smiled. "Where do you want to go? The Coffee Spot?"

"Sure," he said. Edward held the door for me, which both startled and pleased me. We walked in silence. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He walked a bit hunched over, his eyes to the ground; you could walk past him a hundred times and never see him. Invisible.

I found us a cozy table while Edward ordered us drinks … I wrapped my hands around my mocha to warm them up.

"No coffee?" I asked as he added sugar to his tea.

"No," he said, and a tiny smile hovered in the corner of his delicious mouth, "I think I'm already edgy enough." But the smile disappeared an instant later, and when he looked up a moment later, his face didn't show a trace of emotion. _Hiding again?_

"Alice said it would be good for us to talk," he said finally. "So do you want me to start with my medical history? I can give you a list of the meds I've been on …"

"What?" I interrupted in panic. "No. I mean if you want... No. Wait. Why would I want that?" Edward looked at me, confused. Clearly, he was not expecting this reaction.

"I thought... well, don't you want that? I mean, if you are going to be helping or studying … you know … me..." He trailed off. I put my head in my hands, horrified at this turn of events.

"So you thought... ugh." Bad enough when I thought Alice was looking to bring me on as Edward's therapist. It was even worse when Edward himself was thinking the same thing. "God, this is awkward. Like you were supposed to be the subject of my psychology internship or something?"

"Well, yes," Edward mumbled, looking down at his tea. "I mean, isn't that...? You don't want...?"

"No!" I half-shouted, causing a few people to look our way. Both of us slid down in our seats at the sudden attention. I moderated my voice. "No. I mean, no. I want to talk to you. Alice thinks it would be good for us to talk. But not like... not like that." Edward looked up, his forehead crinkling. _Is it normal to find a man's forehead so sexy? Jesus! Focus, Bella!_

"Oh. So, hypnosis or something? I mean, I've tried that..."

"No. No! Not ... not in any kind of professional way." I turned a dozen shades of red. "I mean... Edward, seriously... the very fact that we spent a night in bed together – no matter how innocent – means there's no possibility of us having a professional relationship ..." _And it's not a professional relationship I want with you!_ But there was no way I could say that out loud, and Edward's face suddenly fell.

"So you don't want to talk to me?"

"No. Yes. No. Yes, I want to talk to you, but not like that." _Fucking hell, this is the worst conversation ever!_

"Then how?" He looked mystified.

"As... um... friends, maybe? Something like that?"

Edward's eyes snapped up from his drink, and he looked me full in the face for a moment, his expression incredulous. His eyes were an amazing shade of green, and as soon as I gazed into them, I was lost. Just lost.

_Why do I feel like I've known you all my life?_

For an instant, something fluttered in the back of my memory. Something sweetly familiar. And then it was gone.

"Friends?" said Edward, like he'd never heard the word before.

"Or something like that," I added faintly. His eyes dropped back down to his drink in front of him.

"I'd like that," he said in a low voice.

"Then okay," I said, taking a breath and trying to shake off the crazy magnetism I felt between us. We sat silently for a minute. "Fucking Alice," I cursed under my breath, but it came out louder than expected. Edward snorted with laughter.

"She means well," we both said at the same time. And the awkwardness melted a little more as we laughed together.

~~ - ~~

"Alice told me about your dad," Edward said after a bit. "Kinda hard for me to imagine a parent treating their kid so casually. My parents are really supportive, especially my dad. I guess I never realized how lucky I am."

"Most people never do," I said. "We take a lot in life for granted. I mean, you never read any story books growing up in which parents are depicted as unreliable douchebags." I made rings on the table with the bottom of my cup. "She told you that I lost a close friend to an accident as well?"

He nodded, his eyes softening. "Yeah. I'm sorry. Thirteen is a horrible age to begin with – you have all these grown-up feelings but are so powerless to do anything about them. You basically have no money, no freedom and no mobility of your own. And definitely no judgment. And yet everything inside you is screaming for you to do things that require all of those elements." I thought that description was quite apt.

"You were the same age when you got … hurt, weren't you?" I realized I had no idea what had happened to him during the earthquake, only that he'd gotten hurt in one.

"Yes," Edward said quietly. There was a pause. "I want to tell you about what happened that night. And not give you the bullshit public story that we give everyone else. But I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet." His face was swimming with a mixture of uncertainty, sorrow and sheer terror. "Alice said … she said I could trust you the way I can trust her and Jasper and Emmett."

"You can," I said, even though I didn't really know what that meant. Clearly the four of them had a close bond, one that was probably connected to the story behind Edward's trauma. Something that wasn't entirely fit for public consumption.

_It's not like your secrets are terribly normal, _I pointed out to myself.

"And it's okay. You tell me when you're ready." Edward smiled crookedly at me, a sight that sent my hormones into overdrive again. How could people not see past his nerdy little façade and realize how gorgeous this guy was?

"You don't have to tell me anything either … I mean, if you don't want to," he said. "But you can tell me anything … anything you want! … if you want to." I smiled at his awkward assurance.

"I know," I said, and felt how strangely true those simple words were. I had to repeat them. "I really do know I can tell you anything."

We looked at each other for a moment and, trying not to over-think it, I reached out and gently touched his hand sitting on the table. Edward's eyes widened noticeably as my fingers lightly brushed down the back of his hand. It was meant to be nothing more than a friendly, supportive touch, but the unexpected shock of desire that I got running my fingers along his skin took me totally by surprise. I gave his long, slender fingers a little squeeze – they were slippery with sweat – and pulled my hand away.

"You're so nice," said Edward so quietly I had to lean forward to hear him. "Don't you have a … boyfriend or something? Someone like you must be already … you know … taken." He was still staring at his hand, his pupils so large that his eyes looked black.

"A boyfriend?" I said. "No, Edward, I don't have a boyfriend. Not for a long time." I paused and took a deep breath. _Now or never._ "What I do have is an ex-husband."

His eyebrows arched up so high they nearly vanished into his hair line.

"That seems like a rotten thing to have at our age," he said dryly, but there was only sadness in his voice, not judgment.

"It is. But I haven't anyone to blame for it … I went in with my eyes open."

"What happened?" Edward asked softly. I blew at the curls hanging around my face and wondered what he'd think of me by the end of it.

"Between my dad leaving and … my friend dying when I was young, I started to get a crazy complex that I was somehow unlovable. By men. I wasn't very popular and didn't get asked out a lot … too shy, I guess. Too different.

"Then when I was in eleventh grade, one of the guys in my class – James – started paying attention to me. At first, I just thought he wanted help with his school work or something. But then he asked me out. He was good looking, and I just couldn't believe he wanted me. Me! And therein lay the problem – it was never an equal relationship.

"When James and I started dating, I felt unworthy and undeserving of his love. To compensate, I did everything and anything he asked of me. Tended to his every need. Gave up my virginity to him well before I felt ready. Changed all my habits, friends and dreams for him.

"Just after he'd turned 18, James proposed to me. Down on one knee, diamond ring, the whole thing. But there was one condition … naturally, since James' love always came with conditions," I added with a sad smile. "I had to give up my acceptance to Berkeley and stay with him in Phoenix.

"Of course, I said yes. We were married at city hall in August – my mother was unhappy with our choice, but gave us her support when she realized we were going ahead no matter what. My father didn't even respond to the wedding invitation. James' parents were totally fine with it all – they had married young too. What I didn't tell James was that I hadn't declined my Berkeley acceptance … instead, I deferred it for a year. I figured I'd be able to talk him around in a year's time. Who doesn't want to move to San Francisco?"

"Let me guess … James?" Edward said.

"You would be correct," I said. "But our marriage was doomed well before that. At first, it was good. We had a little apartment together. He wanted sex from me every night, no matter what. And I was Mrs. James LaClair. What better proof that I was loved and wanted by a man? We were both working, paying the bills with a tiny bit left over at the end of the month for little extras. I was happy."

Edward didn't say anything, just kept looking at me while his fingers busily shredded a pile of napkins beside him.

"I knew James could be … possessive. Controlling. He took to opening my mail, screening my calls. And one day, a letter from Berkeley came, asking if I would be attending school later that year or if I would be deferring to the next academic year." I paused. "He went nuts. Said if I lied to him about Berkeley, then I must be lying about other things. That maybe I was sneaking around on him, that I must be a whore as well as a liar. It just got worse from there."

The little pile of napkin pieces that Edward had created scattered abruptly, and I saw his knuckles whiten.

"I cried and cried, begged his forgiveness and promised to do anything he asked … if he would just let me go to Berkeley. It was so important to me to get my degree, to learn and grow as a person, maybe become a teacher so I could support our little household better. The more I begged, the angrier he got. In the end, he told me it was Berkeley or him. And he left."

"And you chose Berkeley?" Edward asked, his jaw tense.

"No, I didn't," I said softly. "I chose him. After three weeks without him – he had stormed off to his parents' place with a suitcase full of clothes – I went to tell him I would decline the acceptance. That I would give up my dreams for him.

"I was too late. He told me – very coldly – he had moved on, that he didn't care whether I went to Berkeley or not. He said had found someone else, and we were done. Just like that. My marriage ended on the doorstep of his parents' house. He didn't even invite me in to tell me."

There was a sudden snapping sound as Edward's stir stick broke in half. I looked up at him in surprise, and he looked abashed.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I just can't stand the thought of you … I mean, any woman … being treated so badly by a man. Not just by a man – your husband. How could he demand you give up your ambitions for him? And you were going to do it! That's the worst thing."

"No," I said, rubbing my forehead. "The worst thing was that even when I did offer to give them up, James didn't care. He never cared about my dreams in the first place. They were utterly worthless and meaningless to him. Just like me. Utterly worthless and meaningless …"

"Don't say that," he said in a low, pained voice. And he reached out to put his hand on top of mine this time. "Please, don't ever say that."

Time seemed to stand still in that moment as his hand came across to mine. I could see the trembling in his fingers and feel how damp his palm was when it touched my skin. The wild thudding of his pulse thundered against the back of my hand.

Edward was terrified.

_Social anxiety disorder,_ I thought. It would fit with the PTSD. And then the magnitude of what he was doing right now suddenly hit me.

What had it cost him to leave the safety of his faculty building, walk to a strange place to ask a woman he barely knew out for coffee? To sit with me in a public place, make stilted conversation, endure any amount of embarrassment talking about these terribly personal issues?

I was so overwhelmed by his bravery that my eyes filled with tears. I blinked them back so that he wouldn't see … or find a way to blame himself for it.

~~ - ~~

"I felt worthless at the time, Edward," I said after a moment, "but I don't feel that way anymore. Or at least, I have those feelings more under control. But I was 18 years old then, had just been cruelly discarded by my husband of oh … seven months. I couldn't hold my shit together anymore. Everything just fell apart."

Moving as slowly as I could, I twined my fingertips through his. He sat very still for a long moment, then pulled my fingers more closely into his.

"I went home to my mom's place. She arranged for my stuff to be removed from the apartment – I couldn't even get out of bed, let alone pack a box. The divorce process started almost immediately. James couldn't wait to get rid of me." Edward's fingers tightened convulsively around mine, and I squeezed back.

"I slid into a monumental funk. I wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't eat, wouldn't do anything. I cried. And I blamed myself for everything. My mom dragged me to the doctor, who prescribed antidepressants, which I refused to take. I wouldn't go to therapy or do anything to help myself.

"This went on for a couple of months, and my mom was a wreck. She didn't know what to do. She even called my dad, and got him to come down from Washington to talk to me. Fat lot of good he did, just sat on the edge of the bed and lectured me. Said I deserved it for marrying like an idiot at such a young age." I made a face. "He also said it was best that I got my first marriage out of the way without making the big mistake he'd made with his. When I asked him what that mistake was, he said 'having a kid.'"

Edward made a small horrified sound in his throat at that. Very tentatively, he rubbed the pad of his thumb across the back of my hand. It felt so good, so soothing.

There was a soft clicking sound as he took his glasses off and set them down on the table beside our hands. I glanced at them casually at first, then took a harder look. And suppressed a smile. I would have to investigate that further.

"After a few months of this mess, my mom forced me out of bed and into the car. We were going to visit Grandpa Jack, she said. He's her father – he lives in Scottsdale. My Grandpa and I are pretty close, and I figured she was hoping he could talk some sense into me.

"So we drive to Scottsdale and had a lovely lunch. My grandfather is blind and has limited mobility – he's in his late 80s now. He has a live-in caregiver, Helen, who helps look after his needs, cooks and ensures that he's safe. After lunch that day, we did the dishes and sat back down in the living room. Then suddenly, I realized that Helen was taking a suitcase out the door, and my Mom was standing in front of me.

"That's when she told me she was leaving me there."

Edward looked alarmed, but I waved him down. "It's not what you think. It's good. Of course, at the time, I didn't see it that way.

"My mom told me that Helen was taking two weeks' vacation, and that I would need to look after Grandpa Jack while she was gone. She had brought a suitcase full of clothes and stuff for me. Helen had left me a long list of instructions, keys to her car and some household money. And that was it – they both got in the car and left."

"I don't understand why they did that to when you were in such terrible shape," said Edward.

"Because they wanted me to get better," I said with a smile. "And I did.

"Grandpa Jack just sat there on the couch, listening to me cry for a bit. He knew the score. Then he came over and let me cry on his shoulder. And when I was done, he took my hand and told me it was time to think about something besides my troubles for a bit.

"So for the next two weeks, I found out what it was like to live life every day with a whole different set of troubles. For the first week, it was all I could do to look after my grandfather. Driving him where he needed to go. Doctor's appointments, shopping. Caring for the house. Cooking the meals. Looking after his needs, whatever they might be. I fell into bed at night, exhausted. I had such respect for Helen at that point; I just had no idea how hard it was to care for someone else.

"And then in the second week, Grandpa Jack starting talking to me, telling me things. About his life. About the things that had gone wrong for him, and the things that had gone right. And I … was able to tell him things I'd never told anyone else before. Share stuff with him that I was sure I'd go to my grave with. And instead of thinking I was a crazy person, he listened. And helped me understand some of my life experiences better, helped me find a place for them in my mind that made sense for me.

"Don't get me wrong - I didn't go home all cured. But I went home realizing I needed to look after myself. I took my meds. I went to counseling. I was introduced to cognitive behavior therapy to help counter my constant pattern of negative thoughts about my myself and my life. And in September, I moved here, to San Francisco, and started at Berkeley on my undergrad."

I smiled, shivering involuntarily as his thumb brushed slowly up and down the back of my hand. "My Grandpa is 89 now. The divorce is long behind me; I have no idea where James ended up and I don't really care. And I have some very different ideas about what I find attractive in a man now."

There was a long moment of silence. "Hearing all that makes me feel angry," Edward said suddenly. "Angry at your dad, angry at James … angry at myself for not being able to fix my problems as well as you've fixed yours."

"I can understand you'd feel that way," I said. "But the reality is that you and I aren't that different. We both had some very unhappy and traumatic things happen to us as young teens. We both tried in our own ways to fix our own problems. But like you said – you don't always have the best judgment when you're a teenager. So our fixes didn't work. Eventually, I found the one that worked better. And you will too." I gave his hand a warm squeeze. "Having someone you can talk to – someone who is a little bit outside the situation – can help too. It did for me."

Edward smiled wanly, his gaze still locked on our intertwined fingers. Suddenly, there was a shadow over the table.

"I'm sorry … but unless you're going to order something more, do you think you could give up your table to paying customers?" The harried manager of the shop was standing over us, trying to look and sound polite. We stared at him in confusion, then Edward checked his watch.

"Ohmigod," he said really fast. "It's after 5:30." I nearly had a heart attack. Not only had I just spent all my reading time talking to Edward, I had completely missed my afternoon stats lecture. We'd been here for more than four hours.

We both scrambled to our feet, hastily flung our stuff into our bags and scarpered out of the coffee shop, mortified. Once outside in the near-darkness of early California winter, we stopped, looked at each other and cracked up laughing.

"I blew off my stats class," I said, dazed.

"And I guess I can forget about getting my next case into PowerPoint before dinner," said Edward. "I'm supposed to meet Jasper in 20 minutes at home. I guess I'm going to be late." He turned to me, his worried face suddenly softening. "I … I had a nice time. Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me all that."

"Thanks for listening," I replied. There was a moment of awkwardness, and I stepped forward to give him a hug. Edward took a sharp indrawn breath when my body touched his, and my face pressed into his collarbone. Then one of his arms came up around my back, and he patted me clumsily, like he didn't quite know what to do with a woman in his arms. I stayed several seconds longer in his embrace than I should have because it was just so hard to pull away.

But I did step back, allowing my eyes to sweep over his mouth and stare hungrily at his full, delicious-looking lips and briefly fantasizing what it would be like to kiss them. He let out a frightened little squeak and backed up so fast that he nearly toppled off the walkway. His eyes were the size of saucers.

"N-n-no problem, Bella. See you later … maybe tomorrow at Jupiter's? Um … talk to you… uh …later … bye!" And he was gone, bounding away into the semi-dark.

I watched him go in astonishment. I couldn't imagine a more dramatic reaction if I had pulled out a shotgun and pointed it to his head.

_Did he think I was really going to kiss him?_

And for a moment, I had to laugh.

Maybe he would have preferred the shotgun after all.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: The recognition between the two of them coming very slowly … we'll see it pick up next chapter. As always, your reviews, comments and suggestions are muchly wonderful. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to share their thoughts!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Heartfelt thanks to both algonquinrt and mskathy for their contributions to plot in this chapter. And for being great ladies who put up with my shit. Especially this week.**

~~ - ~~

EPOV

It took me 10 minutes to get to my car (even at a run) and then I got caught in disastrous rush hour traffic. It didn't help that the skies opened up in a driving rain storm just as I left campus. I drove with my hand on the horn most of the way and it was still close to 7 p.m. by the time the Volvo screeched wildly up to the curb in front of the house. _Jasper's going to kill me!_

I blew through the front door, already shouting for Jasper and apologizing at the top of my lungs. I toed off my shoes, took two steps into the living room and stepped on a controller for the Xbox.

"Fuck!" I yelled, then realized Jasper was sitting on the living room couch, a beer in hand and a half-eaten rice bowl in front of him. He was staring at me.

"Dude," he said. "Don't shout. I'm right here."

"I'm really sorry I'm late, Jazz," I said rapidly. "I totally lost track of time, and traffic was fucking insane and some lunatic in a red BMW nearly drove me into the ditch and …" Jasper's eyes widened, and he held up a hand to stop me.

"Whoa. Slow down." I stopped and looked at him, baffled at his reaction. "Sit down, okay? Just sit, right here." He patted the couch beside him, and I sat down.

"What?" I asked him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you are shouting. I haven't heard you make a noise that loud since Emmett accidentally-on-purpose set your hair on fire that one time when you were 17. Not to mention the fact that the whole neighborhood heard you pull up to the house. You probably left half your tires on the road." He got up, went into the kitchen and came back with a beer. "Drink this. Then tell me what's going on."

"But we're so late!"

"Late for what, Edward? What is it that we had planned for tonight?" I stared at him blankly, then grinned and put my head in my hands.

"Shit." Jazz and I had plans to go for a run. It was raining cats and dogs outside, and the sky was awash with lightning. There was no way were going out in that. "Sorry, Jazz. I'm an idiot. You should have called me."

Jasper looked at me long and hard for a minute.

"I did. Three times. Is your phone dead?" I reached into my bag and pulled out my cell phone, dark and silent. _I had turned it off so it wouldn't disturb Bella while she was talking._

"I shut it off," I said lamely. He stared at me in polite disbelief. "I didn't want to be disturbed."

"Edward, you never shut your phone off. You are also never late. Or loud. You never drive recklessly. You want to tell me what's gotten into you today?"

"Nothing," I said defensively, feeling the telltale redness creeping up neck. Jasper didn't move, didn't say anything – he just took a sip of beer and settled back on the couch, staring. He could keep this kind of shit up for hours until a person cracked and told him what he wanted to know. Jazz was gifted that way. I toyed with holding out, but I weighed that option against the chance to seek his advice.

"Fine," I said grumpily. "IwashavingcoffeewithBellaandwetalkedforfourhours."

Jasper looked at me for a moment, then cracked up laughing. I scowled at him. "What?" I asked, feeling like an idiot. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," he replied. "Nothing at all. But you don't drink coffee."

"Never mind that," I said. "I just … I really need your help on this one." He nodded encouragingly. "I like her. And I think maybe she likes me back. And I'm nervous – you know, I'm not very good at this shit."

"Edward, you'll be fine. Bella is nice … more than nice, she's amazing. Alice thinks the world of her. If she's giving you the green light, you should go for it." _Not quite the help I need, Jazz._

"I know that part … I just need your advice on … the more … technical aspects." I looked at him pleadingly. Jasper's face was blank. I took a deep, frustrated breath. "I've never dated a girl in my whole life!" I finally hissed. "When is the appropriate time and place to start … kissing?"

"Uh … you've kissed girls before, Edward," said Jasper, looking askance at me. "You know the mechanics. Go slow at first, don't shove your tongue into their mouths like you're trying to eat them alive, and try to be a gentleman."

"I know that part too … it's just that I've never been the initiator of any of this stuff. Usually girls end up kissing me because I'm too tired to fight them off any longer." Jasper mumbled something like "must be nice" under his breath, which I ignored. "Come on, Jasper … a little help here?"

"Edward, there are no rules here. Love isn't an exact science, and there are no formulas I can give you. And no matter what anyone tells you, no matter what you hear or read, there's only one thing that really works – and that's be yourself." He saw the sad expression on my face and smiled lopsidedly. "I know … that's not what you want to hear. But if she's really the right girl for you, she'll be able to see past all this stuff," he waved his hand vaguely at my head, "and see you for who you really are."

_Who I really am … _

"And shit, I forgot … Alice wants to see you. She's upstairs in her room."

"Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly. Alice had been spending a lot of the last few days on her own, which almost certainly meant she was looking for something. But Jasper didn't seem concerned at all – also odd.

"Everything's fine," he said gently, handing me my beer. "Go see your sister."

~~ - ~~

I stood at the door of Alice's bedroom, watching her as she lay on the bed, her eyes blank. If it weren't for her Sight, my life would be in tatters now, if I had survived at all. But when I saw my sister like this – blind, helpless, no control over the pictures in her head – I wished that this gift hadn't been laid upon her.

"Alice," I said softly. She turned her head toward my voice and smiled.

"Edward," she replied.

"What do you see?" I asked. Whatever it was, it must be good – I'd never seen Alice look so radiant during a vision. She let out a long, happy sigh.

"You," she said.

~~ - ~~

I arrived at Jupiter's right behind Jasper, and we walked in together. I could see him studying me out of the corner of his eye … probably waiting to see if I was going to pop a gasket. I was nervous, yes, but nothing I wasn't used to managing through. My social anxiety disorder wasn't as severe as some, and the medications I took kept me from falling into a full-blown panic attack most of the time.

Besides, this felt different. For the first time in a long time, I felt nervous for a good reason.

Emmett and Rose were already at our regular table on the patio under the heat lamp. I didn't see Emmett much these days, even though he lived with us. He spent a lot of time with Rose, who didn't mix easily with us yet. Alice assured us that she would eventually warm up to us – after all, it had only been a few months. And admittedly, we weren't an easy bunch to get to know. Too many secrets among the Cullen clan.

"Hey guys," said Emmett casually. Rosalie smiled at Jasper and gave me a jaundiced look and a nod. Then she looked over my shoulder and said coolly "Alice. Bella."

Composure immediately deserted me, and I fastened my eyes to the table in front of me. I felt, rather than saw, Bella sit down beside me. My anxiety ratcheted up to an unbearable level, and for a moment, I was afraid I was about to lose it.

"Hi Edward," she said softly. I looked up over my glasses, and saw her luminous brown eyes looking at me questioningly. Her pink lips curved up into a smile when I met her eyes, and I was lost. Everything else disappeared when I was looking into her eyes – my family, the restaurant, my nerves … everything.

"Hi," I replied. I saw her cheeks go pink, which made her look even more beautiful. I smiled shyly at her inside our little bubble, and she bit her lower lip. The sight of her soft bottom lip caught between her teeth rushed straight down between my legs and made me hard right at the table. She looked so pretty and classy, dressed in a simple white top with a cropped grey sweater on top. As always, her silver locket hung in the v-neck of her shirt, just above her breasts. I tried not to stare at them – they were very pretty too from what I could see of them.

"Uh, hello? Edward? Bella?" Emmett's voice suddenly cut through the haze. "Do you two love birds want to order anything?" Both of us snapped to attention. Bella blushed and ordered a Red Spot, and I got a dark Porter. We made the bare minimum of polite conversation with everyone else, and then turned back to each other.

"What have you been up to?" I asked.

"Since I saw you less than 24 hours ago?" she asked teasingly, and I felt like an idiot, ducking my head. A moment later, I felt her fingers touch my chin and gently bring my face back up. Her touch was like an electric shock on my skin, and I caught my breath. "I'm just teasing, Edward," she said. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad." I nodded and she removed her hand from my face. I took a long drink of my beer which had just arrived at the table.

"I … um … didn't do much last night. Worked on that case I blew off yesterday afternoon. Hung out with Jasper, played some Xbox." _Nice, really mature_. "Today was busy, I had a few classes. You?"

"I went home and read all night," said Bella. "Today, I worked in the morning and then had class in the afternoon with Alice." She grinned at me. "We're a couple of party animals, aren't we?"

"You work? Like …uh … at a job?" She made a face and nodded.

"Yeah, gotta pay the bills somehow. I work as an assistant to one of the profs in our department – just flunky stuff, helping him prep for classes, putting together lecture notes, stuff like that."

"Bella, did you hear about the changes they're making to the graduate school requirements?" said Alice from across the table, turning her face toward us. I could see Bella twitch slightly at Alice's empty eyes as she chattered on about the admission requirements, a hot topic among grad students right now. Alice had learned long ago how to manage when she had a vision in public, but she had never been able to mask the fixed look in her eyes that came from being unable to see the person in front of her. She looked blind when she was having a vision, plain and simple.

Without thinking, I moved my hand under the table and touched Bella's so that she knew everything was all right. She jumped a little when my hand brushed over hers, but then gently captured my fingers with hers. I froze for a moment, then slowly relaxed my hand to wrap around hers.

I leaned against the table and tried valiantly to listen to Alice's line of conversation. But all I could think about was how good her hand felt in mine. I was just managing to get my head back into the game when Bella started dragging her thumb up and down the edge of my finger. I bit back a sound at how good it felt. My flagging erection roused, and my eyes shot back down to the table. I wasn't entirely sure of how these things worked, but I didn't think you were supposed to get this worked up over holding hands with anyone. _See … I knew I wasn't normal!_

After a few minutes of angsting out quietly in my seat, Bella leaned closer so that no one else could hear us. I noticed her hair was loose, but tucked down the back of her jacket, probably so it didn't tangle in the wind.

"What are you worrying about, Edward?" she murmured. "Please don't try to tell me that you're not," she added as I was about to cut her off to protest that I was fine. She ran her fingers along the back of my hand, and then slid them down to circle lightly around the underside of my wrist. I twitched and let out an audible gasp at her touch, then blushed scarlet when she looked at me in surprise. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was firing at random, and the sensation was overwhelming. Abruptly, I grabbed her fingers and stilled them.

"Stop. Please. When you do that … it makes me feel …funny." She drew back a bit and looked at my face more closely.

"Funny good? Or funny bad?" she asked. Suddenly Bella's features froze, and she pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry … I didn't mean to put you in an awkward position. I mean, you should have told me if you don't like … you know …"

"If I don't like what?" I asked, puzzled.

"Well, maybe you don't like … um … girls?" she said questioningly. "I mean, this is San Francisco, isn't it?" I blushed again – I could seem to stop blushing around her.

"It is San Francisco, last time I checked," I said. "But I most definitely like girls." I reached out and took her hand in mine again. "I'm just … not that …um … good at this. You know. I'm not so experienced and stuff." _That was a vast understatement._

"Okay," she said after a moment. "We can talk more about that later. Is it all right if we hold hands for now?"

"Yes," I said, feeling enormously embarrassed. "I um … really like it." _I really like YOU._ It was now harder to tell who was redder, and suddenly Rosalie's voice wafted over to us.

"If you two get any closer over there, you're going to have to rent a room," she said, an amused smile dancing around her lips. As she'd intended, everyone stopped what they were doing and looked directly at us. We jerked a few inches apart until everyone stopped paying attention to us.

"Sorry about that," I mumbled. "I know Emmett loves her, but I find her hard to warm up to."

"She's just insecure," Bella whispered back. "She's intimidated by you guys because you're all really smart post-grads. She doesn't think she measures up, so this is how she compensates."

"I guess," I said, sounding unconvinced. I got up a few minutes to later to use the restroom; on the way back, I got waylaid by Alice.

"Enjoying Bella's company, big bro?" she asked delightedly. I sighed and rolled my eyes, which didn't bother her in the least. "You know, you should walk her to her car when we leave. It's a nice, gentlemanly thing to do." And then she was gone, back to Jasper.

It was nearly seven when things broke up. Emmett was going back to Rose's place, and Alice and Jasper peeled out of the parking lot in record time. I was not the least bit interested in saying goodnight to Bella, but both of us had work to do. We left the bar at a leisurely pace, still holding hands.

"Where are you parked?" Bella asked.

"Over there," I said, gesturing. "But I'll walk you to your car." She wasn't parked far from me; she drove a little Hyundai that looked like it had seen better days. We stopped, and I wished I had asked Alice for more advice about what I was supposed to say once I got here.

"I had a nice time," said Bella, her voice startling me out of my worries.

"Oh. Yes, me too," I replied.

Bella didn't get in her car, and I wondered if she was waiting for me to do something. She didn't say anything, but I saw her eyes flit down to my mouth and back up again. And at that point, I knew exactly why Alice had wanted me to walk Bella to her car – and it had nothing to do with being a gentleman.

_Oh sweet Jesus, help me now._

Yes, I had kissed girls before. (I had been told I was a 'nice' kisser.) But most of the time, it was a dutiful peck good-night on my part. Occasionally, things had gotten more heated, usually when the girl I was with was either too drunk or too stubborn to be put off by my lack of response. It wasn't that I didn't feel attracted to beautiful women – I almost always did. Most often it was anxiety, fear of failure or lack of interest in their personalities that held me back.

At this particular moment, I was definitely suffering from the first two. But my attraction to Bella – both physically and emotionally – was so overwhelming that I thought maybe I could do this.

I took one step and then another until we were nose to nose. My heart felt like it was going to take off out of my chest as I pulled her into my arms. Her hair brushed against my cheek, soft and silky. We stayed like that for a long moment as I frantically tried to work up the courage to do this.

Bella pulled back just enough for our faces to be in the right spot. I aimed for her lips, squinched my eyes shut and moved my head forward.

Much faster than I would have expected, my mouth was against her. Her lips were soft and very gentle, just brushing lightly against mine. She seemed as content as I was to take it very slowly, letting me touch my lips to hers a few times as I got used to the shock of it. The next contact was a little longer, and the next one longer still.

I parted my lips a bit, wanting to feel and taste more. Bella did the same, letting out a tiny sound of pleasure against my mouth. The sensation of it sent a line of fire straight down my body to my penis, which was getting harder with every passing second. Bella's hands came off my shoulders and cupped my face. Very tenderly, she tilted my head a little bit. The new position felt even better, and I captured her sweet bottom lip more firmly on the next kiss.

I pulled her closer to me, still keeping space between her body and my erection. Which twitched violently in my pants when Bella softly touched the tip of her tongue to my lower lip. She did it again a moment later, and I couldn't hold back a moan this time. And the next time her warm tongue stroked my lip, I opened my mouth to her.

And voice far in the back of my mind suggested there were nicer places to make out with a girl for the first time other than in a parking lot of a bar. But I ignored the voice and just kept kissing Bella … because I didn't want to stop. And for several minutes, we didn't. I went slow, tried not to ram my tongue down her throat (although the urge to take every last bit of her into my mouth seemed to grow with each passing moment) and did my best to be a gentleman. Which is not easy to do, I discovered, when you have a ginormous hard-on.

Her hands slid around to the back of my neck, her fingers trailing up and down my skin lightly. A wild shudder went through me, and I could feel my erection straining even harder at the front of my jeans. Everything about her made me feel good – her smell, her taste, the feel of her slender body in my arms. I wanted … I wanted …

I wanted _her_.

Reaching up behind me, I took one of her hands off my neck and started pulling it down my body. She broke off the kiss, looking at me questioningly through her sleepy eyes. Both of us were panting a little.

"I want you to know how you make me feel," I whispered. Fear flickered in her eyes for a moment – I think she might have thought I was going to do something inappropriate. Instead, I placed her hand, palm down, fingers splayed, over my heart. Which was pounding wildly in my chest.

"Feel that?" I said in a low voice. "You're doing that to me."

Her expression softened and she laid her head down beside her hand for a moment. We leaned against her car, catching our breath. Bella's hand found mine and she let her fingers trail lightly over my palm, making little circles. I made a sound of contentment, for once giving myself over to pleasurable feelings. Her fingers wandered over to the inside of my wrist, following my veins, ghosting along my forearms, touching the skin that was exposed by my rolled-up sweater sleeves.

And then running over the bracelet.

"What's this?" she asked, touching it gently.

"A bracelet," I replied. "From when I was younger. I made it." I wasn't ready to tell her about Swan yet, even if Alice said it was okay. Swan was private, special. And I felt a strange pain in my heart wearing Swan's hair around my wrist as I held another woman in my arms.

Bella's fingers ran around the bracelet, and she finally pulled my wrist up closer to her face to look at it. She stared at it for the longest time, and then looked up at me with the strangest expression on her face.

"What's this made out of?" she asked in a small voice. _Shit._ Now I was in trouble. She was going to be mad.

"Um … it's made of hair," I mumbled. "A friend of mine gave me her hair before she … went away. And I made that with it. Just a little … you know … something to remember her by." I waited for Bella to freak out at my weirdness, but she didn't say anything. She just stroked the bracelet gently with her forefinger.

"She must have been very special to you," she whispered. I swallowed hard, not wanting all the memories to come rushing at me, not wanting to have another flashback in front of Bella.

"She still is," I replied, "even though she's gone." I didn't want to talk about this, think about this right now. I pulled her closer into my arms, burying my face in her hair. "Please can we not talk about that now?" I asked. Bella didn't answer me, just took my face in her hands once again and kissed me so intensely that I felt it all the way to my toes.

"I need to get going," she said in a soft voice. "Would you mind … giving me your phone number? So we could talk more?"

"Sure," I said, and we handed one another our phones to enter our information.

Bella gave me back my phone, kissed me one more time, then slipped into her car. I stood in the parking lot and watched her drive away.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

I'm not entirely sure how I made it home. I just know that I did, safely.

My mind was spinning as I climbed upstairs in the house I shared with three other women. Only one of them was home, and I gave her a distracted wave as I went down the hall to my bedroom. I sat down on my bed in the dark and slipped the locket over my head.

I had lived the last 10 years of my life believing something. And tonight, for the first time, I started to wonder if I had been wrong.

Maybe I was just tired, letting my imagination run away from me.

Teddy was dead. I saw the newspaper article. I visited his grave every few months, left flowers. He was buried in a graveyard on the Oakland side of the Bay.

_What if that wasn't Teddy?_

Using my fingernail, I gently prized the locket open, holding my hand underneath it so none of the hair would fall. There it was in a little bundle. There was more in an envelope in the top drawer of my dresser … just in case I ever lost the locket. The strands gleamed golden in the light from the hallway.

I tried to think logically … what were the facts?

Edward had gotten caught in an earthquake in his family home when he was 13.

The smell of my own brand of shampoo – one that I had used since I was a kid – triggered a traumatic memory in him so profound that it led to a PTSD flashback.

He was wearing a bracelet around his wrist made out of human hair. Long, brown human hair from a girl who had departed his life a long time ago.

We had an instant and unexplained comfort level with one another. Not to mention a slow burning attraction that was rapidly starting to heat up.

What if Teddy wasn't dead? What if he had been alive all this time … and had finally come back into my life in the guise of Edward Cullen?

I carefully closed the locket and put it on my bedside table. Put on pajamas. Washed up, brushed my teeth, took my medications. Then I crawled into bed, pulled up the covers and allowed myself to weep.

_What if …_

~~ - ~~

**A/N: So Alice is in the know, Bella's getting there and Edward … well, he's got a ways to go. I think we'll see some of Esme and Carlisle in the next chapter, if all goes well. Show me some love, ducks, read and review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I promised you Carlisle and Esme in this chapter, but Bella had a different idea in mind. So we'll see C&E in the next chapter, which will be Thanksgiving. In the meantime, our couple has some special snowflake time together.**

**Props as always to the wonderful algonquinrt and mskathy for making my story better and my life fuller.**

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I woke up to the blaring alarm and a bad case of morning wood.

Digging my hands through my hair, I swung my legs over the side of the bed. And groaned at the rather painful bulge in my boxers. _Jerking off twice last night didn't do the job?_

I stumbled to the bathroom and into the shower. Despite all efforts to the contrary, I was still hard as a rock after 10 minutes. I stood there, water cascading over me. I could fight it – and probably end up with an epic case of blue balls since I was pretty sure I'd had this erection on and off all night. Or I could give in and spend the next few minutes fantasizing about Bella … again. My dick got impossibly harder at the images swirling through my head, and I yielded with a groan, wrapping my fingers around my aching cock. I was already so far gone that it wouldn't take much to get some relief. _God, that feels good._

Was it wrong to want a woman this much? Was it wrong to think about someone as lovely as Bella this way? Was it normal to walk around in a constant state of physical arousal because you can't stop thinking about what it would be like to be thrust all the way up inside her warm, sweet …

"Oh _Jesus_!" I gasped, my orgasm catching me by surprise in its swiftness and intensity. I threw out a hand to steady myself against the wall as I came.

I stood there panting under the showerhead, pulling myself together. My thoughts were a jumbled mess right now and, honestly, I hated that. My life was – as a rule – orderly, boring and without drama. I had created it that way of my own choosing. And now, in the space of a couple of weeks, things were chaotic, exciting and full of drama.

I was utterly smitten with Bella Higgenbotham.

And I was scared shitless.

~~ - ~~

I came downstairs; the house was quiet, but I could smell fresh-brewed coffee. That meant Alice was up.

"I'm in here," she said from the kitchen. She handed me a cup of coffee and smiled far too knowingly. I reddened, and wondered if Alice could see … everything. Having never been sexually active, I never had had to worry about Alice seeing me with a girl. Suddenly I wondered how Emmett dealt with it. Or, I thought disgustedly, how Alice endured seeing my younger brother's non-stop sex life in action. _Bleah._

"I'm so glad you and Bella are hitting it off," my sister said, sipping her own coffee. "She's perfect for you, you know."

"She is perfect," I replied, trying not to sound like a lovesick idiot and failing rather spectacularly. "But … this is new for me. And I'm scared."

"I know," she said. "Everyone's scared at first though. It's totally normal."

"Nothing is normal about me," I said tightly. Alice just looked at me and laughed. Not the reaction I was expecting.

"Please," she said, "don't over-think it, big brother. And don't over-dramatize it. You're so much more normal than you realize. Just let it happen, Edward! What have you got to lose?"

I considered the current state of my life. "Not much," I mumbled.

"Exactly," she said, greatly satisfied that I had agreed with her. "Oh, and don't forget – next week is Thanksgiving. But we're doing things differently this year." I looked up with suspicious eyes. Holidays weren't supposed to be 'different'; that was the whole point of them. "Mom and Dad are coming here this year, instead of us going home. The six of us kids are going to cook and host Thanksgiving dinner for Mom and Dad. They deserve after all the years they've done it for us."

"Six?" I asked stupidly.

"Well, yes," she said with a smile. "Make sure to invite Bella, won't you?"

~~ - ~~

BPOV

It was dawn, and I was sitting on the floor of my room in front of the mirror, still in the sweatpants and t-shirt I slept in. Or rather, didn't sleep in last night. I had spent much of the night thinking.

I had thought things through and was ready to make some decisions.

I didn't know if Edward Cullen was Teddy. And to a certain extent, it didn't matter.

I wanted to find out, of course. But more importantly, I wanted to get to know Edward – the way he was right now. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that it was essential to get to know him _before_ I knew for sure if he was Teddy.

Because if he was … and we ended up in a relationship … I wanted it to be because we cared about each other _now_. Not because we were caught up in a romantic ideal of what we once were to each other.

So for now, I decided not to say anything, not to ask. To just take things slow. Which appeared to be essential when it came to Edward.

Last night had been … what? Surprising. Sweet. Romantic. _Hot_. Edward had said he wasn't terribly experienced with relationships, and certainly his innocence in the way he had touched and kissed me supported that. As expected, I found his shyness endearing. What I hadn't expected was how much it would turn me on. It clearly wasn't his first time kissing a girl … he understood all the basics. And yet, somehow, it was as if he was learning all of this for the first time.

And Edward was, if nothing else, a quick study. A little awkward, a little clumsy. But he was gentle, considerate and immensely sexy. I wondered what he would look like with those glasses off and his hair fresh out of the shower, spread out on my bed. Naked. I resisted the urge to rub my thighs together at that thought.

I sighed and gave my head a good shake. Of course I was needy - I hadn't so much as kissed a guy since James. He was the only man I had ever been sexually involved with. James loved sex, we had it a lot and it was pretty good. But it was the love, the intimacy, the feeling of being cherished and desired by a man that I missed the most.

I felt like I had missed it all my life.

But there was nothing to be gained in going down that road again.

So what next with Edward?

I wanted to see him again. Wanted to spend some time getting to know him. Starting right now.

I pulled out my cell phone.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

After what felt like the longest lecture of my life, I finally got out of my Algebraic Topology class. It was my only Friday class, and today had been irksome in the extreme. It had taken every ounce of discipline (and I had a lot) to stay focused on the subject matter, and not allow my mind to wander off into less … productive areas. Regardless, I still spent half the class willing away another boner. Christ.

I wanted to see Bella. But I didn't want to look like the desperate loser I was … it must be too soon after last night to call her, wasn't it? I stood there outside my lecture hall, ignoring the people shouldering past me. _Think, think … what should I do?_

"Edward?" I looked up … and there she was. Standing in front of me, like a daydream come to life. In a little black skirt and a white top.

"Hi," I said, my voice suddenly squeaking up an octave. Instant embarrassment. _What am I, 13 years old again?_ But then I looked more closely at her – her eyes looked tired and there were shadows beneath them. Never mind my voice. Had she not slept? Was she sick? "Are you all right, Bella?"

"I was coming find you," she said abruptly. My heart sank … maybe she wanted to tell me to keep away, that last night was a horrible mistake. "I … I missed you. And I wondered if we could spend some time together this weekend. Just … you know … hang out?"

I sat there, frozen for a moment.

"You m-m-missed me?" I finally blurted out, immediately want to die of humiliation for stuttering. I didn't do it often – usually when under pressure. Bella nodded and bit her lip, which once again caused my stomach to do back flips. "I … uh … um …" I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "Me too." I realized we were still standing in the middle of the foyer in front of the lecture hall. I offered her my hand which she took, and guided her to the side where it was less crowded.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?" I asked. She shook her head. "I know a nice sushi place. Do you like sushi?"

"Show me," she said simply.

~~ - ~~

We spent the rest of the day together. I wasn't really sure how it happened – it just did. And it was wonderful.

She let me order at the sushi restaurant, urging me to pick all my favorites and share them with her. Watching Bella's teeth nibbling at edamame and eat saki sushi off my chopsticks made me ragingly hard – _again_. I needed to ask my therapist about this.

While we were eating, Alice sent a shopping list and asked if I wouldn't mind picking up groceries on my way home. We walked through Whole Foods, like any of the other couples shopping there. I liked that idea. Bella said she liked to cook, which reminded me of Thanksgiving dinner.

"Um … what are you doing next week for the holiday?" _She's probably going home._

"Oh," she said, looking sad. "I'm staying here. It's the first time I won't be going home for Thanksgiving. My mom and grandpa are going to some family Thanksgiving in New Hampshire or something … I just couldn't get away long enough to justify the ticket. So I'm just going to have a quiet dinner at home."

"Would you come spend Thanksgiving with us?" I asked. She started to protest about intruding but I shook my head. "No, please come. Please spend it with me … with us, I mean. Alice asked me to ask you. It's at our house this year, and my parents will be coming."

"If you're sure …" she said doubtfully, then brightened. "But you have to let me make something toward the dinner. A pie or something."

"Sure," I said. "Can't have too much pie, can you?" We both laughed a little, and Bella started asking me about what kind of pie I liked best. Blueberry, I told her, and she added blueberries to the cart.

"Do you want to do something this afternoon?" I asked shyly after we dropped the groceries at home. The house was empty. Bella was folding the bags and looked over her shoulder at me with a smile.

"Sure, I haven't got anything planned," she said. "What would you like to do? Catch a movie? Do something touristy?" It was raining outside, so hanging out at the beach or visiting a park seemed out of the question.

"There's a new exhibit at MOMA that I've been wanting to check out," I suggested hesitantly, and was delighted to see her face light up with pleasure. "Do you want to do that?"

"Yes," she said. A few minutes later, we were ready to go – I held the door for Bella as we left. "I like that you do that," she said, her cheeks going pink. "I'm not used to men being so polite." I flushed with pleasure, and made sure to open her car door for her too. I came around my side and slid in, trying to find the ignition while sneaking glances at the beauty beside me. There were raindrops in her hair, and her face was bright with excitement. She took my breath away, and I slowly became aware that I had been stabbing ineffectively at the steering column for several seconds now. Bella giggled and pointed at the ignition. I looked back and put the key in properly.

"Did you forget where it went?" she teased.

"No," I mumbled. "I got distracted."

"The feeling is entirely mutual," she said in a low voice, and I felt the blood come rushing up to my face. I struggled for a moment with everything that was flooding through me, then I abandoned trying to start the car, and leaned over to the passenger side. Bella caught my face before I was halfway across, and crushed her lips against mine with a breathy moan.

It was easier than last night, more comfortable. But just as intoxicating. By the third kiss, I knew I had to stop or I wouldn't be able to drive. Or think.

"You're quite good at that, you know," Bella said as I pulled away reluctantly, still dropping little kisses on her mouth. I felt flattered, embarrassed and flustered as hell.

"I … uh … do my best," I said, trying to sound suave but almost certainly coming off as an idiot. I turned my attention back to the car, and we headed for the Bay Bridge in Friday afternoon traffic.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

As much as I tried not to, I couldn't help watching him as we walked slowly through the Pollock exhibit. He was more fascinating than the art to me. Or rather, his reactions were.

Edward was very careful about what he looked at.

There were some exhibits that he refused to go into, some pieces of art that were clearly off limits. "I need to be careful," was all he said. I made note of these sections of the gallery surreptitiously in my guide book for future reference, curious to see if there was a discernible pattern. Other pieces captivated him, and he would spend long minutes gazing at them in silence.

"What do you see?" I asked quietly after he had stared at an abstract for a long time. It was one of Pollock's later pieces, past his colorful "drip" period.

"It's beautiful," he finally said. "But you can see how it has changed from his earlier work." His slender finger tracing a path above the black and white lines on the canvas.

"He died a year or two after this one was completed," I said softly.

"I know." His voice was a whisper in the quiet gallery. There was a pause. "I had to give up my art after … what happened. It was too much of a conduit into what had come before."

"I'm so sorry," I replied. "Sometimes art therapy is a good way to work things out. To let out some of the more difficult feelings and memories."

"That's not possible for me," Edward said. "If it were, I probably would be a much different person that I am today."

"I like you the way you are," I said very quietly. He didn't respond, but I could see the back of his neck go scarlet. He turned back to me, looking flustered, and held out his hand. And we continued on to the next exhibit.

~~ - ~~

When we returned to the house, it was still empty and quiet. There was a note on the fridge from Alice and Jasper saying they'd gone to Jasper's parents' home for dinner. No sign of Rosalie and Emmett, although I remembered that Edward said they weren't around much.

I found enough ingredients in the house to make a reasonable pasta sauce, and Edward opened a bottle of red wine. He looked and sounded more relaxed now than I'd ever seen him, and that made me happy.

We talked about movies, the news, how bad traffic was getting on this side of the Bay. About his family. My family.

I kept looking for some definitive sign that this was Teddy. There were a thousand little clues that said "maybe" but nothing that nailed it. But then again … what could? _Hey Edward, have you ever been to another world? Remember anything about a black monster? Have any recollection of someone named Swan?_

His stability was balanced on a knife's edge as it was. He wasn't ready for those kinds of questions yet. And I probably wasn't ready for the answers.

After dinner, we curled up on the couch … two glasses of red wine had made me a bit bolder, and I nudged his arms open so I could curl up in them. I thought of a question I could safely ask.

"Alice tells me she has a medical condition that prevents her from driving," I said. "Is that related to those episodes she has?" Edward shifted underneath me, tucking me in closer to his body. There was a pause as he considered my question. "You don't have to tell me if you'd prefer not to," I added. "I can ask Alice directly."

"No, it's okay," he said after a bit. "Alice told me that I could tell you when you asked. Yes, those two things are related. Alice is … gifted. What she has is hereditary. My Gran had it, and she told us that it was passed down through generations of our family."

"Had what?"

"She called it the Sight. Alice, like my Gran, has visions. Of the future. Accurate ones. They obscure her regular vision and can come on at any moment. Hence the reason she can't drive – if she had a vision on the I-80, it would be game over for her."

I contemplated this fascinating bit of information for a moment. Part of me wanted to dismiss it as family legend, but I was a lot more open to elements of the half-life than most. After all, look at what had happened to me.

"You think we're freaks, don't you?" he asked in a low voice. I turned so I was facing him.

"No, not at all," I said. "I'm actually fairly comfortable with those kinds of ideas." I thought for a moment. "Does Alice see me?"

"Yes," said Edward.

"What does she see about me?" He smiled.

"You have to ask Alice that. It's not my place to tell you. Suffice to say, she's happy with your presence in our lives." I liked that idea, and it must have showed on my face because his eyes grew very soft. I could feel the tension starting to grow between us, and I had to swallow back a huge surge of desire for him. _Slowly._

I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on his full mouth. Followed by another. His lips slowly started to part, and I couldn't resist running the tip of my tongue over his upper lip. Edward made a little sound which just inflamed me more. I continued to ply him with warm, open-mouthed kisses, delighted when I felt the tentative brush of his velvety tongue on mine.

I shifted a little closer to him, bringing my hands up to his neck, wishing I could bury my hands in his hair. But it was too thick and sticky to begin to do that, so I made do with touching the little strands along his hairline. Fortunately, the nape of Edward's neck seemed to be particularly sensitive, and the ragged moan that came out against my lips was crazy hot. I reached up, gently picked the glasses off his face and tossed them to the coffee table.

I drifted my lips over to the side of his mouth and along his jaw. His hands tightened on my shoulders as I found his pulse point. I flicked my tongue over it, feeling his pulse throbbing under my lips. I nibbled all the way down his jaw and back again, drinking in his scent and wanting him more and more.

"Unnnn," Edward moaned, kissing the hollow just below my ear. Both of us were panting by now, and I could feel his rock-hard erection rubbing rhythmically against my thigh. He was almost certainly unaware that he was doing it. We were both losing control. If one of us didn't stop, this evening was going to end messily. In more than one way.

"Edward," I said between frantic kisses. "Edward … need to slow down. Please." For a moment, I wasn't sure if he could hear me. I pushed against his forearms, and he slowly pulled back, his pupils huge. "I'm sorry, love. I want you too … so much. But not here, not like that. And not this soon."

He didn't say anything, just wrapped me in his arms while our breathing calmed.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he finally said. "I don't know what happened. I just couldn't …" I leaned back and looked at him, his face a picture of confusion and misery.

"You don't need to apologize," I said. "You weren't forcing me – far from it, I was just as into it. We both got a little carried away, that's all. In a very nice way. It happens all the time. But I don't think either of us is the kind of person to have sex on the first or second date. At least, I know I'm not. Are you?"

There was a long, intense silence. Edward was looking everywhere except at me.

"No, I'm not. I'm not the type of have sex lightly at all." He paused. "Bella, I've never had sex. Ever."

The words themselves didn't shock me as much as my reaction to them. I froze, not wanting to move a muscle as a wave of arousal stronger than anything I'd ever felt washed over me. For a moment, I thought I was going to orgasm spontaneously right there beside him. I waited for a moment until I had control again. Then I felt ashamed that I was so turned on by the thought of Edward's virginity. _That's so pervy, Bella!_

"Thanks for telling me that," I finally gasped out. "For trusting me with that. I'm not entirely sure how you've managed to hold off all the women all these years, but I'm impressed." That raised a ghost of a smile on Edward's sad face.

"Most women don't find me much of a sex symbol," he said. "I'm still not sure what you see in me."

"I like you," I said. "I like _you_. I think you're sweet and smart and sexy as hell. And I'm the lucky one who sees you for what you are." He was staring at me in disbelief, and that made me sad. "I wish you could look through my eyes, Edward, to see yourself." He didn't answer; he just looked overwhelmed. Too much, too soon, I realized.

"Let's not worry about anything else for tonight," I said. "Can I come back over and sit with you?" I asked meekly. Edward turned to me and held out his arms. I snuggled back down into his embrace. "Let's just try to take things a little slower this time."

We lay on the couch together and exchanged slow, lazy kisses. The desire was still there, but it was under control now. Edward ran his hands up and down my hair, letting it fall through his fingers. "I love your hair so much," he whispered. "It's beautiful."

"So is yours," I whispered back. "But I wish you would just let it go free instead of gelling it down. I can't run my fingers through it when it's all stiff. And I really want to." He smiled and kissed my forehead. There was a long silence, and I could see Edward was stewing about something. I waited.

"Does it bother you that I'm still a … virgin?" he finally asked. I bit my lip, not sure if I should tell him.

"No, it doesn't bother me at all. It's a personal choice, and I respect you for it." I paused for a moment, and lowered my voice to a whisper. "It actually turns me on … like crazy."

"It does?" he asked in surprise. "Wow."

"C'mere," I said, wiggling my finger. "I'll show you how much." I pulled Edward's face to mine and gave him a long, tender kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, and we got lost in one another.

So lost that, in fact, we didn't hear Emmett's Jeep roar up to the curb. Or notice anything at all until the door banged open.

"Anyone home?" shouted Emmett. The two of us, still wrapped in each other's arms, sat up on the couch, looking guilty. My hair was a total mess, and Edward's glasses were nowhere to be seen. Emmett and Rose stared at us in total shock.

"Dude," said Emmett. "Sorry, man. I didn't know you would be …uh …"

"…making out with your girlfriend on the couch," finished Rose disgustedly. "Get a room, you two."

"I have to go anyway," I said, trying in vain to put my hair back in place. Edward took a grab for his glasses on the coffee table and shoved them on. The two of us scuttled to the door like a couple of chastened school children. Once we got outside, we collapsed in giggles.

"Did you see the look on Rosalie's face?" I asked. He nodded, and we both cracked up. Then he put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"I had … the best day," he said. "Thank you. For everything."

"I feel the same way. Thank you." We walked together to my car which, thankfully, didn't have a ticket on it this time.

"Okay then," I said, kissing him one more time … because I couldn't seem to stop. His mouth was that good. "I'm tied up tomorrow. Are you free Sunday to do something?" He nodded and smiled. I beeped the horn at him and pulled away from the curb.

I didn't know if he was Teddy or not.

I had gotten to know him better.

And I was falling faster for him than I ever thought possible.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: Read and review … I love your ideas, questions and suggestions. Plus, join us on the Twilighted thread – the door is always open for newcomers who want to air their theories. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanksgiving with the Cullens ... I felt pretty pervtastic writing this chapter. Nothing like sullying a virgin Edward to make you feel like a nasty old perv.**

**Mucho love to algonquinrt and mskathy for their continued guidance on my characters. And yes, pumpkin pie with real, fresh pumpkin is the only way to go …**

~~ - ~~

BPOV

It was Wednesday afternoon, and I was barefoot in the kitchen. But thankfully, not pregnant.

My roommates were gone for the holiday, the last one having raced out 15 minutes earlier in a frenzy to get to the airport on time. Now I had the house to myself, my pie crust was rolling out nicely and I had a funny little feeling in my chest that I couldn't define.

I checked the oven, lay the crust over the pie pan and cut it to the proper size. Pressed it in and filled it with the fresh blueberry filling I had made a little while ago. I loved working in the kitchen, but I loved to bake best of all. There were no canned pie fillings in my home. Humming, I sliced up strips of dough to make a lattice-top crust – it was easy to make but looked extra-special.

I had just enough crust to make a second pie, but it would have to be one without a top. I looked at the ingredients in the fridge and frowned. Nothing good there. I wonder …

I opened the freezer and dug around for a while. A moment later, I emerged with exactly what I was looking for. I started to defrost it in the microwave while I searched for the rest of my ingredients.

As I put everything in the blender, I realized what the unfamiliar feeling in my chest was.

I was happy.

~~ - ~~

I arrived at the Cullen house the next day around 10 a.m. Alice had texted me with suggestions about what to wear, what to bring and what the schedule was. I was juggling multiple Tupperware containers, my good outfit for dinner tonight and an overnight bag. The top container was slipping a bit when the door opened, and I had a nightmare vision of blueberry pie splattering across the Cullens' doorstep.

Instead, Edward reached out and deftly caught the runaway dish.

"Thank God, Edward, that would have made a terrible mess and you wouldn't have had any …" I stopped dead and felt my eyes widen. The silence spun out for a moment as I stared, a pink flush working its way up my face and burst of damp heat rushing between my thighs.

His hair …

"You … I … your … um …. I …" Edward was looking at me with concern. He took me by the arm and pulled me into the house. I tripped awkwardly on the threshold, but he steadied me.

"Bella?" he asked, his face full of vague worry. I was immensely grateful that my sweatshirt was heavy enough that he couldn't see that my nipples had gone hard. "Bella, are you all right?"

"Yes," I finally croaked. "Edward, you look … fantastic. Your hair …" He reached up and ran his hand nervously through his glorious bronze mop, free of its usual prison of heavy gel. I had the feeling Alice might have had a hand in styling it in such elegant disarray.

"Uh, yeah … well, I thought you might like it this way … so I …" Alice appeared at the doorway and took the pies out of our hands. She relieved me of my bag and threw my dress over the back of the nearest chair, winked and jerked her head at Edward with a smile. Then she was gone.

I closed the front door behind me, and buried my hands in his hair. It was thick and soft and felt wonderful. I dug all the way down to the roots and dragged my fingers slowly down the back of his head.

Abruptly, Edward's eyes rolled back in his head, and I saw goose bumps breaking out across his arms. His hands came up and stilled mine in his hair.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked in surprise.

"No," he said in a strained voice. "But it has been a long time since anyone has touched me there. The feeling is … intense." Edward smiled and brought my hands around between us, holding them in his fingers. "I'm so glad you came," he said.

"Me too," I said, standing on tiptoes to drop a light kiss on the side of his mouth. "Can I hang this up in your room?" I asked, picking up my dress and my bag.

"Sure," said Edward, taking the bag out of my hand. "What's in here? More pie?"

"No, silly," I said with a smile. "It's my stuff for tonight."

"What stuff?" he asked blankly. I stopped where I was on the staircase and looked at him._ Uh oh._

"Alice called me last night and told me to bring my things to stay overnight."

~~ - ~~

EPOV

Alice said she needed Bella's help in the kitchen (which I doubted – Rose was already in there, and I suspected they mostly wanted to talk about … whatever girls talked about). I joined Emmett on the back porch where he was loading up the spare coolers with soft drinks, beer and bottled water.

"Hey," he said. "Can you open that bag of ice and pour it into that blue chest?" We filled the second cooler and closed the lid.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked.

"Alice sent him out to buy more milk. Good luck finding a convenience store open on Thanksgiving," Emmett grunted. We both leaned on the railing in silence for a while. Emmett lit a cigarette; I gave him a dark look but said nothing else. If Dad found out he was smoking, he'd save him the trouble of lung cancer by killing him right on he spot.

My relationship with my younger brother was complicated. He was so many things that I wasn't – tough, confident, good with girls. Emmett had suffered the most from my undignified fall from grace 10 years ago. He was five years younger than I was … I should have been the one teaching him how to pick up girls, buying him beer on the sly and defending him from playground bullies. Instead, Emmett had ended being my protector, saving my sorry ass from being kicked to pieces on a daily basis.

I knew my brother loved me, but I wasn't sure how much he liked me.

Emmett shuffled his feet, looking strangely nervous as he dragged on his butt. Emmett was _never_ nervous. That was my schtick.

"I'm scared, Edward," he suddenly said in a very low voice. I thought for a moment I had misunderstood.

"You are?" I asked, baffled. "Why?"

"It's the first time Mom and Dad are meeting Rosalie," he said. "And … um … you know how Rose can be when she feels uncomfortable. Sometimes she's isn't very warm, you know? I'm afraid that maybe they won't like her. And I really, really want them to like her."

"Mom and Dad know how you feel about her, Em. That's enough for them – for all of us – to accept Rose as part of the family." That didn't really address whether they would _like_ her or not, and Emmett knew that. But it seemed to offer him some measure of comfort. He turned and looked me up and down.

"How come you're not having a shit fit?" he asked. "You're bringing your very first girlfriend to meet the 'rents for the first time." I didn't answer, just pulled the small vial of pills out of my pocket and waggled it at him. "Shit, you took the good stuff, you lucky bastard. How about sharing?"

"No way," I said. It was just a mild tranquilizer which I took only as needed. I rarely used them, but having had a panic attack almost immediately upon arising this morning, this seemed like the appropriate usage. I disliked taking them; they made me feel slightly out of touch.

The patio door trundled open and Jasper appeared, looking grouchy .

"Don't ask," he said. "How long do you think we can hide here?" There was a burst of feminine giggling through the half-open patio door.

"Another five minutes or so!" shouted Alice from the kitchen. "And then we need you to bring the extra chairs down from upstairs. Mom and Dad will be here in an hour or so, and you need to get changed."

The three of us looked at each other.

"Too early for a beer?" asked Emmett.

~~ - ~~

About 45 minutes later, I tapped softly on my bedroom door.

"It's your room, Edward," came Bella's voice from inside. "You don't have to knock."

I opened the door and looked cautiously in. There was Bella in a black dress with a full skirt, looking breathtaking as always. "You're just in time," she said with smile. "Could you please zip me up?" She turned, pulled her long hair aside and motioned me over.

I gingerly put my hand at the small of her back and pulled the zipper up. I could see the satiny straps of her black bra, and smell the sweet scent of her hair. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss on the warm skin right between her shoulder blades. Bella gasped and arched her back ever so slightly. I finished doing her zipper and very quickly adjusted my hard-on before she turned around.

"Thank you," she said breathlessly. "I'm just going to do my hair while you get changed." And with a whirl of her skirt and hair, she was gone.

When she came back in a few minutes later, I was straightening my tie. Bella looked at me for a minute, then looked around the room.

"What?" I asked.

"Did you tie that without a mirror?" she said. "Do you even have a mirror?"

"There's a mirror in the bathroom," I pointed out. "I use that one when I need to." She kept looking at me with the oddest expression, and I suddenly felt very … strange. Like she was seeing something that was buried deep down inside me. "I don't want to talk about it," I said suddenly, feeling a light sweat breaking out over my skin. Bella took that to heart and didn't say anything more.

"You look beautiful," I said a few minutes later. She had undone her braids and tied her hair back with a pale pink scarf. Bella blushed, and we stood there looking awkwardly at one another. She took a few hesitant steps over to me, and I put my arms around her.

We were still standing there like that when the doorbell rang.

~~ - ~~

The clonazepam kept me from freaking out as Bella and I walked down the stairs together. Mom and Dad were shaking hands with Rosalie, who looked nervous but was smiling. Emmett standing proudly beside Rose, looking like he had won the lottery. Esme was asking Rosalie something about her classes; Carlisle glanced up the stairs and saw the two of us standing there.

He looked at us for long moment, saying nothing. Then he smiled. Esme looked over at him and followed his gaze.

"Hello Edward," she said. Naturally, everyone looked at us. I was terrified by the attention, of course, but I also felt like Emmett looked a moment ago – like a million bucks because I had the most beautiful girl in the world on my arm.

I had never felt that way before in my whole life.

"Hi," I said shyly. "M-m-mom, Dad … this is Bella Higgenbotham." Bella let go of my arm and went down the rest of the stairs to my parents, shaking their hands and exchanging greetings. I was thanking God that I had taken the tranquilizer because my head was spinning, and I would probably be flat on my back by now if it were not for the drugs. I came down the stairs behind her and hugged my mom.

"Edward, you look … wonderful," she said in my ear.

"Thanks Mom," I said, embarrassed as hell. Dad shook my hand and gave me a man-hug.

"How have you been, son?" he asked.

"Um … good." Carlisle arched an eyebrow at me.

"I'd say a little better than good if even half of what Alice tells me on the phone is true," he said. I just smiled and looked at the floor, not sure what to do with myself. A moment later, Bella was back at my side, and I felt … better.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I nodded and wrapped my arm around her waist.

"I'm okay so far. But I'm better when you're with me," I said. For a moment, I cringed at my own honesty – I didn't like to make myself vulnerable to people. But the medication made me careless that way.

"I feel the same way," said Bella. She smiled up at me, and I made the mistake of looking into her eyes. In a heartbeat, I was lost. And leaned in for a kiss. It was the first time I had ever kissed her in front of my family. I didn't know if anyone else was watching and, for the first time in a long time, I didn't care.

~~ - ~~

Dinner passed without any major disasters, other than Jasper dropping the gravy boat while passing it to Emmett. Normally there would be an immediate round of jokes about Alice not foreseeing the accident, but Rose and Bella's presence at the table suppressed that.

After a huge midday meal of turkey and all the trimmings (including the obligatory green bean casserole), Alice and Bella brought out a mountain of pie.

"Bella made the blueberry just for Edward," Alice said, waggling her eyebrows at me. "And there's apple and … oh, pumpkin. Bella made pumpkin pie too." Everyone took a wedge of their favorite and dug in. My dad took pumpkin and instantly lit up when he tried it.

"Bella, this is fabulous. I've never tasted pumpkin pie so good … what's the secret?"

"It's real pumpkin," she said. "Not canned or a filling. It's fresh."

"It's delicious," my dad said, beaming at her. Bella blushed and turned to look at me. I was busy stuffing blueberry pie into my face, so I was no help.

After dinner, the men cleaned up while the women relaxed in the living room. As we were finishing up, my father gestured to the back porch.

"Edward, I'd like to talk to you in private, please."

There was a chorus of snickers from Emmett and Jasper, and Alice's giggle sounded from the living room. I was in trouble. My father quelled the laughter with a single look, and I nervously followed him out on to the deck.

We stood there in silence for a moment. Then my dad turned to me and smiled.

"She's lovely, Edward."

"Yeah," I said.

"I don't have to ask if you are serious about her. It's obvious that you two are very close." My dad looked like he was about to explode with happiness, and I wondered if maybe he just wanted to give me his blessing or something.

All hopes for this went south at his next words.

"A close relationship like this requires you to take on some grown-up responsibilities, Edward."

I wanted to die on the spot. This was the beginning of the patented Carlisle Cullen sex talk. Both Alice and Emmett had gotten it – even Jasper had been on the receiving end of it. It was legendary in our family.

"Dad!" I protested. "I'm 24, for God's sake. Please, not the sex talk." My father just grinned at me, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

"Son, I've waited a long time to give you this talk. Don't deny your old man the pleasure of embarrassing his favorite son." My father calling me his favorite stopped me in my tracks; I was no one's favorite. I was the embarrassment, the bad joke of the family. "Edward, you know from your brother and sister that it's a short talk. I'm not going to go into the biology of it all – you already know that, I assume." I nodded violently.

"Yes, I do. Having Emmett as a brother has made me very informed," I said. "And besides, Dad," I said, "Bella and I have just started seeing each other. We're not really ready to … you know."

"I would suggest if you can't actually say the word 'sex' out loud, you're probably not ready to have it, no," said my dad. "And I do my best to give this lecture _before_ the sex has taken place, not after. That's the whole point." I went scarlet and shut up.

"If you're having sex, I expect you to behave like a man. That means protecting yourself and your partner. If anything goes wrong with that protection, you take responsibility for the consequences. I expect you to seek medical advice if you get a sexually transmitted disease, and tell your partner or partners right away. If you accidentally get a woman pregnant, you step up to fulfill your duty as a father, whether you are in the woman's life or not. Your mother and I will accept nothing less than that for our grandchildren, intentional or not."

My father was dead serious as he looked at me. "I also want you to know you can talk to me about anything if you're scared or in over your head. Even though you're a man now, I'm still your father. I'll always be your father, and you can always come to me."

"Thanks Dad," I said. I was still embarrassed, but I was also pretty impressed with my father at this moment. "I appreciate your advice. Means a lot."

"Yes, well," he said, looking a little uncomfortable himself, "I know you think it's weird that I'm giving you this talk at 24. But try to imagine how weird it felt for me giving it to Emmett at 15."

I made a gagging sound, and we both laughed. A few minutes later, my mother tapped on the glass doors and gestured for us to come in. Emmett, Alice and Jasper were all suppressing gales of laughter as I appeared in the doorway of the living room, and I did my best to ignore them. Bella was sitting on the wing chair by the window, and I sat down on the floor at her feet.

"Do I want to know?" she asked in a low voice.

"Not really," I replied sourly. She smiled, and I leaned my head against the outside of her thigh. The big meal and the tranquilizer were wearing on me, and I rested against her, feeling sleepy. I drifted in and out for a bit as the conversation swirled around me – academics, interior design (my mother had her own design firm), hospital politics, who was running for governor, Bella's pie crust recipe. It all blurred together.

After a while, Bella reached down and started running her fingers through my hair. I stifled a groan at her touch. My dick, which had been so well behaved all afternoon, decided this would be a good time to wake up and stretch. I spent the next hour in an agony of desire as Bella touched me. I nearly had a heart attack when my parents announced they were leaving, and I had to stand up. I thought my adjustment was subtle, but Emmett's sudden snigger put that in question.

~~ - ~~

We all went to bed early after a day of too much eating and not enough activity. Even Emmett and Rose stayed the night rather than decamp to Rose's place. All of which led to us dealing with the awkward issue of Bella staying the night with me. I wanted to strangle Alice. I didn't feel remotely ready for this level of intimacy yet.

"I can sleep on the couch," offered Bella.

"No," I said, feeling like a total idiot. "I want you to stay with me. I'm just …."

"Nervous?" she suggested, sitting down on the bed beside me. "Scared? Embarrassed?"

"Yeah, all that." I sat there, looking down at the floor. "Bella, I'm no good at this stuff."

"You mean, like relationship stuff?" She reached over and took my hand in hers. "Intimacy stuff? Embarrassing body stuff?" I nodded. "I'm not exactly a pro either, Edward. The only man I've had sex with is James. And he didn't exactly leave me feeling really good about being a woman." She paused for a moment, her hand stroking mine. It felt nice. "Neither of us is ready for sex yet. But that doesn't mean we can't share a bed and enjoy being close to one another.

"I think we've both been made to feel ashamed of a lot of things in life that maybe we had no reason to be ashamed of," she said softly. "I don't want there to be any of that between us. Can we try to make it that way for us? "

She had no way of knowing how true those words were for me.

"Yes," I said.

We took turns in the bathroom getting ready for bed. When I came back in my t-shirt and shorts, Bella was changing the pillow cases.

"Do you have an allergy?" I asked curiously. She smiled.

"No. These are satin … keeps my hair from getting damaged or knotted up while I'm sleeping." She was wearing a silky white nightshirt that fell just above her knee. Her hair was loose. My cock was already twitching inside my shorts, and I willed it to behave like a gentleman. We climbed into bed together, and I switched out the light. Bella slid across the bed and into my arms.

"Thank you for a wonderful day," she murmured, nuzzling into the crook of my neck. I ran my hands down her back, touching softly. She felt so good, so soft under my hands. I had never been in bed with a woman before, not like this, and my senses were on overload already. The darkness made me feel less self-conscious, and the clonazepam had knocked my inhibitions back a little.

It was a dangerous combination, one that I didn't seem to be able to do anything about. One that I didn't _want_ to do anything about.

"You're welcome," I breathed, tilting her chin up to my face so I could kiss her. It was a slow, gentle kiss, rife with the promise of more to come throughout the night. "You make me feel so good," I whispered against her mouth. She wrapped her arms around me and nibbled on my lower lip. I let out a little grunt of pleasure at the sensation and kissed her again, touching her tongue lightly with mine.

_So … good._

I lost track of time as I explored every inch of her warm mouth. I let my mouth wander along her jaw and down the long, smooth column of her neck. I tickled the little hollow of her throat - usually occupied by her locket - with the tip of my tongue, making her squirm against me. I very carefully kept my lower body a respectable distance away from hers; my penis was hard as a rock and throbbing painfully.

I dipped my head down to kiss a trail across her lovely collarbones. Her fingers found my hair once again, tugging on it. It felt like it was shooting directly down into my groin. I moaned against her skin, running my hands up and down her sides.

I was nervous, frightened and unbelievably aroused – I just didn't know which sensation was going to win out first. Apparently desire did. Holding my breath, I moved my hands very lightly over the outer swell of her breasts. My heart was pounding so loudly, I'm sure Bella could hear it.

She gasped when I touched her, and I immediately withdrew my hands and started to apologize.

"No," she said, cutting me off. "That was a good sound, not a bad one. Please touch me, Edward. I want you to. I need you to." She lay back and unbuttoned her silky night shirt. It was everything I could to keep my eyes from falling out of my head. When she got to the bottom, she took my hands and placed them on her stomach. She was allowing me to choose if we went any further.

I was powerless to resist.

Hands shaking, I parted the material and let it fall to the sides. She was beautiful.

Her breasts were round and full, her dark pink nipples tight and hard. Her skin was flushed with excitement. I let my eyes trail downward over her ribs and past her flat stomach down to the little scrap of lace between her thighs. I could feel my dick thumping in my boxer shorts, wild with excitement.

"You are so beautiful," I said reverently. And I reached out to touch. I had no idea what I was doing – all I had was instinct and several years of watching porn with Jasper and Emmett to guide me.

I figured instinct was a better choice here.

Her curves were warm and soft. I cupped her breasts in my hands, feeling their fullness, their warmth. Then I slowly slid my thumbs up and over the peaks which were hard and hot. She let out a sharp cry when I touched her nipples, making me even more aroused then I already was.

I lay down beside her and kissed a trail between her breasts. Her skin was softer there, and smelled faintly of rose petals. I dragged my nose across the swell of her breast, feeling the soft flesh against my face. I ran my lips over her hardened nipple and kissed it experimentally. I tongued it, making the hard nub wet and slippery. Then I wrapped my lips around the tip and sucked it into my mouth.

Bella arched her back, pushing more of her swelling nipple into my mouth. I stroked the other one with my hand, running my fingers around the tip, unable to get enough of her. After a few minutes, I switched breasts. Her moans were near constant now, and the tip of my penis was straining at the waistband of my shorts. I could feel a damp spot spreading across the front of my boxers; I was at the absolute limit of my endurance, and I was going to have to back off soon or risk coming in my underwear.

But I didn't want to stop. I wanted to feast on Bella's warm flesh all night, pleasuring her as much as I could. I was panting frantically against her breasts, my hands sweeping over her.

That was when it happened.

With a hungry moan, Bella wrapped one leg around my ass and pulled my lower body hard against her. She rolled her hips, and I felt her rub her soaking wet center up against my erection. I cried out, feeling the unmistakable tickle of my orgasm starting to build at the base of my quivering penis.

"No. Stop," I moaned, putting my hand on her hip and putting a few inches between her sex and mine. I clenched my teeth, trying to hold my orgasm back. "Bella, if you do that again, I'm going to come." As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I wanted to die of embarrassment. But it was the truth.

"I know," she gasped. "I want you to." I gaped at her, unable to comprehend what she had just said. "I want to make you feel good. I want to feel you come against me. Please let me make you feel good. Please let me give you this, Edward. This is us, our bodies. Our love. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

That was all it took. I could feel the rush starting in my testicles, and there was nothing I could do to hold it in any longer. I grabbed her hip, pulled her flush against me and ground once, hard, into the hot, wet space between her thighs. Then crushed my lips together to prevent the scream of pleasure from bursting out of me as I came. As my cock jerked between us in wild relief, Bella arched her back, rubbing against me. And I watched as she came apart in my arms, her own climax exploding as she ground herself on my body.

Our spasms finally slowed and stopped, and the two of us were left, panting for breath.

And the magnitude of what I'd done started to sink in. I looked down at Bella and froze at the sight of my spunk pooled on her stomach. I had never come so hard in my life – I think there was 24 years of semen in that orgasm and it was all over Bella's body.

I could feel my breathing and heartbeat start to accelerate, and sweat start to break out across my upper lip. The drug was wearing off, and the panic was coming.

"Stop."

Bella's hands grabbed my sweat-slicked ones and squeezed hard, trying to bring me back from the unreal place I went to during an attack.

"I'm sorry that I had an orgasm, Edward."

The insanity of her words slowly sank in, and I stared at her like she was nuts.

"What the hell are you apologizing for _that_ for?" I asked, the energy of the panic suddenly channeling itself in a different direction. Her words made me suddenly furious. "Are you crazy? You can't help how your body reacts when it's stimulated! That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my whole life and you're _apologizing_ for it?"

Bella didn't answer; she just kept looking at me. Then she just raised one eyebrow. That was all she did.

"Oh," I said finally. "But it's not the same thing, not at all. I made a mess on you and …"

"It's exactly the same thing," she said gently. "You were about to freak out because _you_ had an orgasm, weren't you?" I wanted to deny it, but of course it was true. Not only freak out, but die of embarrassment and beg forgiveness for losing control of my body. "You don't think that seeing you come wasn't the most beautiful thing _I've_ ever seen?"

I blushed at her comment, wondering how stupid a face I'd made during my climax. Then again, her face hadn't looked stupid when she had … . Just thinking about it made my dick stir within the confines of my sticky boxer shorts which had been pushed halfway down my ass during our mutual frenzy. _No wonder I had shot all over her._

"Oh God, Bella … just stay here one minute, okay?" I hitched up my shorts, stumbled out of bed and grabbed a clean pair of boxers. Then I scuttled into the bathroom, cleaned off and changed. My spunk was all over the bottom of my shirt too, so I yanked that off. I came back to the bedroom with a warm, damp washcloth and a towel. Very tenderly, I cleaned her off and wiped her dry. The stuff was _everywhere_ … she even had drops of it on her breasts. Just wiping them off made me hard again, much to my annoyance.

"You were … holding that in for a while, weren't you?" she asked. I flushed bright red.

"Um … since the day I met you, I think," I finally said, trying to keep it light. She laughed, and the awkwardness eased a little.

"That really was wonderful, Edward," she said. "And I didn't do it because I wanted to get off. I just wanted you to give you that … you know, because it feels so good and you needed to so badly. I could tell. But when you came, it was so incredible that it made me come too."

_I made a girl come,_ I thought smugly, then shook my head at my own immaturity. _Jesus, how old am I?_

"No one's ever done that for me before," I said, bundling up the washcloth, towel and my wet clothes and dropping them beside the bed. "It felt better than I could have imagined." I paused, not sure what to say at this point. "Um … thank you."

"You're welcome," she said with a little smile. "Thank you too." She shrugged out of her nightshirt and tossed it aside. Then she held out her arms to me. I was still shirtless. "Come," she said. "This will feel good too, in a different way."

I lay down beside her and moved cautiously into her arms. The feel of her warm skin and soft breasts pressing against my chest was … indescribably good. I gasped out loud at the feeling of it, and Bella chuckled against my neck.

I could feel my penis stirring again inside my fresh shorts, but I ignored it. This was a different kind of intimacy, and I wanted to savor it, undisturbed. The busy day, the food, the medication and my orgasm had all left me sleepy and relaxed. All I wanted now was to sleep. In her arms.

And we did.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: Thanks for all your reviews! Please let me know your thoughts. I'm traveling on business this week which makes getting to the Twilighted thread a little challenging, but feel free to join the fun over there!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Wow, did I ever struggle with this one. I wanted Edward to come out and play, but he needed to hide a little again. **

**If you'd like to see the pieces of art referenced in this chapter, please visit the Museum of Modern Art website at www [dot] moma [dot] org, and do a search on the titles or artists using the search functionality at the bottom of the page. Some of the stuff is a bit creepy and nasty. I'm just sayin'.**

**What would I do without algonquinrt and mskathy? Talk to myself, for one. But I don't know if I could have gotten this far in the story without them. So my heartfelt thanks to them as always.**

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I woke up with a woman in my arms for the first time in my life. Bella's warm, mostly naked body was tangled with mine, and her loose hair cascaded behind her. I could feel the soft press of her breasts against my chest. My cock was so hard that it hurt.

It was just after eight in the morning, and the house was very quiet. I wondered if Alice had gone out early to take advantage of the Black Friday sales. The thought of those masses pushing and shoving their way through the tiny doors of Best Buy and WalMart to get a cheap television or video game system made me shudder. I felt suddenly claustrophobic, and my raging erection died. Now I needed to pee.

I eased my arm out from underneath Bella's body and rolled out of bed. Bella immediately snuggled into the warm spot where my body had been, making little sounds of contentment in her sleep.

I turned the light on in the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror, startled.

My hair was a huge mass of crazy, sticking out in all directions. My neck was beaten up, like I'd shaved with a dull razor. Or maybe like I'd been making out half the night. I looked relatively relaxed. Comfortable, in fact. This was not a face of a man who could hide important things from the world, day after day. And that was … not good.

_But I don't want to hide anymore. Not from Bella._

As if on cue, my mind instantly conjured up the worst reminder it could to show me the consequences of that particular desire.

~~ - ~~

"_Alice, tell me. I have to know."_

"_No."_

"_I can't live like this! It's not me! I can't hide like this forever … the danger is passed, right? I can go back to being myself? And nothing bad with happen? Tell me."_

_We were sitting on the bed in my room. It had been about four months since the earthquake, and everyone seemed to be standing down from the emergency. And the daily task of playing a kid traumatized after being caught in an earthquake was getting really old, really fast._

"_Teddy, the …"_

"_Edward. Don't call me Teddy anymore."_

"_Edward, the other future is still there. I don't know how long it will take to go away. But if you slip up now, you'll be back in that hospital in a second. And this time, you won't get out."_

"_Ever?" Alice sighed and put her hand over her eyes. "Tell me what happens in that other future." It was only the hundredth time I'd asked her. And it looked like this time was finally the charm._

"_Fine," she said in a strangled tone. "You mess up. Or Dad finds all those sketch books hidden in the back of my closet. Or something happens that makes the grown-ups realize that you have been experiencing these … things … for the last five years. They think they're delusions, but we know they're not. But there will be nothing you can do to convince them otherwise._

"_You get diagnosed with schizophrenia. They make you take a drug. Lithia … lithim … something like that. But that doesn't work. And it makes you screwed up. So they try new stuff. More drugs. You can't go to school anymore … you get different. Sometimes really dozy. Other times, just angry. You try so hard to prove to them that it's real, that Swan is real. But the harder you try, the less they believe you." I started to feel a little sick at Alice's recitation of my potential future._

"_They take you to a hospital place for treatment. You talk to a million doctors, take a million pills. They try everything. Once even with electricity – they call it 'shock therapy'."_

"_What happens in the end?" I whispered._

"_They cure you," she said in a dead voice. "You wake up one morning and realize none of it was real. It was all a delusion. After that, you get better fast, you're really cooperative, taking all your medicines and everything."_

"_That doesn't sound so bad."_

"_You come home. You smile a lot. Mom and Dad are so happy." She sighed harshly. "And then when everyone relaxes and stops watching you so closely … you kill yourself." I sucked in a breath._

"_What?"_

"_You kill yourself. You take pills …"_

"_Don't tell me that," I said abruptly. "Why would I do that when I was better? Was I faking still?"_

"_No," said Alice. "You do it because you really are cured. And you believe none of it was real. All the years you wasted fighting to keep the delusions alive – they were in vain. Swan wasn't real. You'd never see her again because she never existed. You lost hope, lost your reason to live."_

_Heavy stuff for a kid who wasn't quite 14._

_A few years later, Alice told me the other possible future was finally gone. But by then, the part of me that used to be Teddy Cullen was too._

~~ - ~~

BPOV

When he returned to the room, freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved black cotton shirt, I knew I had lost him again. He had retreated. In fear. In self-preservation.

_What does it matter? He's gone. And I'm alone again._

I didn't have the strength to counter that bitter thought in my mind. Instead, I gathered up my things and went to the bathroom to shower and change. When I came back out, he was sitting in the chair beside his computer. He looked sad.

"Good morning," I said.

"Hi." I hung my dress back up on its hanger and sheathed it in the plastic cover. Put my pretty shoes and make-up in my overnight bag. Picked up my locket off the bedside table and fastened it around my neck. The urge to get out of here, get away from him and his obvious discomfort was overwhelming now.

_It's your own fault for jumping into bed with him so fast,_ said the nasty voice in my mind. _He got what he wanted. Now please go home, and don't bother calling again. You are so stupid._

As swiftly as I could, I tied my hair into a loose tail with the scarf from last night.

_It's all you're ever good for, you know._

I threw the last of my things into my bag and zipped it, praying that I could somehow get out of here without him seeing how upset I was.

_Inconvenient whore._

"Bella?" I jumped, startled. He was standing right beside me, a strange, pained look in his eyes. "Is something wrong? Are you … angry at me?"

"Yes. No. Look, I know this is awkward. Morning after the night before and all. I'm just trying to make things easier by … leaving." His face fell almost comically.

"I can see that," he said. "But I don't want you to go. And I sure don't want you to go away mad at me. Especially when I don't know what I did wrong. Was it … last night?" But I didn't hear the last part of what he said.

"You don't want me to go?" I asked incredulously. "Really?" Edward frowned, furrowing his brow behind his glasses.

"Well, no," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Why would I want that?"

"A lot of guys want the girl they … fooled around with … the night before to just go away in the morning. You know, because it was a big mistake? And they don't want the girl to misinterpret the night before as something more than just … sex?"

"Oh," he said, and fell silent for a bit. "Yeah, Emmett's had that problem before. Like, before Rosalie, when he was dating … casually. He used to say that sometimes he would wake up at a girl's place, and he'd want to chew his arm off – like a wolf in a trap – to avoid waking her up before he snuck out. Is that what you mean?"

I cringed at the crude analogy but nodded.

"You thought I felt that way about you," Edward said. "But I don't." He sat down on the edge of the bed, and patted the cover beside him so I would sit down with him. "Why did you think that? Please tell me."

"Well," I said hesitantly. "You didn't come back to bed after you got up. You didn't talk to me, kiss me or seem like you were very comfortable." I looked down at my feet, feeling embarrassed. "You looked so sad … I thought maybe you were regretting last night."

Edward put his hand under my chin and gently pulled my face back up so we were looking at each other again. His green eyes just seemed to go on forever. I didn't think anyone had ever looked at me like that in my whole life.

"Last night was wonderful, indescribably good," he said. "I don't regret a single thing about it, even … you know … what I did. I loved waking up with you in my bed." His hand came up and stroked my hair. "But I got scared. That's all. And when I get scared, I hide. I've spent the better part of the last 10 years hiding."

I touched his face gently. "You don't need to hide from me," I said.

"I know," said Edward. "I don't want to hide from you. Just please try to be patient with me. And make sure you tell me when you're feeling like I don't want you." He leaned a little closer and gave me a tentative, chaste kiss. "Because I want you." Another kiss, less chaste. "I want you all the time." His cheeks were heating under my fingers at his uncharacteristically forward admission. I gave him a nudge backward on to the bed.

"Feel the same way," I mumbled against his mouth.

And for a little while, neither of us had to hide.

~~ - ~~

We were lying together on the bed, still trading kisses. We were both a little rumpled.

"I wish you didn't have to go," said Edward.

"Me neither," I whispered. "But I have to. I have a paper to work on. And I'm the only one in the house this weekend, so I need to feed my roommate's cat."

"I know," he sighed. He sat up, pulling me up with him. I leaned into his side, soaking up his warmth. I glanced up at his hair and frowned.

"You've got something in your hair," I said. "A thread or something." Edward poked around in his crazy mop, trying to find it. "Here," I said, reaching for his hair. "Let me do it." I picked the thread out and flicked it away. "There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and stood up, but Edward stayed on the bed. "What?" No response. "Edward?" His green eyes turned toward me and seemed to come back from a very long distance away.

"Sorry," he said and stood up. He saw me downstairs to the door, looking preoccupied. It was grey outside but surprisingly mild for November. When we got to the car, I asked if we could see each other tomorrow, and he nodded absently. I got behind the wheel and started the car. He was still standing there, looking dazed.

"Are you okay?" I asked through the open window.

"Yeah." I watched him in the mirror as I pulled away. He stood on the side of the road, head down, hands in his pockets. He looked lost.

I hit the brakes and considered turning around to make sure he was all right. But then he suddenly seemed to come to life again, striding back across the road and mounting the steps to his house.

~~ - ~~

I did need to work on a paper, and I did need to feed the cat. But there was something else I wanted to do first.

I turned on the computer as soon as I reached my room, and dug out the guidebook from the Museum of Modern Art. There were two specific pieces of art that Edward had declined to look at, and one collection entirely that he had passed on. I wanted to see what those were.

I looked at the collection first – more pieces to work with meant more clues, right?

Wrong.

It was a portfolio of drawings entitled "Exquisite Corpse" by Dinos and Jake Chapman. It was a series of grotesque Surrealist images that would give anyone the willies. No significance there … just unappealing art. Well, for me, anyway.

On to the next one.

It was an ink on paper drawing by an avant-garde Dutch artist, Karel Appel. A lot of his work verged on the creepy side. Edward had looked at all the other pieces, but had shied away from one – a black and white drawing called "Beast."

I looked at the image for a long time on the screen. It didn't say yes but it didn't say no either. It sure wasn't a traditional painting of fruit, let's put it that way.

Then I pulled up the last one.

Just a simple piece of charcoal art on paper … completed in 1926 by German artist Max Beckmann. A lot of his work was more figurative, some of it incredibly dynamic. This one was simple. Quiet. A still life.

Of a mirror. "Mirror on an Easel," it was called.

_Teddy._

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I felt very strange all of a sudden.

As I came back into the house after seeing Bella off, I tried to figure out what was wrong and when it had started. Everything had been fine when we were kissing – more than fine, actually. Then Bella said she had to go. Then we'd gone out to her car, and she'd driven away.

Nothing strange there. So what was causing this uneasiness, this strange feeling that everything was somehow … off?

_Kissing … talking … downstairs … car … drove away. Wait …_

What else had happened in there? Something she had done, something she had said. About my hair …

My heart rate started to accelerate very rapidly, and my hands were suddenly slippery with sweat.

_I could feel Swan's fingers combing through my hair, gently plucking out the little strands that she would carry out of the mirror world as proof that I existed. I could smell the strawberry scent of her hair and, deeper beneath that, the sweetness that was uniquely her. The feel of her lips against my cheek, sending my pulse raging and my 13-year-old body into a tailspin of hormones. _

_Except now it wasn't Swan who was beside me … it was Bella. Bella's fingers in my hair. Bella's alluring scent in my nose. And Bella's caresses sending me into a frenzy of desire, the way they always did, even with the most innocent of touches. Only now I wasn't 13 anymore, I was 24._

_Swan … Bella … Swan … Bella … my mind was screaming at me, trying to make a connection where one did NOT exist, trying to force me into seeing something I knew was_ _NOT there._

From a great distance, I could hear a crash and someone screaming. The banging of a door and running feet. Emmett's voice from far away.

"Shit … Edward … EDWARD!" My brother in a t-shirt and shorts lifting me up off the ground and laying me gently down in bed. I could still hear that awful screaming. Then a phone ringing somewhere in the house.

"Rose! Get the phone. It's Alice."

"How do you know it's Alice?"

"Explain later. Right now, just get the fucking phone, would you?" I can taste blood, lots of it. My whole body feels like it's jittering out of control.

"Alice, he's having a flashback. Worst one I've ever seen. Yeah, that's him screaming. He's a mess, fucking blood everywhere. What's that? No, I'm good for now. Rose is here. Uh huh, welcome to the family for her. No, nothing coherent at this point, but I'll let you know if that changes. No problem, that's what I'm here for. Love you too, sis."

_Everything was too close, too real. Shut it down. Hide._

I escaped my own mind by vanishing into the wet, black darkness where even the black monster cannot find me.

~~ - ~~

When I woke up, it was starting to get dark outside. Late afternoon. Alice was perched on the bed beside me, cross-legged and looking at me expectantly.

"Hi," I croaked. She handed me a glass of water.

"Hi," she said. "You had a very bad flashback." I nodded and handed the water glass back to her. "You've been asleep for about six hours now." I shifted in bed and realized I was stripped down to my boxers.

"Where are my clothes?" I mumbled.

"In the wash," she replied. "Your shirt was covered in blood. Your jeans were unmentionable." I made a face and turned away. "You were screaming. For Swan. For Bella." _The screaming … that was me?_ "Do you want me to call Bella? I'm sure she'd come over."

"No!" I said, horrified. "I don't want her to see me like this!"

"Okay, okay," said Alice soothingly. "But at least let Em and Rose come in to see you. They've been worried sick."

My brother and Rose came in, looking concerned. Rosalie was especially kind, sitting on the edge of the bed and holding my hand. Maybe she wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Anyone who stuck around after an incident like that had to be made of stern stuff.

"Thanks Emmett," I said when my brother got up to leave. He just took my hand and pressed it against his face, a gesture reminiscent of when he was a little boy. How I wished he had gotten a better older brother than me, the crazy fuck-up.

Alice came back into the room, Jasper right behind her.

"What triggered it, Edward?" he asked. I searched back through my memory and came up blank. "Emmett said he and Rosalie were … ah … sleeping when they heard you scream, then hit the floor. Bella wasn't here, so they assume she left earlier in the morning?"

"Yeah, she had some paper to work on," I said. "I started feeling funny right as she was leaving. I tried to figure out what was causing it and then it hit." I frowned, baffled. "I don't know what triggered it." Jasper looked concerned, and I struggled some more. "I just don't know."

"That's okay, buddy. Don't worry about it. It'll come." Alice got up and wandered out of the room, a funny little look on her face. "You want me to stay here for a bit?" Jasper asked. "Play some cards? I could tell you all about my wonderful day getting trampled by the crowds shopping with Alice." I laughed, and he started in. "So the first place she wants to go is the Apple store of course … the fucking flagship store down on Stockton, right? There are at least 10 gazillion people lined up all the way around the corner …"

~~ - ~~

APOV

The first thing I did when I went back to my room was text Dad and let him know Edward was awake. By necessity, there were some secrets we kept from our parents. Edward's flashbacks were not among them. Dad knew about every episode – what happened, how long it lasted, new symptoms, anything.

He had almost come over tonight when he'd heard how it was with my brother. But this time, I was able to talk him out of it.

I knew what had caused the episode. Edward's long, lonely exile was coming to an end. But the mind doesn't easily relinquish its old habits … even painful, damaging ones like this.

Edward was finally starting to realize who Bella really was. But his mind was refusing to accept delivery of the information. That was understandable. It would come with time.

In the meantime, I had another, more immediate matter to attend to. Humming, I got up and opened my bedroom closet. (This was just my "now" closet … I had expanded clothing storage space in the basement. San Francisco housing was not built to accommodate my shopping abilities.)

At the bottom of the closet, beside my shoes, sat a low box labeled "Scarves". I opened it and dug past the top layer of ordinary looking scarves to the faded sketchbooks below. I selected one at random and flipped through it, the smell of aged paper drifting past my nose.

Sketch after sketch, page after page. Swan. The creature Edward called the black monster. A long rolling hill with a meadow and a stream at the bottom, with one and sometimes two moons riding overhead. The magical world of my brother's childhood. All captured and hidden here, away from the eyes of the real world.

I removed the book and wiped it of dust. Then repacked the box and put it back in its usual spot. I backed out of the closet and closed the door.

On the bed, my cell phone chirped. A text. From Bella.

_Alice, I need to talk to you about your brother._

~~ - ~~

**A/N: OooOOOoooOoo … is bad! A little cliffee! R& R folks, and let me know what you think of the story so far. And of course, come join us on the Twilighted thread to share your theories and ideas about Teddy and Swan.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Long day, long week … algonquinrt reviewed this chapter and assures me it makes sense, else I wouldn't post tonight. I'm like Edward at the end of this chapter … too tired to make much sense. **

~~ - ~~

APOV

Bella opened the door to her house and smiled weakly at me on the doorstep. She looked like she'd slept badly.

"Hi Alice," she said. "Thanks for coming over so early this morning. I really appreciate it."

"No problem, Bella," I said. I held up the drink tray. "Brought some mochas." Bella ushered me into the modest house she shared with her three roommates. They were all away for the holiday, so we had the place to ourselves. Which was probably a good thing, considering what we were about to discuss.

Bella sat down at the kitchen table and gestured for me to join her. She didn't waste much time getting to the heart of the matter.

"I want to talk to you about your brother," she said. "I don't want to put you in a position where you have to break his confidences. But there's some stuff I need to ask you about … things that Edward might not be able to understand or discuss. Will you give me the benefit of the doubt here that this is in his best interests?" Her tone was formal, her posture tense.

"Of course, Bella. I know you have Edward's best interests at heart. Ask away."

"Edward tells me you can see the future."

"Yes, I can," I said, sipping my drink. "Not all of it, of course. My visions are unpredictable; they come and go as they please. I can only see visions of people I'm close to, and the images are highly subjective. If a person makes a snap decision or changes their course of action, the visions usually change. So it's not the most reliable Sight in the world." There was a pause. "When did Edward tell you about this?"

She seemed startled by the question. "Uh … last week, I think? I'm having trouble keeping track of the days lately. Why, what's so funny?"

"Outside of Jasper – who has always been a member of the family in everything but name anyway – you're the first person we've ever told. I always thought if someone outside the family found out, the first they'd want to know was … I don't know … PowerBall numbers, exam questions and answers … stuff like that. You've known for over a week, and you're just now getting around to asking questions." Bella smiled sheepishly, breaking a little bit of the tension in the room.

"It's my unconventional nature. I'll come back to the PowerBall numbers later," she quipped, but quickly got serious again. "Alice, did you see me entering Edward's life?"

"No. Up until a few weeks ago, I hadn't had a vision of Edward in over five years. The more he … withdrew, the harder it became to see him, until he vanished completely. It was very distressing. But after you came into his life, I started seeing him again." Bella fiddled with her third finger … probably an old habit from when she wore a wedding ring.

"What about before that, Alice?" she asked softly. "Did you ever see me before we met? Maybe a long time ago?"

"Oh Bella," I whispered. And reached down to pull the sketchbook out of my bag. I put it down in front of her and opened it to the marked page. "I saw you the first morning after my brother met you."

Bella's eyes widened impossibly, and what little color she had drained from her face. For a moment, I thought she was going to faint, and I rose partway out of my chair. With trembling fingers, she touched the page in front of her, ghosting over the sketch of her own face.

She had been maybe 12 years old in that particular sketch. It was hard to tell; Edward hadn't dated most of his work. Looking at it now, it seemed impossible to believe that none of us – Jasper, Edward, myself – had recognized Bella upon meeting her. The hair was entirely different, of course, and her face had lost its girlish shape. But her luminous eyes were the same, the set of her mouth, her firm chin.

_Swan._

Bella tore her eyes away from the page and looked at me, her eyes huge and agonized. And full of guilt. More guilt than I'd ever seen in one person's face in my life.

"What happened to him?" she asked in a choked whisper. "What happened to Teddy to change him so? To make him so unhappy?" She sounded like she was strangling, and I took her hand in alarm. "Was it me?"

"Oh no, Bella, no," I gasped. "He _was_ happy during those years – so happy. What happened afterwards was a combination of some very bad luck and Edward's willingness to do anything – _anything_ – to keep from losing you forever."

"I don't understand," whispered Bella.

So I explained to her what had happened the night of the earthquake. And afterwards. She listened, pale and silent.

At the end, Bella removed the locket from around her neck and opened it. Inside was a twist of golden brown hair. My brother's hair. Like Edward, she had kept the memory of him close to her all the days they were apart.

"I thought he was dead. I was sure he was dead," she finally said in a low voice. She was looking down at the table, turning the locket over and over in her hands. "And then I met Edward …"

"Maybe that's how you were able to deal with it," I said. "By believing he was dead. In some ways, it was better than what Edward believed – that you were out there, and that he just had to keep trying to find you."

She looked up from the locket, her expression incredulous.

"He looked for me?"

"Well, yes, Bella," I said. "We all looked for you. Me, Edward … then we brought Jasper into the secret. And finally Emmett, when he was older – although by then, we had almost given up because we had so little work with. I think we emailed every person named Swan we could find on the west coast." I chuckled, thinking back to those crazy evenings and weekends with the three of us hidden in Edward's room with his old computer. "Our parents would have freaked if they knew how many strangers we were talking to."

Bella was silent, and I glanced over at her. The tears had finally come, pouring down her face in rivers. I dragged my chair over and wrapped my arms around her as she wept.

I couldn't imagine everything she was feeling right now. Finding someone you thought you'd lost forever. Knowing that the intervening years had not been kind to him, and thinking you're somehow to blame. Wondering how those 10 years could have been different – for both of them – if only they could have been together.

Learning that someone loved you enough to look for you … even when there was no hope of finding you. It occurred to me that this was the first time any man in Bella's life had ever bothered to try to find her.

It took a very long time for her to cry herself out. She had plowed through most of a box of tissues, and she was a mess. Ten years of grief let out in one morning can do it to you.

"There are two more things I need to talk to you about," I said. She blew her nose and nodded at me to continue. "First … and I don't know if I have the right to ask you this … but I'm thinking it's not a great idea to …"

"… tell Edward about this yet," she finished. "I agree that he's probably not ready for this." She sighed harshly. "He may never be ready to hear this."

"You'd be surprised," I said. "He's made more progress since you came back into his life than he's made in the previous 10 years combined. You can't heal him, Bella, but you are the motivation he's needed to start healing himself." I paused. "This leads to the second thing I need to tell you. After you left yesterday morning, Edward had a flashback. A bad one." Bella's head flew up in alarm. "Emmett and Rose were there to help. But I won't lie – it was the worst he'd ever had."

"You should have called me," she said, scrubbing at her cheeks. "I would have come right away. Is he all right? What happened? Is he hurt?"

"Easy, Bella … Edward's fine. He slept all day yesterday and straight through the night as well. And he didn't want you to come because he knew you'd be upset. And God knows my brother does not want to upset you."

"What caused the flashback?"

"He doesn't know," I said. "His mind is blocking it. He can't come to terms with what's happening to him." Deep breath. "He knows, Bella. Part of him, buried deep inside, knows that there's something … special … about you. Maybe he's even begun to start making the actual connection that you are Swan. Did you notice if he was acting a bit odd yesterday right before you left?" Bella nodded thoughtfully.

"I almost turned the car around and went back to him because I was so uneasy. It was the strangest thing. One minute, he was fine. And then, just as we went to leave, he suddenly spaced out. Just like that." She put her face in her hands. "I knew I should have gone back. "

"Why, so you could see him screaming and bleeding everywhere because he took a bite out of his lip and smacked his face on the floor?" Bella flinched at my words. I felt bad for being so bald about it, but if she was going to be part of my brother's life, she needed to know the truth. "There's nothing you could have done, honey."

"I could have been there … should have been there," she insisted. "Can we go now? I need to see him."

"Later," I said gently. "If he saw you right now, he'd freak out and no one could blame him. You look like you've been through the wars. Go upstairs, wash your face and have a nap. Wait for him to call you. It'll be easier for both of you." Bella frowned stubbornly and looked like she might dig in. "I know – it's hard to be away from the man you love when he's hurting," I said. "But my brother needs to be handled very carefully."

"You tossed the "l" word in there rather casually, Alice," said Bella nervously.

"I know," I said, grinning. "I'm funny that way." I stood and threw my coffee cup in the recycling. "Even a blind man can see you two are absolutely crazy for each other. But it's a love balanced on a house of cards right now. Both of you – especially my brother – need to come to terms with a few more things before you're on firm ground." I picked up my bag and gave her a kiss.

"Keep the sketchbook for now. Spend some time looking at it. I'm sure you've missed that part of your life too. Get some sleep. You'll feel better this afternoon, and so will he."

I suddenly thought of something. "Oh, but don't let him up to your bedroom yet." She looked at me with a sharp look in her eye, and I flushed a little. "Please. You know why I said that, and it has nothing to do with the fact that you are sullying my older brother's virtue." She opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again with a snap, looking embarrassed. Bella let me get to the door before she asked the one question I knew she would ask.

"Alice?" I turned with a little smile. "How long have you known I was Swan?"

I grinned at her.

"A while," I said, and slipped out the door.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

When I woke up again, I felt better … but oh God, did I need Edward.

I sat up in bed, the cold washcloth I'd draped over my swollen eyes before falling asleep now a damp bundle on the sheets beside me. It was just after noon. I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth. I was sitting on the edge of the bed in my t-shirt and sweats, bare feet swinging, when the doorbell rang.

I could see the doorstep from my window, so I peeked out – no way was I answering the door in my sweats if it was someone selling natural gas or looking for a donation.

It was neither – it was Edward. I hurtled down the stairs, nearly tripping as I reached the bottom. I yanked the door open and – without a lot of thought for decorum or potentially lethal falls – threw myself into his arms. Edward took a couple of staggering steps backward, dropped something but managed to hang on to me and his balance.

"H-h-hi," he stuttered, although I think he was more surprised than stressed. He steadied himself for a minute, then embraced me just as fiercely. "Hi," he said again quietly in my ear. "I missed you too." Realizing I was assaulting my boyfriend (I guess I could call him that now) on my front step in my pajamas, I blushed hotly, let go and scuttled back inside. Edward picked up what he had dropped on the front step and handed it to me. It was a beautiful bunch of wildflowers, all different kinds.

"Uh … I got these for you," he said. "There's a nice flower stand near our place … they always have fresh stuff."

"They're beautiful," I said, closing the door behind him. "Thank you so much." I used the excuse of finding a vase and arranging the flowers to hide the fact that I was starting to tear up again. With James, it had always been roses … nothing else would do, in his mind. I had come to hate the sight and smell of roses. Edward had brought me wildflowers – daisies, columbine, larkspur. Just perfect.

I put the vase on our rickety dining room table and joined Edward on the couch in the adjoining living room. He seemed to notice for the first time that I was still in my pajamas.

"Did I wake you?" he asked anxiously. "I texted you and didn't hear back. But Alice said it was okay to come over, so I listened to her. Maybe I should have called you first?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I was up. I got up earlier this morning but went back to bed for some extra sleep." I looked at him, then frowned in concern. "Edward – your mouth…" I leaned forward and very softly touched his lower lip with my fingertips. It was poutier than usual, with a nasty little gash in the corner of his mouth.

"I had a bad … episode … last night," he mumbled against my fingers. "I bit myself a few times. And cut myself when I fell down." His face went red, and he looked embarrassed. I took my fingers from his mouth and kissed him, very softly, on his injured lip. Even all banged up, his mouth was the sexiest.

"Alice told me you had a flashback," I said, not wanting to mislead him into thinking this was news to me. "Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head, looking sad.

"Not right now, okay?" he asked. I nodded and moved closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and looked at his face in profile from the safety of his arms.

Finding Teddy in that face wasn't easy, even when I knew what to look for. His hair had been much shorter as a boy, and blonder. He had only just begun to hit puberty when we had been separated; now he was a man, with a man's face and voice. There were flashes of Teddy though – in his beautiful green eyes, his smile, his gestures. But very few.

"I'm so glad you came," I said. "What do you want to do today?"

"Anything you want," he replied.

~~ - ~~

We leaned on the railing, feeling the cold blowing off the ocean. The icy wind was keeping the tourists away, making it easier on Edward who had a violent dislike of crowds. The noise below was terrific.

"I'm a little surprised you wanted to come here," he said close to my ear, making me shiver for another reason besides the cold. "Actually, I'm a lot surprised. You've lived in San Francisco going on five years. Haven't you seen enough of these fat, lazy bastards yet?" He gestured down to the floats at Pier 39 where the sea lions lay, barking and tussling.

"I just love them," I said wistfully. "They're so funny. I could sit here for hours and watch them. Actually, I've done that before … although not usually on a windy day in November, I admit. They always make me happy, no matter how down I'm feeling."

"But locals never come here," Edward pointed out. "I could lose my status as a San Francisco resident if I got caught here."

"I know," I said. "But I like them. So I come to see them. I could care less about the rest of the tourist stuff," I said, waving my hand at the rest of Pier 39, with its souvenir shops, overpriced restaurants and arcade attractions. "But I love the sea lions. I love the way they just moved in and took over." Down below, two young males had gotten into a shoving match, each trying to push the other off the float. Eventually one gave in, slid into the water and hauled up further along the wooden barge, finding a new spot amongst the lions. There was a chorus of loud barks, then the rows of fat, furry bodies settled down again, only to kick up furiously a few moments later.

Edward laughed and shook his head, probably thinking I was an out-of-state hick. But he wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head as I stood there in the cold wind, watching the barking, brawling residents of Pier 39's K-dock.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

The wind was freezing, and at first, I kept glancing around to make sure no one I knew would spot me here and think I was nuts. But watching Bella's face light up with happiness watching the sea lions on the docks made me forget about … just about everything.

I couldn't take my eyes off her face. She was so beautiful, her cheeks red, the loose hair around her face whipping in the wind. I noticed that her eyes looked swollen … I wondered if she had been crying. And if so, why.

Her lower lip started to quiver, and I could see her clenching her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering in the cold. After a moment of gazing at her, I suddenly realized that it was my job to keep her warm. I stepped behind her and put my arms around her, pulling her close to me. I nuzzled my face into her hair.

It occurred to me that I would stand out here holding her in the freezing wind for hours if she wanted me to.

_Is this what it feels like to be in love?_

I had the feeling that thought should have made me upset or nervous or something. Instead, it just made me feel good.

~~ - ~~

We stopped at a grocery store on the way home to buy the makings for dinner. My mouth was aching like crazy, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that eating anything other than plain oatmeal was likely to hurt like hell. She picked up a couple of pounds of fresh shellfish and a bunch of other ingredients. I loaded the groceries into the car while she ran into the drug store for something.

Sitting at her kitchen table, I watched Bella whisk together a cream sauce of some type, boil pasta and sauté the seafood. She seemed very relaxed in her kitchen, moving between the counter and stove, humming to herself. She offered me wine, which I declined. She then produced sparkling water, which I accepted. A few minutes later, Bella put a bowl of steaming seafood alfredo in front of me.

"Wait, before you eat that," she said, reaching for the bag from the drugstore. She messed around on the counter for a while, then approached me with gauze that smelled a lot like antiseptic. Suspicious, I backed up in my chair until I hit the wall. "Relax, I'm just going to clean this cut a bit." Before I could protest, she was wiping the cut on the edge of my mouth. The antiseptic burned like hell.

"Thanks," I mumbled. It did feel better, especially after she put some kind of ointment on it.

"Trust me?" she asked, looking me in the eye.

"Uh … yeah?"

"I'm going to disinfect the cuts inside your mouth, then put something on them so they stop hurting while you eat, okay?" _Fuck. This wasn't going to be pretty._

"You don't need to do that, you know," I said nervously.

"I know I don't. But I'd like to. Will you let me help you?" she asked very simply. I sighed, closed my eyes and opened my mouth. Bella moved so fast that I had no time to pull away. In a flash, she doused my lower lip with antiseptic. There was a split second, then the burning started. It stung so bad my eyes teared up. A moment later, I felt her finger in my mouth, and I smelled something like licorice. There was a second of pain as she swabbed some kind of gel over the cuts in my mouth. Then nothing. The pain vanished. As did a chunk of the feeling in my lower lip.

"Wha di ya do?" I mumbled as she stepped away, washing her hands in the sink.

"I put Listerine on your cuts to clean them. Then I put baby teething gel on them to numb them. It's only temporary but it will allow you to eat dinner." She grinned as she returned to the table. "You might drool a little, but otherwise, you should be fine."

I rolled my eyes and carefully tried some of the pasta on my plate. A bit awkward, but nothing compared to the pain I had been in before. Mindful of the drooling, I dug into the first meal I'd had since the flashback nearly 30 hours prior.

~~ - ~~

After supper, I helped her do the dishes – having eaten two huge bowls of pasta with shrimp, scallops and clams, there weren't any leftovers to speak of. When we finished, Bella turned to me, looking nervous.

"What?" I asked.

"I was wondering … if you wanted to go home. Or stay." I put the towel on the counter and pulled her into my arms.

"I would like to stay with you tonight," I whispered. "May I?"

"Yes," she said. "But could I ask a favor? Could we go to your place? I only have a twin bed upstairs … I like to snuggle, but it can get uncomfortable at 2 a.m. if you want to stretch out." I was rather fond of my king size bed at home, and the thought of sleeping in a twin bed made me cringe.

"Go get your stuff. I'll wait here."

~~ - ~~

The house was dark except for a flickering light from the front window as we approached.

"Should we clear our throats and stomp on the steps really loud?" asked Bella. I grinned.

"One of the advantages of having a sister who can see the future – you never walk in on her and her boyfriend naked in the living room," I said, unlocking the door. I stepped in; my sister and best friend were seated on opposite ends of the couch, innocent looks on their faces. "But sometimes they take it a little too far," I noted. Both of them cracked up.

"Hi Bella," said Alice, bouncing up off the couch to give her a hug. They went off into the kitchen, whispering, while Jazz and I played some Halo on the Xbox. But when Alice and Bella came back into the room, I tossed Alice the controller and called it a night.

"Have fun, kids!" Jasper grinned as we went upstairs. "Aw, c'mon Alice … that's cheating…"

~~ - ~~

Bella came into my room from the bathroom wearing one of my t-shirts. She looked … incredible.

"Hi," she said, crawling into bed beside me and into my arms. "How's your mouth?" she asked, gently touching my lips with her finger.

"Sore," I admitted. "I took some Advil; it should be better in a day or two. Thanks for looking after me so well tonight at dinner."

"My pleasure," she said, leaning closer. Very carefully, she ran her tongue along my upper lip, then sucked it softly into her mouth. I held still for a few seconds, but couldn't resist kissing her back. That didn't work, and I pulled back with a wince.

"Ouch," said Bella. "I can tell that hurt just looking at you." She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back into the pillows. "How about this … let's make tonight just about you. You don't have to do a thing, just lie back and enjoy. Does that sound good?" I made a little noise in my throat that hopefully sounded like agreement. "But you have to hold still when I kiss you, Edward. Don't move." Bella recaptured my top lip, and I moaned with the torture of not being able to kiss her back.

Eventually, her mouth wandered down to my neck, kissing a path down to my collarbone. She pushed my t-shirt aside and nibbled her way along my collarbone, finally settling on one spot where she started sucking on my skin. I gasped as her teeth grazed my skin, then pulled away. I felt my face heat up as I realized she had just given me a hickey. _At least it's far enough down that no one will see it. _Although I suddenly wondered how I would feel if everyone could see that Bella had marked me as her own.

"Off," she mumbled, pulling at my shirt. I obliged, tossing it down beside the bed and lying back down, feeling nervous. Bella went back to licking at my neck, running her hand lazily across my chest. She traced little figure eights on my skin, waiting for me relax once again before she began to explore my body further.

She ran the palm of her hand down my chest, brushing over one of my nipples. The feeling was so unexpectedly good that I let out of a moan of pleasure.

"Did that feel good?" she murmured, going back to touch again. I flushed red in the dark, and then caught my breath as she circled my nipple with one fingertip. "It's supposed to feel good, you know."

"Uh-huh, good," I managed to choke out as she continued to touch me. My erection twitched in my shorts, straining against the fabric. She slid one finger down the center of my chest, following the line of bronze hair that marked a path down my stomach. I was breathing so fast by the time she reached the waistband of my shorts that I was afraid I was going to pass out. Her hand drifted back and forth across my stomach, soothing and arousing me at the same time.

"Oh … oh God!" I suddenly hissed as her tongue started tracing the same journey down my chest, licking over my nipples and sending jolts of arousal down between my legs. Bella planted soft, wet kisses all the way down my chest, over my ribs and down to my belly button, which she explored with her tongue. Then her nose slipped down to the top of my shorts, and I could feel her warm breath just inches away from the tip of my penis. I nearly stopped breathing – half in fear, half in desire.

"I want to touch you," she said, turning her face up to me, resting her cheek on my stomach. "May I touch you?" I couldn't speak, and settled for nodding. I hoped she could see me in the dark.

Very slowly, Bella ran her hand over the front of my shorts, her fingers tracing the outline of my aching dick. I was scared … but I wanted her to touch me, _needed_ her to touch me. _Right there. Fuck yes!_

Before I knew what was happening, Bella's little hand dipped inside my shorts, running up and down my very hard length. The pleasure and relief were instantaneous. I thrust up into her hand, unable to stop myself. Her fist slid slowly up to the tip of my erection which was already wet. She gave the head a squeeze, then slid back down again, taking the moisture along with her.

"Uhhnnnn," I groaned. "Oh, so _good_, Bella. Don't stop, please don't stop."

"I have no intention of stopping," she whispered, and I nearly came right there. I knew I wouldn't last very long, but I wanted to enjoy every second. I reached for her, pulling frantically at the shirt covering her body. A moment later, it too was on the floor and I had my hands all over her breasts, giving myself over to the incredible feelings running through my body.

After a minute or two, I pushed ineffectively at my shorts, not wanting to soak another pair of underwear. Bella gently tugged off my boxers, tossed them aside and resumed stroking me. No one had ever done this to me before, and the feeling of her hand rubbing my aching erection was foreign but wonderful. My hips were moving of their own accord, and everything was winding up like crazy. _Can't stop, can't stop, can't stop_ …

"Bella … uhhnnn … Bella, I'm gonna … gonna …" My back arched off the bed as I exploded in her hand. I cried out as all the tension released from my body, spasms wracking me. When I finished, I couldn't move. I lay there, panting. After a moment, Bella took a few tissues from the bedside table and wiped up the mess on my stomach.

"Feel good?" she asked, settling back down beside me.

"Uh huh," I sighed. "So good." I shivered and pulled the blanket over top of us, pulling her against my naked body. The feel of her soft skin against me was fantastic, and all I wanted was to touch every inch of her body, lavish her with love and attention. I started to tell her how I wanted to make her feel as good as she'd just made me feel, but everything coming out of my mouth was suddenly mush.

"Go to sleep, my love," Bella murmured, stroking my hair softly. "In the morning, okay?"

I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I was already gone.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I'm serving up one of my notorious "plot sandwiches" today. Lemon, followed by plot, followed by lemon. **

**Much love going out my lovely ladies, algonquirt and mskathy. They know my characters as well as I do (sometimes better) and always tell me when I'm messing up. Big thanks to all the readers and reviewers here too … thanks for joining us on the ride!**

**A few of the great fics that I've been reading lately: Mr. Horrible (of course), The Trip Home (I swear, I'm the last one to join that party), Poughkeepsie, Bella and the Billionaire and A Life Extraordinary.**

BPOV

I had three kinds of dreams about Teddy.

The first kind was happy … dreams where we were together. Sometimes I dreamed about the time before, when we were young and innocent and had our very own secret world to share. Other times, I would dream that we were grown up but had somehow found one another. And we were happy. In those dreams, Teddy always looked the same as he did when we were young – just taller and older. I always woke from those dreams feeling good.

Bad dreams were very bad indeed. The black monster (I still thought of it as that, even though I knew its name now) played prominently in those dreams. It had never bothered much with us as children, but in my imagination, I was forever pursued by it, waking as it landed on my back or prepared to tear my throat out. The worst were the ones where it hurt Teddy while I stood by, unable to help.

Then there were the really good dreams. In which Teddy came back to me, not as a boy, but a man. And loved me as a woman. I woke up from those dreams, sweating and gasping, my orgasm still echoing in my body.

There was something a bit pervy about having a sex dream featuring the boy you had a crush on when you were 13. Even if he was all grown up in the dream. What did it say about me that my first crush was still my best sexual fantasy?

_Maybe it says that your first crush was the smartest, handsomest, sweetest guy in the world. Who has since turned into the smartest, handsomest, sweetest – and sexiest – man in the world._

I was interrupted in the middle of one of those really good dreams by that same wonderful man who was sound asleep against my back. He seemed to be having his own good dream, which was what woke me.

Edward let out another moan as his erection pushed hard against my thigh. He was still naked, and his arousal was leaving a damp trail on my leg. I was hot and bothered from the dream, and from last night.

_God, I want him so bad. _

The thought of him inside me, loving me, nearly drove me out of my mind.

_Neither of us is ready yet._

Sighing, I got out of bed, pulled on a shirt and went to the bathroom. When I returned, Edward was sprawled across the entire bed, arms outflung. _Bed hog._

I pulled off the shirt, moved his arm and wiggled back into his embrace. He made an adorable, snorting little grunt as he was startled out of whatever fabulous dream he had been having. And discovered a mostly naked woman in his arms.

"Bella?" he slurred. "Oh God." Edward shifted his erection away from my thigh and struggled up against the covers. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"That's okay," I said in the semi-darkness. It was just after five in the morning. I took a close look at his face as he winced in pain. "Do you still hurt?" He nodded. "I left the medicine in the bathroom if you want it." Edward stumbled out of bed and wandered from the room stark naked, which made me giggle. I heard him cursing violently in the bathroom as he disinfected his mouth. Then he came back in. Drooling.

"Bedder," he said, climbing back in beside me. I snuggled close and ran my fingers up and down his back. Edward made a little sound of happiness and showed every sign of going right back to sleep.

_Nononononono!_

"Hey," I whispered to him. His eyes came back open. "I wish you wouldn't go back to sleep." He pushed his hair back from his face and let his gaze wander down my body. Edward got that half-scared, half-desirous look in his eyes. I took one of his hands and placed it on my breast.

"It's okay for me to do this?" he asked. Against my thigh, I could feel his morning arousal leap to attention.

"It's more than okay for you to do this," I whispered. He brought his other hand up, and slowly caressed me. He watched in fascination as my nipples hardened under his touch. His eyes flashed up to mine, darkening with lust.

"Does that feel good, when I touch you like that?" he asked. I nodded, biting my lip.

"Yes," I said a little breathlessly. "I want you to touch me. All over." I watched the war between hunger and insecurity battle in his eyes, then felt his fingers start to circle my nipples, making me moan with desire. His touch was light and maddeningly arousing. After years of a man who had been too rough, too possessive, Edward's gentle hands were like heaven. After several minutes of this, I wanted to scream with need.

"Edward," I breathed, taking his hand off my breast and pulling it down my body. I could feel him tense up. "Don't be scared, I'll show you how, my love."

Before he had time to stress about what he was about to do, I guided his hand down my belly. It slid over my abdomen and down between my thighs on top of my panties. I kept my hand on top of his as he traced my sex through my underwear. I realized with embarrassment that I was wet all the way through. His fingers rubbed gently up and down me, exploring. When I could stand it no longer, I brought his hand back up and tugged off my panties, tossing them aside.

I moved his fingers downward, slowly guiding him through the soft, damp curls that covered my sex. I was soaked and slippery, making it easy for him to run his fingers over me. Edward was barely breathing beside me, either in concentration or pure nerves.

I guided him along, skimming my opening from bottom to top, finally making contact with the hard little nub at the top. I couldn't hold back a gasp when he touched my aching clit for the first time; I needed this so badly. I gripped my fingers around his and guided him very carefully, running gentle circles around it. He was a quick study, and it wasn't long before everything felt comfortable enough for me to let go of his hand and fall back on to the pillows and into the sensations he was causing between my legs.

Edward's long, slender fingers teased all around my sweet spot. The fact that he was utterly inexperienced and had no way of knowing how fast and hard he was about to make me come was all the more arousing. He was just lost in the thrill of touching a woman intimately for the first time. _Pretty good for a first-timer,_ I thought hazily. As if to prove my unspoken point, he ran two fingers experimentally down either side of my clit, giving it a gentle squeeze. That sent me rocketing over the edge.

My back arched and I had to bite back a scream as my orgasm ripped through me. I put my hand over his so that he didn't pull away too soon. When I finally came down, I looked up at him tentatively. His eyes were wide with wonder, and my heart came leaping up into my mouth. I could see Teddy in him more clearly at that moment than I ever had before.

"Was that … good?" he asked anxiously. I let out a gasping little laugh.

"What do you think?" I asked, turning my flushed face to his and kissing his top lip. "Yes, that was wonderful." I felt his erection resting against my hip, and I reached down to run my hand over him. "You enjoyed it too?" Edward blushed hotly.

"Sorry," he mumbled, embarrassed. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been like a teenager lately."

"It's normal," I told him, rubbing him up and down, making him bite his lip with pleasure. "It's so normal, Edward."

"Nothing … normal … about … me," he moaned, pushing into my hand.

"You feel pretty normal to me," I whispered, picking up the pace a little. "Actually, you feel much more than normal. You feel big. And hard. And perfect." I punctuated each word with a firm down-stroke. His eyes were closed, his hands were clutching at the sheets, and I knew he was close.

"So … not … perfect," he said, panting. That pierced my heart a little, that even on the brink of ecstasy, he couldn't accept that he was worthy of love. I leaned forward and pushed my forehead against his, my hand moving urgently over his hot, twitching erection between us.

"Open your eyes," I whispered. He did, his green eyes wide and frantic as his body wound up. "You're perfect for me, Edward." He looked back at me for a split second, then cried my name as his orgasm burst through him.

He rested for a couple of minutes, then wiped both of us off before turning back to pull me into his arms. My naked body curved into his, and I'd never felt closer to a human being in my entire life than I did at that moment.

Edward held me tight against him for a while, then his arms started to relax a little and his breathing got deeper. But just as he drifted into sleep, he sighed.

"Love you, Bella," he mumbled. And then he was gone.

I waited a few more minutes until I was sure he was under. Then I pulled back and softly kissed his forehead.

"I love you too, Teddy," I whispered.

~~ - ~~

EPOV

The next two weeks were a blur of final papers and assignments, going to class and studying. Exams started on December 12, and the days were flying past.

To make matters worse, I was uneasy – for no apparent reason. In the span of those two weeks, I had two panic attacks and another unexplained flashback. Most of my dreams were terrifying … an endless series of nightmares through which the black monster stalked. The few dreams that weren't nightmares were unabashedly erotic. I had even had a wet dream for the first time since I was a teenager. Thank God it was a night that Bella didn't sleep over.

The nights that she did, I slept like a rock. No nightmares, no dreams. Just sleep. And waking with her warm, fragrant body in my arms. Heaven.

We spent as many nights together as we could manage because we rarely saw each other during the day. Being in two very separate academic programs didn't help, although our buildings weren't terribly far apart. One of us could usually make a mad dash through the constant fall rain to steal half an hour together. On one such trip to Tolman Hall, we ran into Tyler, that guy who had been bugging Bella for a date. Bella, her fingers intertwined with mine, was deep in conversation with Alice. Bella had pointed him out to me once before at a distance, but this was our first time seeing each other face to face. Tyler's eyes narrowed when he saw me, staring me up and down with an incredulous look on his face.

The man standing beside him looked up in mild curiosity. They were standing a respectable distance away but facing directly toward me.

"What's up, Ty?" he said, following his friend's gaze. Now the two of them were staring at me. I fidgeted beside Bella, resisting the urge to twitch at the knot of my tie. "Who's the Boy Accountant standing with your little Rapunzel?"

"I could be wrong," said Tyler speculatively, "but I think he is Alice Cullen's brother."

"Alice Cullen?" said his friend. "Oh, the short-haired chick with the freaky eyes? I guess their parents can only breed weirdness because that guy looks like a spaz." I felt every muscle in my body tense up as anger flooded into me. Alice's eyes suddenly darted over to mine.

"Edward," she said in a low, warning tone. "Just wait." Her eyes went blank, and Bella turned to look at me in surprise.

"What is it?" she asked. I didn't answer, just kept looking at Alice, waiting. "Edward, what's wrong?" I let go of her hand, my eyes never leaving the two simpering idiots in front of me. Bella swung around and saw Tyler and his friend standing there, both of them laughing at me. At _us_.

"Can't believe she's fucking that r-tard," said Tyler, looking right at me. "She must be a serious loser. Glad I didn't waste any time boning her."

"No hitting. It won't be necessary," said Alice in a steely voice, her eyes snapping open. And with that I was gone. "You know, people who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder sometimes have uncontrollable fits of anger," I heard Alice say to Bella as I moved forward.

I watched the smirks drop off their faces as I covered the distance between us in record time. I might have glasses and plastered hair and a tie … but I wasn't small or skinny. Or afraid.

I was _enraged_.

"Tyler, isn't it?" I said in a low, dangerous voice. He backed up a step, alarmed by the look on my face. He held up his hands in a defensive posture, and his friend looked like he wanted to be somewhere else entirely.

"Yeah, what's it to you, freak?" Tyler responded sullenly.

"It's nothing to me. Except that I just heard you insult me, my parents, my brother and sister and my girlfriend. And that, you stupid motherfucker, is plenty to me." Alice had told me once before that I was the scariest looking person in the world when I was angry and, judging my Tyler's reaction to my appearance, I'd have to say she was right. His eyes were wide and terrified, and his friend was edging quickly away.

"Dude, I was just talking … you know … nothing personal, I mean," he stammered. I clenched my hands into fists to keep from grabbing him. This was a public space, and laying a beating on him here would get all of us in trouble. Not that I knew anything about laying a beating on anyone; I had never won a fight in my life. Emmett had always rescued me as a teen when things got physical. But it was remarkable how rarely that had to happen, especially as adults. Tyler was a bully. And bullies almost always backed down when confronted by their victims.

Being a card-carrying lunatic never hurt either.

"Nothing personal that you just called my girlfriend a loser?" I snarled, feeling my lip curling. "Nothing _personal_?" I let my voice rise in volume, just a little bit. Friend was now gone; he just vanished like a trap door had been sprung underneath him. Tyler took another step back.

"You're a fucking crazy man, you know that?" he stammered.

"Yeah, I do," I replied, leaning in closer into his face. "I am a fucking crazy man. I even have the papers to prove it. So don't fuck with my family or the woman I love. Don't even think about being anything other than courteous to them. Or you will find out exactly how crazy I am." I let every bit of my rage bubble up into my face. Tyler's eyes widened so far I thought his eyeballs were going to fall out. If I hadn't been so furious, I probably would have found this amusing.

"Okay. Okay. Just leave me alone, man," he said nervously, stepping away. He backed slowly away, picked up his bag and fled. I stood there for a moment, shaking with anger. It would take a few minutes for the rage to drain away from body.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

I couldn't hear most of what Edward said to Tyler, but the body language alone told the story. Within less than a minute, Tyler had taken off with his tail between his legs, casting a wary glance behind him. Edward watched him go, his body stiff with tension. Not knowing how to handle this in the least, I turned to Alice for advice.

"Don't go near him for a bit," she advised. "It takes him a while to calm down after an outburst like that. If you get in his face, he'll scream at you." Alice suddenly grinned. "Or in your case, he might throw you down across one of the tables and …"

"Okay, I get the picture," I said hastily, rolling my eyes. "What on earth did he say to Tyler?"

"Not much," said Alice, dragging a chair out for me. "It's all in the approach. Edward is terrifying when he's angry. But it's all window dressing. He doesn't get physical, really doesn't even threaten to do anything. He just looks very, very scary." Alice grinned. "I don't think you'll get any trouble from Tyler again." We sat there for a moment while I tried to figure out how I felt about what had just happened.

"What are you thinking?" Alice asked softly. I struggled with my answer for a moment.

"That no one's ever stood up for me like that," I finally replied. "I'd rather he didn't make a habit of it. But I have to say, it felt pretty darn good."

~~ - ~~

EPOV

I tapped softly on my bedroom door, then pushed it open. Bella was curled up in my bed in one of my t-shirts, reading a sheaf of notes.

"Hi," I said awkwardly. "May I come in?" Bella smiled and dropped the notes on the bedside table.

"It's your room, Edward." I edged in nervously and sat down in my desk chair. "How was the rest of your day? Did you scare anybody else shitless?" I blushed scarlet with embarrassment. I opened my mouth, and word vomit came spewing forth.

"Bella, I am sorry. So sorry. I don't know what happened, I just heard what he said and I lost my temper. He was saying such terrible things, and I had to do something. I didn't mean to embarrass you or Alice, and I promise it will never happen again." I had to stop to take a breath. I watched in horror as Bella hopped off the bed and stalked toward the door. "Please don't leave, please just talk to …" I stopped abruptly as she closed the door.

And locked it.

She sauntered back across my room, and I suddenly realized she wasn't wearing anything _except_ my t-shirt. Her hair was done in one long braid, tapping against her bare thighs as she walked. Bella stopped in front of my chair and leaned over. I could see straight down her shirt to her luscious breasts and beyond.

I was very confused. And very aroused.

"Edward," she said softly. "Thank you for standing up for me today. It meant a lot to me. Can I show you my appreciation?" She asked so sweetly and looked so sexy that my head was spinning. I nodded dumbly. And tipped my head back to receive the searing kiss she planted on my mouth.

I was short of breath when she finally broke it off and slid on to my lap. She straddled me, her mouth capturing mine again. Her fingers ran up and down the back of my neck, then slid around to start loosening my tie.

"Is there anyone else you need me to stand up to?" I mumbled as she yanked off my sweater and sent my shirt flying into the corner of the room. "Because I would gladly do so."

"I'll let you know," she whispered, moaning as my hands slipped under her t-shirt and started tracing the curves of her breasts. I made a little sound of disappointment as Bella slipped out of my grasp and off my lap. She knelt on the floor in front of me and pulled open my jeans. "Lift up, baby," she said, tugging my pants down over my hips. My boxers went with them, releasing my aching hard-on. Bella leaned her elbows on my thighs and wrapped one small hand around me.

She started leaning forward, and I suddenly realized what she was about to do.

"Bella, are you sure … _uhnn_!" I cried out as Bella's lips slowly descended over the head of my erection. The feeling of her mouth wrapped around me was like nothing I'd ever felt in my life. It was hot, wet and so tight as she made her way back up, sucking the very tip of me. One hand stroked the base of my penis while the other one gently squeezed my balls. I nearly arched out of the chair when her tongue started lapping at the underside of my cock. She reached up and shoved me back down with surprising force, then set a slow, steady rhythm on my penis.

_Holy shit, I am getting a blow job!_

I made the colossal mistake of looking down at her while she worked me over. Her pink lips were wrapped firmly around me, and she had a look on her face of utter concentration. She pulled her lips away and teased her tongue down my length with a little smile on her lips. Bella was … enjoying this.

That finished me. I could feel the heat starting to build in my testicles, the pressure starting to come in waves through my lower body. Bella's mouth slid down my straining shaft, sucking and licking the whole way. I was writhing in my seat, trying so hard to hold it back but knowing I was fighting a losing battle. I reached down and pushed at her head, but she swatted my hands away.

"Bella," I gasped, nearly incoherent. "Bella … gonna … move or I'm gonna … can't … oh … oh …_oh Jesus_!" I screamed – loudly – as my orgasm erupted and I blew frantically in her mouth, unable to hold it in another second. My head tipped back in the chair as I sat there, my heart pounding with exertion. Bella got up off her knees and slipped out of the room while I recovered. She returned in a moment with a wide smile and a bottle of water.

"That was …" I panted, "… the best thing … I've ever experienced … in my whole life."

Bella kissed me and smiled.

"That's the idea, love," she whispered.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: So, a little shameless self-promotion, first. One of my other stories, Behind Enemy Lines, has been nominated for the May Reader's Choice Awards pick of the month on Cullen Boys Anonymous! If you feel inclined, the voting is taking place at http://cullenboysanonymous[dot]freeforums[dot]org/may-reader-s-choice-awards-poll-vote-here-t1782[dot]html. You have to register for the forums to be able to vote.**

**Come join us on the thread on Twilighted! Everyone is welcome to float your theories, suggest plot ideas and just generally enjoy some laughs in the community of some terrific writers and readers of Twilight fanfic.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: For everyone who has been asking to see Edward finally start putting the pieces together …**

**Hugs to algonquinrt and Ms Kathy for being the best of friends. And a million thanks to all the people who read and review. **

EPOV

I stepped outside the exam hall and sagged against the nearest wall. My head was pounding. I should be ecstatic that I was finished my final exam of the session (Applied Mathematics, my best subject), but right now, I just felt exhausted. Some of my classmates were milling around the building lobby, looking equally drained. I exchanged small talk with a few of them, then slipped outside for some fresh air.

It wasn't yet 5 p.m., but the sky was already dark. It had been a grey, rainy day, typical of San Francisco winter. I took several long breaths of damp, cold air, trying to clear the exam haze from my brain. Bella had had her last exam this morning, and we were celebrating tonight. I reached into my bag, found my cell phone and turned it back on. No messages.

I was stuffing it back in my bag when it rang. Alice. A chill ran through me. For Alice to have timed it so precisely almost certainly meant she'd been waiting to see me turn the phone back on. Which meant it was important.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately.

"You need to come home," she said, trying to sound calm but not entirely succeeding.

"Tell me what's wrong Alice," I said, digging out my car keys and walking swiftly toward the parking lot.

"It's Bella," she said, and I stopped dead in my tracks. "It's okay, Edward. She's fine - physically. She just needs you. Right away. She's with us."

I didn't bother to say goodbye or stop to wonder why Bella was at our house. I just started running.

~~ - ~~

Alice, Jasper and Emmett were sitting in the living room, looking uncomfortable when I tore into the house.

"Where is she?" I demanded. "_What happened?_"

"She got a phone call," said Alice, "from her father."

~~ - ~~

I opened the bedroom door when there was no answer to my knock. Bella was sitting on the bed, her back to me.

"Bella?" I said softly. There was no response.

I came around to her side of the bed. She was sitting there, her phone still in her hand. She wasn't crying. Just sitting. And staring. Her face was a blank. I sat down beside her and her eyes flicked over to look at me.

"Bella, love, what happened?" I took her cold fingers in mine and rubbed them gently.

"My father called me," she said, sounding tired. "I haven't heard from him in months. But he likes to call around the holidays. Just to prove he's a good dad." She chuckled hollowly.

"What did he say to you?" I asked.

"Oh, you know. He wanted to know how school was going. If I was getting top marks – that's very important to him. What my career plans were, what kind of a job I was going to get with my Masters." None of this sounded alarming so far. "He asked after my mother and grandfather. He asked if I'd heard from my good-for-nothing ex-husband. And he asked if I was seeing anybody new." Bella's voice trembled, and I squeezed her hand encouragingly.

"I told him yes, I'd met a guy. A nice guy. Someone really special." Part of me thrilled to hear Bella say I was special. And part of me felt sick because this was almost certainly the part of the conversation where things had gone wrong. "He asked a lot of questions about you. What you were studying. What you wanted out of your career. What kind of a family you came from. He was very impressed. Said you sounded like a 'good catch.'"

"Yeah, well," I mumbled. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Bella nodded absently, like she hadn't even understood what I'd said. Her expressionless face suddenly twisted with pain.

"Then he asked how I'd managed to fool such a fine young man into dating me. And whether I was going to tell you that I was someone else's leavings, or whether I'd cover that up until I got you safely to the altar. Because a nice, smart guy like you from a wealthy family shouldn't want to marry a whore like me."

My jaw dropped open in horror and for a moment, I wondered if I had heard her correctly. Then I looked at Bella's face, at the unshed tears shining in her eyes, and I knew that I had.

"What?" I whispered. "He said that? To _you_?" She nodded, and the first tear splashed down her cheek. "I … I don't understand. How could he? How could he say that to you?"

"I don't know," she said, shaking her head, more tears falling now. "I think he was drinking a little, but that isn't any excuse. I don't know what kind of father calls his daughter a whore. I know I let him down; I know I made mistakes. But I did my best to fix things up, get my life back on track. And damn it, I haven't had sex in more than five years! I've tried so _hard_." Her face crumpled, and she looked like a child, causing nerves to skitter inexplicably up and down my spine. "My daddy called me a whore."

"I …I …." I had no idea what to say and realized that maybe there were no words that could make a situation like this any better. So I put my arms around her and held her. At first, it was like hugging stone … cold, hard, unresponsive. Then she reached her hands around me and dug her hands into the back of my sweater. And began to sob.

I pulled Bella against me, rocking her as she cried. Minutes passed, and there was no sign of her letting up. Slowly, I leaned back, taking her with me. I lay on the bed with Bella curled up against me. I had no idea what to say or do; all I knew was that she was in terrible pain, and I was unable to stop it.

And so I held her.

"Okay, okay," I soothed, stroking her hair. "I'm here. It's okay."

"He left me," she whispered after a long while, her voice crackling. "He left me. Men just leave me. I don't know why."

"I won't leave you," I replied. "I promise. I won't leave you."

"Yes, you will," she sobbed. "You did before, and you'll leave me again. I know you will." There was more that came after that, but it was lost in her sobs. Baffled, I just clasped her closer to me, rocking her gently. Maybe the emotional distress was making her confused. I wondered sadly if she thought I was James.

_Maybe she thinks you're someone else entirely._

I could feel my body starting to tremble, and sweat suddenly sprang up on my forehead. I twisted my head to the side, as if I could somehow get away from that familiar voice in my own mind.

_Maybe _she's_ someone else entirely. Come on, Edward, open your eyes!_

I clenched my jaw shut against the moan that was making its way out of my throat. My eyes were rolling back in my head, and my heart was racing at top speed. The flashback was coming …

_Stop it! You know who you have in your arms. Don't you dare run away – don't you dare leave her!_

Bella's shivering body pressed against me, clinging to me for support. All the times she had held _me_, helped _me_ through flashbacks and bad dreams and unfamiliar territory … and the first time she came to me for help, I was falling to pieces in front of her. I clutched her tighter to my chest, nearly panting with the exertion of holding back the darkness that threatened to consume me. There was no way I could do this. No way.

But I did.

The images came in a huge, sloppy flood into my mind. Memories of the mirror world, of the black monster and everything else I kept locked up tight in the back of my mind. But mostly, it was Swan. Not the superficial memory of her that I recalled when I thought of her from day to day, but everything – the translucency of her skin, the smell of her hair, the sound of her infrequent laughter, the dirty look she gave me when I let her win at something. Her fingers brushing against my hair. The softness of her lips against mine during our one and only kiss. All of it.

But rather than seek refuge in the relative comfort of semi-consciousness and sleep, I had to stay present for this. I had to stay present for _her_.

Eventually Bella's sobs quieted to sniffles and then to raspy breathing. My sweater slipped out of her hands, and she drifted into a fitful sleep. And through it all, I didn't move. I endured, second by second, minute by minute. Remembering everything I wanted to forget. And listening to the voice of my 13-year-old self buried deep inside me begging me to see, to not allow myself to succumb to the flashback.

Until finally … finally … the trembling began to stop. My heart slowed. And the images inside my mind faded.

The episode had passed.

After a while, I eased my cramping limbs away from Bella, trying not to disturb her uneasy sleep. It was nearly 10 minutes before I felt like I could walk. I used the bathroom and contemplated a shower, but settled for splashing water on my face and neck. Alice was standing outside the bathroom door when I opened it. I stopped and leaned heavily on the doorframe.

My sister didn't say anything; she just stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek. Then she gave me a warm hug and shooed me back to my bedroom.

~~ - ~~

I crawled into bed in my t-shirt and shorts. Bella was fully dressed beside me. I tugged off her socks and slid her sweatpants down, trying not to feel like a degenerate while I undressed her. I pulled the blankets around her, tucking her in beside me. It had been a long, exhausting day, but sleep somehow managed to elude me. I lay beside Bella, one hand on her waist, touching softly. She felt small and fragile alongside me which was ironic, given how strong she really was.

Strong, beautiful, intelligent, compassionate. Everything I had believed Swan would be when I finally found her.

_There_, I said to the persistent voice in my head that I was so good at shutting down. _I've admitted it. Bella reminds me of Swan._

_I know_, the voice replied as it faded away in my mind. _Me too._

~~ - ~~

I slept very little that night, wakened frequently by Bella's cries. Her pain had followed her into her dreams, and she spent the night moaning and twitching beside me. I held her all night long, rubbing her back and murmuring into her ear when she became agitated. She woke up screaming around three in the morning, scaring me half to death.

"Leave him alone!" she shrieked, flailing her arms around my head as I tried to restrain her. Bella got one or two good wallops in before I managed to wake her up enough to realize she was safe. She looked at me in confusion, then collapsed back into my arms. A few moments later, she was asleep again.

It was a long night.

When I awoke, it was nearly 10 a.m. Bella lay beside me, looking at me. Her eyes were red and swollen, but the broken look was gone from her face. I smiled at her.

"Hi," I said softly, running the back of my hand down her soft cheek. Her answering smile was small, but it reached her eyes.

"Hi." She slid across the bed and into my arms. "Thank you," she whispered into my ear. "Thank you for staying with me."

"I meant what I said," I replied. "I won't leave you. Ever." I wrapped my arms around her slim body, feeling very protective. "Do you want to talk …about what happened with your dad?" I asked. Bella moved uneasily in my arms.

"Maybe a little," she said. "After my father said … what he said … I asked him to repeat himself because I thought at first I'd heard wrong. So he repeated it. And when I asked him how he could say such a thing to me, he said that he was my father, and that gave him the right to say whatever he wanted to me."

I thought about my own father, and his boundless love for me, Alice and Emmett. His unflagging respect and courtesy for all women, but especially my mother whom he cherished. How proud he was of us, even when we failed. He had never been anything but supportive of all of his children. And Jasper, whom he lovingly referred to as his 'fourth child'. Carlisle Cullen would cut out his own tongue before he said anything as wrong as what had been visited on Bella.

"No one has the right to disrespect you that way. No one," I said fiercely.

"I know. There was a time when I didn't know that, but I've learned since then." Bella sighed and held me tighter. "Which is why I told my father that I didn't think we had anything further to say to one another for now. I said goodbye and hung up."

"Are you comfortable with that decision still … this morning?" I asked.

"Yeah," she replied with no hesitation. "I know I did." She paused, her fingers tracing circles on my shoulder through my shirt. "If he calls back and apologizes, I'd be willing to talk to him about it. If he doesn't, that's his choice. But I won't be treated that way by anyone anymore."

"I'm sorry this happened, love," I said after a moment. "And for what it's worth, I think you made the right choice, and I'm proud of you. But I just want you to know you have my support." She nodded against me and squeezed me tight. My throat tightened at the thought of how she must feel right now. All I wanted was to take her pain away, to protect her … to love her.

I was in love with Bella.

We lay together, warm against one another. Her fingers still drifted over my shoulders, and my hand was resting lightly between her shoulder blades. Our feet were tangled together. She was everything I had ever wanted in a woman, and the moment would never be more perfect.

"Bella?"

"Mmmmm?" _Deep breath. Do NOT stutter!_

"I love you."

There was a moment of silence just long enough for me to begin wishing I'd kept my big mouth shut. Maybe I'd frightened her with my sudden declaration.

"I love you too," she murmured against my neck, following it with a gentle kiss. Her words made my heart skip a beat, and I felt dizzy even though I was lying down. No girl had ever said that to me before – least of all when I was lying in bed, unshowered with morning breath and congealed hair. Mindful of my oral hygiene, I pulled back and gave Bella a chaste kiss in response, and then tucked her closer into my body.

It was then I realized that it was time to tell Bella the whole story of what had happened to me all those years ago.

~~ - ~~

BPOV

_He stayed with me._ All night. Every second of every minute of the night, I knew he was there. I'd never truly known what it meant to have someone there for me in that way.

My mother, who loved me dearly, was as scatterbrained as they came. I had spent much of life looking out for her, not the other way around. My father … well, my father was only there for me when it suited him. I was an only child, with little talent for making close girlfriends; I was too shy, too quiet. And while James' possessiveness had made me feel like I was cared for on the surface, deep down inside, I had known my emotional needs were not being met by that relationship. Teddy was the only person to whom I had ever truly felt connected. And he was gone. Forever, I had believed.

To miraculously return in the form of Edward Cullen.

Who loved me.

The rush of emotion I felt at hearing that from him was incomparable. For a moment, I was so overwhelmed I couldn't make a sound. When I could speak, I couldn't get my voice above a whisper and was unable to stop myself from pressing a kiss on to his stubbly neck.

We snuggled for a while longer, savoring the new intimacy between us. I knew that we were being disgustingly, saccharine sweet – but I couldn't help myself. I was surprised there weren't cupids, hearts and tweeting birds spinning in circles above our lovesick heads. Thankfully, there was no one here except us anyway.

"I'm sorry that I ruined last night," I finally sighed. "We were supposed to go out and celebrate before we left for Christmas break."

"That doesn't matter," he said with a small shrug. "We can celebrate tonight. Or after you come home from Phoenix." He leaned back, his handsome face looking troubled. "But I wish we could be together for Christmas."

"I know. I feel the same way." I trailed my fingers down his arm, raising a path of goose bumps. "But I wasn't home for Thanksgiving, and my mom will have a fit if I don't come home this time." I smiled up at him shyly. "I have a present for you. For Christmas. Can I give it to you the night before I leave?" Edward blushed and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"You didn't need to do that," he said in an embarrassed tone. "But I have some things for you too. And yes, I'd like to give them to you before you go. You leave Sunday?" I nodded. It was already Friday morning; I wasn't sure where the last few weeks had gone. "Then we'll have dinner tomorrow night. And exchange gifts."

"At my place," I said. "I want to do it at my place." He looked at me quizzically. "My roommates will be gone, so we'll have the place to ourselves."

"Okay," he said, taking my face in his hands. "I love you," he said with a radiant smile. "I could say that to you all day, you know that?"

"I could listen to it all day. And I love you too, Edward."

There was a sudden loud knocking on the door, making both of us jump.

"If you two are quite done in there with your lovey-dovey crap, you're welcome to join us for brunch!" shouted Alice. "We're leaving in an hour!"

"Do you ever get used to that?" I asked, mortified that Alice knew so much about our relationship.

"Yeah," said Edward, blushing furiously as he climbed out of bed. "But it takes time. Just don't ask how much because I haven't gotten there yet."

~~ - ~~

**A/N: He's not all the way there yet, but it's a good start. Next chapter will show us much, much more. Join us on Twilighted, we have fun there.**

**Thanks for helping "Behind Enemy Lines" win the May Cullen Boys Anonymous Reader's Choice Award! I am very grateful to who voted for it. **

**Read and review, folks! I love your feedback, as always.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: SM owns. My best girls algonquinrt and mskathy rock. And Edward's cocoon is about to get blown to pieces …**

~~ - ~~

EPOV

_Two days previously_

Going Christmas shopping, I knew from bitter experience, was torture. Huge crowds of people, stuffy stores full of perfume, sales people in your face … it all spelled doom for someone like me.

Online shopping was my usual modus operandi, but choosing Bella a gift from an online catalogue didn't seem right. I knew what I wanted to give her, but it would require a trip home and a stressful conversation with my mother.

Bella was worth it.

I had no exams on Wednesday, so I called Mom in the morning, and drove over in the afternoon. My father was at the hospital working; we had the place to ourselves.

Esme called out to me from the kitchen as I came in the front door. I toed off my shoes and found her taking a batch of cookies out of the oven. I tried to grab one over her shoulder, but she shooed me away with an oven mitt. I retreated to lean against the wall and watch my mother being domestic – her interior design business usually kept her going all day long, so it was rare to see her doing the Donna Reed thing.

"There," she said, putting the last cookie on the cooling racks. Briskly, she loaded the dishwasher and set it running. "You picked a good day to visit, Edward. I just finished my last big contract before the holidays yesterday, and I'm trying to catch up on my baking before the hungry hoard descends next week." My mom stood on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek. "How's my boy? Exams going well?" I could see her eyes searching my face, like they always did. Then she smiled as if she had found something she was looking for.

"So far," I said. "I have one more tomorrow. Applied Math. I should be okay with that one." She poured a cup of coffee and handed it to me, along with a handful of warm cookies. I grinned, and her whole face lit up. We walked to the living room together.

"How's Bella?" she asked archly as I was munching down another cookie. I blushed, and my mother's eyes widened with delight. "That good, hmmm?"

"Bella's just fine. She has her last exam tomorrow too." Mom kept looking at me expectantly. "And uh … things are good, yes. Very good." I took this as my opportunity to start the stressful conversation. "Actually, I was wondering if you could … help me out with … Bella's Christmas present."

"You want me to help?" she asked in surprise. Usually Alice was the go-to person in the family if you needed a gift idea; she could usually predict what a person might like. "Do you want to buy her something for her house?"

"No, Mom," I said, steeling myself. "I want to give her something that Gran left me." My mother's hand flew to her mouth and I could hear her gasp of shock from where I sat. _Shit._

"Edward," she said, recovering herself. "The things that my mother left to you are yours to do as you please with. But isn't it a little soon to be giving Bella … an engagement ring?" I nearly dropped my coffee cup on the floor in horror. One of the things Gran had left me was a diamond ring with a note suggesting I could offer it as an engagement ring to my future wife when the time came.

"Oh my God, no! No. That wasn't what I was thinking at all!" I spluttered, and my mother's face visibly relaxed. "I said it was going really well, not that I had lost my mind."

"Sorry Edward … I should have known you wouldn't be so hasty. It's just that we've never seen you so happy before ... or so in love … and I jumped to the wrong conclusion." _In love. In love with Bella. God, I am so in love with her. Focus, Edward!_

"That's okay," I said. "I should have been more precise about which item I was considering." My mother frowned for a moment, then smiled.

"Oh. Now I know. Gran saw this, didn't she? Come on," she said, standing up. "Let's go find them."

~~ - ~~

_Saturday afternoon_

I rang the doorbell at Bella's, yanking my hand through my hair nervously. She opened the door almost immediately with a big smile on her face. I handed her the flowers – wildflowers like last time, Alice had said they were perfect for Bella – and stood feeling really awkward on the doorstep. I held her gift, beautifully wrapped, in my other hand.

"Aren't you going to come in?" she asked shyly. I walked in behind her; the entire house smelled like heaven and I knew Bella was making something incredible for dinner again. Her little living room was decorated for the holidays with a tiny tree in the corner, candles on the fake mantelpiece and pine cones artfully scattered about. Beside the tree sat three flat gifts, stacked on top of one another and tied together with a big red ribbon.

"Um … this is for you," I said, holding the little gift out to her. She smiled and put it on top of the other present. Then she came into my arms for a kiss. Which turned into a second. And a third.

"That's better," Bella said breathlessly. "Merry Christmas, love."

"Merry Christmas to you too," I replied, willing my hormones to subside a little. "I don't know what you're cooking but it smells delicious. You're delicious too." Unable to resist, I pulled her back into my arms for another kiss, nudging her lips open with my tongue and losing myself in her warm mouth. There was a loud ringing sound from the kitchen, and Bella giggled.

"Unless you really want a burnt dinner, you need to let me go, Edward." I released her reluctantly and watched her disappear into the kitchen. I sat down on the couch, adjusted myself quickly and swallowed down my panic.

Tonight I was going to tell Bella everything. About me and my fucked-up adolescence. About the mirror world. About Swan.

I wasn't entirely sure I could do it. The only people we'd ever told in the past were Jasper and Emmett … and Alice did a lot of the talking then. Plus both of them had known me all my life, and knew that something life-altering had happened to me. This was very, very different. If Bella's mind wasn't as open as I believed it to be, this could be the end of our relationship.

But she had to know the truth. Bella said she loved me, but until she understood this part of me, she didn't truly know who she was loving at all.

"Edward?"

I looked up in surprise. Bella was standing in front of me, looking at me with concern. "You zoned out on me there for a minute. I was just asking if you wanted to open your present now. After gifts, we can have dinner. Does that sound good to you?"

"Um … sure," I said, my nerves cranking up to the hilt now. Bella picked up the little stack of packages beside the tree and put them on the couch beside me. She sat down on the other side of the gifts, wiggling with excitement. I untied the bow and tore the wrapping paper off the first packet and saw what it was.

"Oh God," I said abruptly, my heart starting to race. I swallowed with some difficulty. For a bad moment, I thought I was going to start to cry. "Bella …" I reached for the other two gifts and unwrapped them with shaking fingers. I touched their surfaces lovingly, fearfully.

"I thought … you might want to try to draw again," she said softly. There were two boxes of pencils and a sketch book. Everything was professional artist grade, top quality. I recognized the logo from one of the finest art supply stores in San Francisco. This must have cost her a fortune …

"I d-d-don't know what to say," I stammered. "These are beautiful, just beautiful." I looked up at her in awe. "Thank you. I can't believe you remembered that I used to draw. I only mentioned it the once to you…" She blushed and looked a little furtive, and I wondered if Alice had suggested it to her. "I'm not sure if I can start drawing again, but I'd like to try. I'd like to draw you," I said thickly.

"There's another gift too, a different kind of gift," she said gravely. "But I'll show that to you in a little bit. It's more something for the two of us." I was still staring at the art supplies, my fingers itching to open the box of pencils and start sketching her. I had missed it so much. Suddenly I realized I was being rude. I put the glorious items on the table beside me and reached for the elaborate little gift bag I had brought. Esme had wrapped it for me, making the exterior as beautiful as the items inside.

"This is for you," I said, feeling embarrassed. Bella took it from my hands and untied the silver ribbons. Reaching into the bag, she pulled out a packet wrapped in tissue, which she gently pulled away. She gasped as the first, then the second, sparkling gift was revealed.

"Oh Edward!" she cried. "Oh no, these are vintage … antiques!" She looked up at me in dismay. "I can't possibly accept these; they must be family heirlooms!"

"They were my Gran's," I said with a proud smile, coming around to take them from her hands and slide them into her hair. "And now they are yours." There was a mirror over the mantelpiece, and I stood her up and steered her over there. "They look so beautiful on you." Gleaming in the warm light against her rich brown hair were two silver hair combs, set with sparkling stones. Bella was literally wringing her hands, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes.

"I can't … Edward…" I put a finger over her trembling lips and looked at her in the mirror.

"They aren't worth a fortune," I assured her. "The stones are pretty, but they aren't real. Their value comes from what they mean to our family. My Gran left them to me in her will – everybody thought it was hilarious that she left me, her oldest grandson, a set of hair combs. She wrote a little message to go along with them – she did that with every personal bequest she left for various family members. The note that came with these said 'It will be obvious when the time comes.' And she was right. Who else but you, my love?" Tears were trickling down her cheeks now, and I wiped them away with my fingers. "Please don't cry," I whispered. "They are perfect for you. The way you are perfect for me."

I pulled her back to the couch and sat her down. I took her hands in mine, my heart pounding in terror. "Bella, I want to give you something else. I don't know if you'll consider it a gift. It's something very difficult for me to tell you, but I need to share it with you." I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry as a bone. "I need to tell you about … what happened to me when I was young. The stuff that made me … the way I am now." Bella's eyes widened.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "You don't have to, you know. It can wait if you're not ready."

"I'm ready," I said. "I'm just really scared you'll think I'm nuts." Bella chuckled at that.

"I don't think so," she said. "But let me go get you a glass a wine. And one for me too. Do you like red? I have a bottle of Argentinean Malbec."

~~ - ~~

"When I was eight years old, I stepped into another world.

"I don't mean that in the philosophical sense. I mean that literally. One night when I was eight, I went through the mirror in the sitting room of our house into another world." My hands were shaking so badly that my glass of wine was visibly trembling. I took a long sip of it and handed it to Bella. She nodded encouragingly for me to go on. I took comfort in the fact that she hadn't laughed in my face yet, and plunged forward.

"I don't know where it was. I don't know how we got there or why. But it was real, Bella. Real. Not a game or a dream." _Deep breath. So far, so good._ "And for the next five years, I went to visit it a few times a week. Always at night. We always fell asleep there and then I'd wake up in my bed the next morning." I risked a glance up from my hands to her face. She was calm, her face showing nothing but compassion and reassurance. I recognized the look – it was a classic psychologist's poker face, and my heart sank. _She doesn't believe me._

"You've said 'we' a couple of times," she said softly. "Was there someone else with you there?" I nodded.

"Yes," I replied. "A girl. She was from … here as well. I never really knew how she got into the mirror world. It was impossible for us to talk about certain things there." I paused for a long moment, collecting myself. _Oh God, I don't know if I can tell her this._ "Her name was Swan." I thought I heard Bella make a little sound, but when I glanced up, she was as implacable as before. I could read nothing from her expression. "She was really special to me. You know?"

"Your first love?" Bella murmured. I nodded, looking back down at my hands. _I wish I knew what she was thinking._

"Yeah. First love, first kiss. You know how it is. We were very close." I touched the bracelet of Swan's hair around my wrist tenderly. "This is hers. It's the only thing I have left of her. My only proof that the mirror world – and Swan – ever existed."

"What happened to the mirror world?"

"One night, when we were 13, Swan and I were inside the mirror. There was an earthquake back in my home. Swan pushed me out, back into this world. She saved me, you know. Otherwise I would have been trapped inside the mirror world with the …" I shuddered violently, and decided Bella didn't need to know about the black monster quite yet. "She saved me, let's leave it at that." I felt tears fill my eyes, talking about this for the first time in I don't know how many years. "But the mirror broke in the earthquake. It broke, and I was never able to get back in again." I put my hand over my face as the tears started to slide down my cheeks. "I left Swan alone in there. And I couldn't find her again … oh God, I tried so hard to find her."

With unexpected force, Bella pulled me into her arms and pressed me against her. She held me tight as I sobbed on her shoulder, feeling the pain of that night 10 years ago come pouring out of me again. When I had regained some control, I pulled back a little and was startled to see Bella's face awash in tears as well.

"What happened after that?" she whispered.

"I landed back in my house in the middle of a serious earthquake. I watched my childhood smash to pieces – literally – in front of me when the mirror fell from the wall. I was separated from the rest of my family and scared out of my mind." Bella was trembling in my arms, and I held her closer, needing her against me. "I was only 13. I didn't think about the implications of what I was about to do until it was too late…" I sat back, pulled off my sweater and unbuttoned the sleeves of my shirt, pushing them up to my elbows.

"I lost it," I confessed, showing her the tangle of thin, white scars on my forearms. "I went batshit on the broken mirror, trying to get back to Swan. I started screaming for her. My father grabbed me … and I just blurted it all out. Everything. I was hysterical; they had to sedate me at the hospital."

"Oh God," she said faintly. The color had drained from her face, and I wondered why. _Was she caught up in the story? Or horrified by me?_

"While I was under sedation, I had a dream … that I got to see Swan one more time and say goodbye. I kissed her …" I broke off and swallowed hard. "The last thing she ever told me was to lie. So I did. I could hear my father talking to the doctor – they thought I had schizophrenia. Alice had warned me. I…I…I told them it was a dream, that I was confused." I wondered if any of this was making sense anymore. "I buried that part of myself. And then lost it altogether. I've spent the rest of my life lying to doctors … psychiatrists … my parents … everybody."

"No wonder you're still suffering from PTSD after all these years," Bella said in a choked voice. "You could never tell the truth about what happened. So you could never get the closure and healing you needed." I nodded. "This is why Alice is studying to become a psychologist, isn't it? She hopes that one day she can make you better."

"I think so," I said. "She's never said so explicitly, but I've long suspected it. Alice has been … a godsend for me. She's the only reason I'm alive today. Jasper, too. Emmett knows as well, although it's harder for him to understand because he was just a little boy when it all happened." I looked at her with my heart in my eyes. "You're the first person I've ever told this to outside of them." _And I'm really scared you won't love me anymore now that I have shared it with you._

"Oh my love," she said in a shaky voice. "I'm so glad you told me."

"Do you …" I stopped, almost too frightened to finish the question. She waited patiently beside me. "Bella, do you believe me?"

There was a long pause, and I had the horrible feeling I was going to throw up. She stood up, and I sat beside her, my head down, shoulders hunched, whole body tensed.

"Come with me," she said in an odd tone. "I can answer that question better for you upstairs."

~~ - ~~

I banged back the glass of wine when we stood up. Dutch courage. My knees were shaking as I followed her up the stairs to the upper level of the house. I had never been here before.

It was late afternoon, nearly dark. Bella stopped in front of one of the bedroom doors, opened it and gestured me in ahead of her. I took three steps into the room and stopped dead.

"Oh, wow. Is this new? Did you get this just for us?" I asked, suddenly amazed. Right in front of us was a magnificent queen-sized bed with a wrought iron frame. It was beautifully made up, with piles of comfy pillows and an old-fashioned quilt thrown across it.

"No, Edward," Bella said in a choked voice. "This is my bed. I've had it for years." I frowned, confused.

"But you said you had a twin bed and that was why I couldn't stay ..." I stopped, my voice faltering. I felt sick again. Was this her way of telling me that I had never really been welcome in her bed? And would never be welcome now that she knew what a freak I was?

Bella took a few steps up behind me and took me by the shoulders.

"No, my beloved," she said, her voice trembling with emotion. "I didn't want you to come up here until I was ready for you to see this." And she gently turned me 90 degrees so that I was facing the foot of her bed. I looked in confusion at the other side of her bedroom. It was a perfectly normal-looking room. There were some pictures on the far wall, flanking the enormous wrought iron-framed mirror hanging at the foot of her bed. The mirror was so familiar that, at first, it made no impression on me. Then I finally saw it.

"Bella. How did my mirror get into your bedroom?" I asked, utterly confused.

"Don't you see?" she replied, her voice right at my ear. "That's my mirror." I stood there, lost. She could sense my confusion and repeated herself. "That's my mirror." Another pause. "Teddy," she whispered "it's me. Swan."

I saw the floor rushing up at me. And then nothing.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: Cliffee, much? I know, guilty as charged. But things are about to start moving in leaps and bounds after this chapter as we enter the final third of the story. **

**Join us on Twilighted or Twitter … **


	17. Chapter 17

BPOV

I watched, shocked, as Edward dropped to the floor like he'd been pole-axed. I had considered a flashback likely, but this was most definitely not a flashback.

_That was a really fucking stupid thing to do, Bella._

_Kick yourself in the ass later, wouldja? You have a man down here. _

I fell to my hands and knees beside him. He wasn't twitching or showing any outward signs of a flashback. I rolled him on to his side into a recovery position and put a pillow under his head. When I was sure he was safe, I flew to the bathroom to wet a washcloth. I wiped his forehead; a moment later, he let out a little groan and stirred.

"Edward?" I said, trying to stay calm. "You fainted on the floor of my bedroom. You're okay, but it's best if you just stay lying down right now."

"Don't feel good," he mumbled. I pressed the cold cloth into his hands and moved the garbage can closer to his head. We sat there for a long while. I rubbed his shoulders, berating myself for not breaking it to him differently, for not easing him into it, for telling him too soon, for telling him before dinner.

_Have done. You did what you thought was best._

Edward's hand drifted upward and took mine. He brought my fingers down and pressed them against his face.

"Swan," he whispered in the grey twilight of my room. I could feel his heart rate accelerating, and his hand started to go slick with sweat. The fainting had been a combination of shock, anxiety and alcohol on an empty stomach.

Now the mother of all flashbacks was coming.

I took one of his hands and crouched over him, as if I could shield Edward from the assault that was about to take place in his mind. He clenched his jaw, and a low whine sounded deep in his throat. His grip on my hand tightened. I caught his chin in my hand, tipped his face up to mine. His brow was furrowed, every ounce of his strength channeled into holding it in.

"Let it out, my love" I whispered. "I'm here. Just let it out." Doubt flashed in his slitted eyes when I said that, and I knew that what I was asking must be near-impossible for someone who had spent 10 years training himself to be silent in moments like this. Then his eyes rolled back in his head, and the trembling started.

EPOV

"_Let it out, my love. I'm here. Just let it out."_

Of all the things she could ask of me …

I could feel the flashback coming, and it was massive. How could it not be after this much exposure? It was bearing down like a freight train, and I was afraid it would rip my brain to shreds when it arrived. Everything I knew taught me to contain it within myself.

But that thought was obliterated a second later. The dam burst, and everything flooded into my mind. _Everything._

It started with a hazy, jumpy image of my Gran holding a little baby wrapped in a blue blanket with a wooden spoon in its mouth. _Alice?_ I wondered fleetingly, knowing that was impossible since Gran had died the night Alice was born. The pictures started to go faster, and that one was swept away in the flood.

My first sight of Swan, sitting on the floor, far away on the other side of the mirror. The black monster looming over her that first night while she screamed in fear. Swan and I racing on the hill. The first time she fell into the stream in the meadow. Falling asleep on the grass beside her. Holding her hand. Every memory, every moment … until it all came crashing down around us. Flying through the mirror, watching Swan vanish from sight as I was thrust into the hell of the earthquake. Kissing her goodbye.

That wasn't the worst my mind could conjure up though. Those were memories. Next came the nightmares, the terrible fantasies of what had happened that night after I had been pushed back into my own world.

Far away, I could hear someone screaming.

_I left Swan alone with the black monster._

In my dreams, she always died, badly. Shrieking my name. There was always so much blood. And no matter how hard I tried, I could never wake up before the black monster began to feed on her corpse.

_It was my fault. I killed her. I deserve this._

Then came the slippery mess of images from the next 10 years of my dismal life. The time my father had gotten down on his knees in tears, begging me to tell him what had really happened that night. Sobbing and flailing as the hypnotist tried to put me into a trance, frantic at having my control taken away. Lying awake at night hearing my mother crying because she didn't understand what had gone wrong with her oldest son.

_Everything, Edward. Tonight, you see everything._

The screams I heard from far off in the distance had turned into wrenching sobs, and I wondered vaguely where they were coming from. I could feel warmth at my back, and arms holding me tight. Bella's voice.

Every vulgar taunt in the hallway in high school (_Cullen, you crazy fuck, do you even know what pussy looks like?). _Emmett, his face contorted with rage and shame, standing over me behind the gym at school after saving me from yet another beating, his voice ringing furiously in my ears. _I should have let them kick your pansy ass, you loser! I hate that you're my brother! _He had apologized profusely afterward, saying he had lost it in the heat of the fight, but I knew better.

Throwing Jasper against the wall of my bedroom, then smashing my fist into his face the day he asked my permission to take Alice out on date. Not because I didn't want my best friend dating my sister – Alice had known for years that they would end up together, and they were obviously meant for one another. No, I punched my best friend because I was so sickeningly jealous of him and the love he would find with Alice. Love that seemed forever denied me because I was utterly fucked up.

Then the worst memory of them all, the one I kept pushed as far back in the recesses of my mind as possible … Alice breaking down a solid wooden bathroom door with her bare, bleeding hands and tearing the knife out of my grasp just as it started slicing through my wrist in my one and only suicide attempt.

_Please, no more._

It was like someone switched off a television. My mind was suddenly quiet. The images ceased. Far away, I could feel the warmth of someone holding me, whispering my name. Then one last image. Not a memory, for I knew this had never happened before. I wondered if this is what it felt like when Alice had a vision of what was yet to come.

Kneeling on the hill in the mirror world, the two moons above. Rising to look up into the face of a woman like no woman I'd ever seen before. With red hair cascading down her back. And eyes that were so shockingly familiar that for a moment, I couldn't breathe.

And then as quickly as it appeared, the image was gone.

It was over.

~~ - ~~

Awareness slowly seeped back into my body. I was tired, but not as overwhelmingly exhausted as I usually felt after a flashback.

I could feel a warm hand rubbing softly on my arm. It felt good.

I realized that my throat was very sore and bone dry. I licked my lips, trying to work some spit up in my mouth. I realized that my tongue and mouth weren't injured … no bites, no bleeding. Just dry. I couldn't remember the last flashback I'd had where I hadn't bitten my lip to shreds.

A warm body pressed into mine from behind. Bella. She was humming tunelessly as she stroked my arm. Every now and then, she would murmur something comforting, then return to her crooning.

I tried to open my eyes; they were sticky and didn't want to cooperate. I managed to open one, but it only came to half-mast and stopped. _Maybe I have a black eye?_ I didn't remember hitting anything earlier when I fell. I managed to get the other one open and looked around blearily.

Floor. There was a piece of furniture beside me … a bed. And beyond it … the mirror.

"Bella," I whispered, but only a whistling croak came out. The hand on my arm stopped, and she leaned over me with a tremulous smile. Something cold was pressed into my hands. Water bottle. I sipped greedily, trying to relieve the discomfort. I reached up to wipe my lips and came away with my hand covered in tears and snot. Bella wiped me clean and tossed the tissue into an overflowing wastebasket nearby.

"Bella, what happened to me?" I tried to ask, but my voice was a hoarse rasp.

"You had a flashback," she said. I rolled on to my back and sat up carefully, propping myself against the side of the bed. "This one was different than others you've had."

"I didn't hurt myself as much as I usually do," I said. Bella nodded, pushing my hair away from my face.

"You let things out more this time. You … screamed a lot. Cried. Said stuff." I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that, but I let it go for now. Right now, we had more important things to talk about. Finally.

"I want to talk more," I said. "But I need to lie down. Help me up to the bed?"

~~ - ~~

BPOV

Edward crawled across the bed and slumped down with an audible sigh. I brought him fresh water, turned down the lights and lit the row of pillar candles on my dresser. Then I lay beside him. For a long time, we didn't talk. We just lay side by side, holding hands, looking at one another. His eyes were swollen from the crying, but they were still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Teddy's eyes.

He let out a long, trembling sigh and asked the one question I dreaded hearing.

"How long have you known, Bella?"

_Oh God, what if he's angry at me?_ But there was no point in lying, not now, not when we had just found one another again.

"Suspected? For a while now. Since that night at Jupiter's." I smiled, remembering that amazing, awkward, wonderful first kiss in the parking lot. "But known for sure? Since just after Thanksgiving. Only a few weeks." I paused, not wanting to cause more trouble. "I think Alice has known longer."

Emotions flickered across his face – anger, annoyance, frustration. Then they faded, leaving only resignation.

"Are you terribly angry with me?" I asked fearfully. He looked up in surprise, his eyes soft.

"God, no," he said, reaching over to cup my cheek in his hand. "I've lived with my illness for 10 years, Bella. I know my limitations. So does Alice. And, it would seem, you as well." He ran his fingers slowly over my jaw and down my neck, making me shiver. "After 10 years of searching and waiting and hoping, I'm not going to get worked up over a few extra weeks of being kept out of the loop." I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, and put my hand over his. We lay there, connected.

"I need to know something," he said quietly. "I need to know what happened to you the night of the earthquake. After you pushed me back into this world. It's haunted me all these years that I left you in there with that … thing. I need to know what it did to you. The black monster." I looked at him in surprise.

"Nothing," I said. "Shra did nothing. Except lead me to believe you were dead, of course." Edward's jaw sagged open comically; if it hadn't been such an intense moment, I probably would have laughed at his surprise.

"It has a name? The black monster has a _name_? How do you know this?"

"I'll tell you more about that later," I promised. "One story at a time…"

~~ - ~~

_Ten years earlier_

"_GO!" I screamed and pushed him through the mirror with more strength than I thought I possessed. Teddy went flying backward through the mirror, screaming and trying to grab my hand. Through the mirror, I could see him sitting on the floor of a room, bits of plaster falling into his hair. He opened his mouth and screamed something that I couldn't hear._

_Another horrific rattle filled the air, followed by a groaning sound of overstressed metal. The frame hanging in the air in front of me slid straight down, and fell away. There was a terrible shattering sound, then the entire thing vanished. Like it had never existed._

_The silence was deafening. I swung frantically around to ensure my mirror was still there – it was, suspended impossibly in the air on the far side of the hill, just like it always was. _

_Teddy's mirror was gone. Broken. Probably beyond repair. Perhaps his entire house had collapsed, with him in it. _

_I'll never see him again._

_I killed him._

_I wanted to scream, cry, throw up. Instead, I stood there, numb, my 13-year-old body seething with panic. Sudden movement in my peripheral vision made me start violently, a scream leaping out of my throat. It was the black monster; I had forgotten it was there, watching. I looked at it … then looked again._

_It looked different. Less frightening than before. I didn't understand that. _

"_How have you enjoyed your first taste of death, Isabella Swan?" it croaked at me with a vulpine smile. "Get used to it. You will know more. In the end, we will have only each other." My mouth worked soundlessly at these horrifying, cryptic words. "But I have much work tonight. Ripe pickings. We will see one another again, woman-child." And it turned on itself and bounded off into the night. _

_I stood there, staring after it. I took a few steps, collapsed on the grass and began to scream. _

~~ - ~~

"I cried for hours. When I woke up, I was back in bed, just like always," I said softly. "And my mirror was just a mirror again. I never got back in again or seen it behave as anything other than a regular mirror since."

Edward let out a shaky sigh and pulled me into his embrace. I put my head on his chest. "I lived the last 10 years thinking it had … eaten you … in there," he said in a trembling voice. "Violated you in some dreadful way. I had the worst dreams about it." I put my arm around his body, and we pressed together in comfort. After a few moments, I pulled back a little.

"Wait … I forgot something. Something strange that happened after you went back through the mirror but before I woke up at home. It was … like a dream … but not like a dream. You were there." Edward's face lit up with recognition. "Did you have it too?"

"Yes! It happened to me while I was in the hospital. I was under sedation, and never knew if it was a dream or not. We were together, and you had been crying." He ran his thumb across my lips. "I … I kissed you in that dream. It felt so real." Edward looked shy for a moment. "It was my first kiss." I felt his body stir against mine, and my face heated up.

"Me too," I said softly. Edward's hand came around to my chin and pulled me closer to his mouth, then he captured my lips with his. It was a long, sweet kiss that made my toes curl. "You're even better at it now than you were then," I managed to gasp when we broke apart. Edward smiled crookedly, making me want him even more. "But I wish you had just told me your _name_ in that dream," I said, poking him. "It would have saved me a lot of years of thinking you were dead."

"You thought I was dead?" he asked, his head coming up off the pillow. "Really?"

"Yes." I lay my head back down on his chest and explained about finding the obituary for 13-year-old Theodore Shepherd. "I even found his grave, visited it, left flowers. I used to sit and talk to you there," I said wistfully. "The hardest part was ..."

"… having no one to talk to about it," finished Edward. "That was the worst." I opened my mouth to tell him that I did have someone to talk to about it, when I heard his stomach growl very loudly. I lifted my head off his chest and squinted at the clock. Nearly 8:30 and neither of us had eaten.

"I ruined dinner, didn't I?" he groaned. I smiled and started scrambling out of bed.

"I don't think so," I said, giving him a quick kiss. "Give me a few minutes. Stay right here."

~~ - ~~

EPOV

An hour and a half later, I was lying on the floor, about to feed Bella dessert. For an evening so full of angst, it had turned … magical.

Bella had made two or three trips up and down the stairs, each time returning with more wonderful things. I lay a blanket on the floor and lit more candles. Bella brought up a plate with slices of carved roast beef, still a tiny bit warm after spending a couple of hours resting on the counter. She heated up scalloped potatoes in the microwave and produced a tossed salad from the fridge. Rescued the bottle of wine we had abandoned in the living room. And gave the now rock-hard Yorkshire pudding a decent burial in the compost container.

"A small price to pay for our evening," she said with a smile. "Although I am a little sad. The pudding did turn out well for a change." Dessert turned out to be some kind of sticky chocolate upside-down cake with a sinfully rich mocha sauce. Everything was homemade and delicious.

I spooned up a bit of the cake and held it out to Bella, who smiled and leaned forward. She opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around the spoon, closing her eyes with pleasure. Her pink lips slid very slowly off the tip of the spoon, tongue flicking out to sweep up the last crumbs. Then she opened her eyes and looked up at me through her lashes.

The spoon was dangling limply between my fingers. My eyes were the size of saucers, I could barely breathe, and I was glad I was lying on my stomach because I had gone from nothing to full-blown erection in a matter of seconds.

"Want some, Edward?" she asked with smile. I nodded dumbly. Bella dug her spoon into the cake and slipped it into my mouth. "Ooops," she said very innocently as a drip of sauce landed on my chin. "Let me get that for you." She leaned close, her scent surrounding me as she licked the chocolate off my chin. She started to pull back, but I put my hand on the back of her head to keep her from slipping away.

"Not so fast," I said, dipping my finger into the sauce. I held it up to her lips and shivered with pleasure as she licked the length of my finger, then sucked it into her mouth. She tugged deliciously on my finger, the sensations shooting right down to my aching penis and making me catch my breath. I slowly pulled back on my finger, leading her over to my mouth. When she was close enough, I caught her lips with mine. She tasted of chocolate, and she moaned as I eased my tongue into her mouth.

"Mmmmm," I finally murmured against her lips when we broke apart. "You taste good."

"So do you," she replied breathlessly. We lay there, nose to nose, looking at one another for a long time.

She had been my Swan. And now she was my Bella.

_We belonged together. We always had._

"I want to go to bed now," I whispered. Bella's face immediately changed, her forehead wrinkling in concern.

"You must be exhausted. Come, get up into bed. I'll clean this stuff up. You just …" She made as if to get up, and put my finger against her beautiful mouth.

"You misunderstand," I said in a shaky voice. "I want to go to bed … and make love to you." Her eyes went wide. "If you'll have me," I added awkwardly. For a moment, she didn't answer and I felt uneasy.

"I would have you," she finally said. And smiled.

~~ - ~~

I stripped down to my shorts and washed up in the bathroom. There was a brand-new toothbrush in the medicine chest for me to use.

I went back into Bella's room while she stacked the dishes in the sink dowstairs. I stood beside the mirror at the end of the bed, my fingers tracing the wrought iron design. It wasn't exactly the same as mine … I could see small differences in the metal work. But both pieces were clearly handmade by the same artisan. I wondered who it was.

Bella came upstairs and disappeared into the bathroom to freshen up. I stayed where I was, lost in thought. I still couldn't believe what had happened here tonight. Or what was about to happen.

I was nervous, of course. I was 24 years old and about to lose my virginity. But I wasn't scared anymore. And for the first time in my life, I was comfortable enough with myself to be able to give this part of me to another person. I was thinking about how monumental that was when I heard a little sound behind me. I looked up and saw Bella in the mirror. My breath caught, and I could feel my whole body reacting to what I saw.

She was standing in the doorway, blushing as my eyes widened. Her hair floated around her body, falling all the way down to her knees. Her white skin gleamed in the candlelight. She wore nothing at all save the living garment of her glorious hair. I drank her in, frightened and wildly aroused at the same time.

"Come," she said, holding out her hand. I turned away from the mirror and walked to the edge of the bed where she was waiting for me.

"You are the most beautiful thing in the world," I breathed, skimming my hands down her sides to her full hips. Very gently, I lifted and laid her on the bed, then lay down beside her. The whole room was charged with electricity. With magic.

I kissed her hungrily, wanting her so bad but not wanting to rush things either. I let my mouth linger on hers, then slowly slid down to explore the line of her jaw, the hollow of her throat. Bella hummed with pleasure beneath me, her hands ghosting over my shoulders and back, raising goose bumps wherever they touched. They slid up my neck and plunged into my hair, her fingers rubbing and scraping over my scalp.

"Oh God," I moaned, feeling myself getting impossibly harder. "It feels so good when you do that." Bella didn't answer, just gave my head a push downward. I ran my lips over her tight, hard nipples, giving them little touches with my tongue until she started to roll her head on the pillows above me. Then I took one and then the other into my mouth and suckled on them.

Bella was panting when she finally pulled away from me, her peaks pink and swollen. She let her hand trail over my chest and down my body until she reached the bulge in my shorts. Bella's fingers ran lightly up and down my straining shaft through the fabric of my underwear. Then she carefully eased the waistband over my penis and pushed them down off my legs with her feet. I couldn't stop from crying out when her fingers wrapped around me. Still, I reached down and caught her hand.

"That feels so good, but please don't," I begged. "I want this to be good for you. And I'm afraid if you love me too much before … that I won't be able to please you." Bella released my erection and shifted her body, spreading her legs apart so that I slid neatly in between them.

"It is impossible for you not to please me," she said, planting soft kisses across my forehead. "Having you here with me, in my arms, is pure pleasure. But the first time is for you, beloved. I have already had mine. Now all I want is for you to know joy and love for your first time."

"But I want you to …" It was her turn to lay a finger across my lips.

"I know. But there is time enough, my love." Bella smiled awkwardly. "Shall we get the business over with first?" I looked at her, puzzled. "I'm on the pill. And I went to the doctor last month for my annual check-up, and I'm … you know … free of any sexually transmitted diseases."

"Oh," I said lamely, feeling my face redden. I hadn't thought of that. "Um … me too, I guess." Bella laughed softly, her fingers drifting over the back of my neck. She pulled me down for another kiss, then another. Without my realizing it, she maneuvered her body down a little bit and tipped her hips up slightly. I was rubbing lightly against her thigh, then suddenly I felt the tip of my penis touch her warm wetness. I gasped, torn between pulling away (which seemed the gentlemanly thing to do) and thrusting forward (which my entire lower body was screaming at me to do immediately, if not sooner).

"I … um … ah … are you … um … ready?" I stuttered.

"More than," Bella whispered. She reached down between us and took my aching, twitching penis in her hand and guided me very gently to her opening. She positioned me just inside her, then pulled her hand away.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed slowly into her.

_Warm. Wet. Tight. So … good._

"Oh …" I breathed softly. It felt like a puzzle that I had been trying to solve for a very long time had suddenly clicked into place. For the first time in years, everything made sense. Bella watched my face closely and then smiled, seeing the pleasure flooding my features.

"OK, baby. I'm going to move now. You move too." And with that, she rolled her hips upward, pushing me further inside her body. The urge to thrust was overwhelming now, so I pulled out a bit and slid back in. The sensation of my hard length moving out and then back into her was incredible. Bella felt like warm, wet velvet on the inside. Every inch of her gripped me tightly, squeezing my wildly excited penis. I moaned, understanding now why she had said the first time was just for me.

"You feel … so good," I panted, leaning forward on my arms to kiss her. The new angle nearly sent me through the roof, and I had to stop moving for a moment to regain what little control I had. "Love you so much."

"I love you too," she whispered. I thrust into her a little harder, and my eyes rolled back up into my head. After a few more minutes of rocking back and forth inside her, everything began to speed up inside my body, and my efforts to hold the sensations back were rapidly failing.

"I … I … oh Bella … oh God …" The rush of heat in my groin told me that I was past my endurance, and I grit my teeth as every muscle in my body clenched. "Going to come … so … hard … OH!" I convulsed with pleasure as my orgasm exploded through me. I pushed into her hard as the release streamed out of me. My vision doubled for a moment, then came back together. I looked into Bella's eyes hazily, then snapped back to attention when I saw the tears trickling down her cheeks.

"Oh my God, I hurt you! What did I do wrong?" I cried and, oddly enough, Bella started to laugh and cry at the same time. "What?"

"You did nothing wrong, Edward," she said shakily. "That was wonderful. You were wonderful. I'm just so happy. You were perfect." I frowned in confusion, caressing her face and leaning on my forearms.

"But you didn't …" She looked at me expectantly, and I blushed. "You didn't … uh …. come," I managed to stammer.

"Next time," she whispered, pulled me down against her. I felt my softened penis slip out of her body, followed by a rush of warm wetness. _That's me, _I thought in wonder. _That's my stuff inside Bella. I made love to Bella._ I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, feeling an unmanly lump in my throat.

"I love you," I choked out, cradling her. "I love you." I repeated it several more times, my body shaking with emotion.

"Shhhh," she said, soothing me. "I love you too. So much." We lay wrapped in the bower of her hair, murmuring to one another until we both drifted off to sleep.

~~ - ~~

I woke up a few hours later, hot and sweaty from sleeping plastered against Bella. I slipped out of bed, went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. After a few minutes, I wandered back to the bedroom and found Bella propped up in bed on one elbow. She was still naked, and the sheets had slid down to her waist. One look at her and my penis stiffened.

"Well, hello there," Bella said with a sultry smile, holding her arms to me.

This time was for her.

I pushed her back on the pillows and straddled her lithe body. I spent the next several minutes running my fingers over her curves and worshipping her with my lips. I kissed a trail all the way down to her navel, tickling it with my tongue and making her laugh. Then I sat back on my heels, and pushed her thighs apart with my hands.

Bella caught her breath as I slipped through her curls. I nudged one finger into her opening. She was dripping wet, which made my erection twitch with excitement. I fluttered my fingers up and down her folds until I found the little nub I was searching for. Bella arched her back, moaning with desire. I rubbed gently around the sensitive spot, studying her reactions to see what felt best and what seemed to be too much. After a few minutes, her hips start to move and she began to rub herself more insistently against my fingers. Her eyes were clamped shut, and her panting became more frantic. Judging all the stars to be aligned, I pulled my hand away from her.

"Oh God, Edward, don't stop!" Bella flailed at me, but I ducked out the way and came swiftly up her body. Taking her in my arms, I settled between her thighs. Bella moaned hungrily, took hold of my ass and shoved me forward into her wetness.

"Uhnnn," she groaned as I filled her up. "Fuck me, Edward. Just fuck me. Hard."

I didn't need a whole lot more direction. I braced myself on my forearms and started thrusting hard into her. The feeling was incredible. Bella was writhing beneath me, her hips coming up to meet mine with every stroke. It was rough, choppy and fantastic.

Bella's cries got louder and louder as I buried myself in her. She ground hard against me, her body shaking. I could feel my own orgasm come boiling up inside my body. Everything intensified, and Bella's face lit up, becoming so transcendently beautiful that I could barely breathe. There was light building up behind my eyes, but nothing else mattered except the explosion of ecstasy that was about to grip my body and the body of the woman I loved.

Suddenly, I felt Bella's muscles squeeze hard against my length; she caught her breath and screamed in pleasure. The sight and feeling of her climax sent me hurtling into mine, and I cried out helplessly as my seed spilled into her body.

The light that had been building up behind my eyes and around Bella's head exploded. It spread down through our bodies, sending another wave of pleasure rippling through both of us. I felt Bella orgasm around me again, just as intensely as the first time. The light shot through both of us and vanished.

We were frozen, staring at each other. I didn't know a whole lot about sex, but I was certain that was not generally part of the experience. Bella's eyes broke from mine and looked over my shoulder, nearly bugging out of her head. I turned to look.

Light and sparks covered the mirror's surface, skating across it. The light bounced on top of the silvery mirror for several seconds, then abruptly vanished into the mirror with a small swoosh. Our eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness.

Bella, having the better view, saw it first.

A faint white glow from deep inside the mirror. That, after a moment, was slowly joined by a blue light.

The second moon had just risen.

We could see inside the mirror again.

**A/N: Work is a bit frantic right now, so it took a little longer than usual to get this published. Thanks for your patience. That said, I have once again left you with a cliffhanger. I have a monster deadline next week, so please bear with me as I show my employer the love.**

**This was a big chapter. Edward got his v-card stamped, and we know now that Bella's never been back into the mirror world since the earthquake. However, it looks that might change in the next little while.**

**Many people thought Edward would be upset that Bella and Alice didn't tell him right away about their connection. I didn't take that road in this chapter for a couple of reasons. First, his overwhelming sense of well-being upon finding Swan again is first and foremost in his mind. And second, he's been profoundly unwell for nearly 10 years. Edward is used to being sheltered and "managed" by his family via Alice. This would not be an unfamiliar behavior. **

**Read and review … make sure to give Teddy props for his very first time. ;-)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry this took so long … RL has been demanding. Hugs and kisses to algonquinrt and Ms Kathy for helping me find my way through this one. And to the girls on Twitter, without whom, I would end up in a service center instead of a rest stop. **

**This is a very big plot chapter in which the biggest question of this story is answered, but several more are raised. And Bella and Carlisle have a most interesting conversation on the back porch ...**

~~ - ~~

EPOV

There was a moment of silence as the two of us stared at the mirror. Then I hastily withdrew from Bella, and the two of us scrambled out of bed. I retrieved my shorts from the tangle of bed sheets, and Bella pulled on a robe.

We stepped in front of the mirror. And for the first time in 10 years, we saw the lost world of our childhood.

Nothing had changed.

The hill. The grass. The meadow. And the forest beyond. It was all the same. We wouldn't see the moons; our vantage point outside the mirror had never allowed for that. There was nothing moving inside the mirror – no people, no black monsters, nothing.

I knew what we were both thinking. I raised my hand, just as I had so many years ago, and brought my knuckles down to the surface of the glass. There was a light tapping sound as they touched.

"Not open," I said quietly.

"Not yet, anyway," replied Bella. We were silent for a long while, just drinking it all in. I reached for her hand and held it. I don't know how long passed until I heard Bella smothering a yawn. "I'm afraid to go back to sleep," she confessed, "for fear it won't be back again tomorrow night."

"I know," I said. "I guess we just have to trust it will be." I pulled her against me, letting her rest her sleepy head on my shoulder. Then I carefully lifted her up and laid her down on the bed, her head closest to the mirror. I moved the pillows down and wrapped the quilt around us. Now we can watch until we fall asleep."

Bella went quickly.

I stayed up for a long time, just watching. The light of the white moon faded as it slowly set behind the trees, out of my sight, in the magical world of the mirror. But the blue moon was still shining when I drifted off to sleep beside the woman who had once been Swan.

~~ - ~~

When I awoke, the sun was shining feebly in the window, and the clock informed me it was just after 10:30 a.m. Not unexpectedly, the mirror was quiescent. I rolled over to find Bella awake beside me. She was lying there quietly, looking at me with her fathomless brown eyes. I smiled, feeling like my heart was going to spill right out of my chest.

"Good morning," I whispered. "Watching me sleep?"

"I might have been," she said, blushing. "I find that I don't want to take my eyes off you now that I've finally found you again." I felt my cheeks go hot at that … and then suddenly, a sensation of dread swept over me. "What's wrong?" she asked, seeing my expression change.

"You're supposed to leave today … drive to Phoenix for Christmas," I said. I could feel a strange panic rising up in my throat. "I … I …I don't want to be separated from you." Bella frowned for a moment, and the panic seemed to treble. Perhaps she didn't feel the same imperative. But how could that _be_?

"Then we'd both better get cleaned up and dressed," she said.

"Where are we going?" I asked nervously. Bella looked at me like I was nuts.

"To your parents' house, of course. To explain to them why you're coming to Arizona for Christmas with me." My eyes widened in shock.

"Are you serious?" I managed to sputter.

"I am," she said, sliding out of bed and heading for the bathroom. "There's someone you really need to talk to in Arizona."

~~ - ~~

BPOV

Edward drove across the bridge into the city in near silence. I could see him wrestling with everything that had happened in the last 12 hours or so; I imagine he felt as overwhelmed as I did.

As soon as I had woken up this morning, I had known that nothing in the world could keep us apart right now. Not Christmas, not family obligations … nothing. We had been separated from one another for 10 years. That stopped now. Right now. This second.

_He needs to hear it the same way I did. _

Which is how we ended up pulling into the Cullen family home at lunch time on December 20 to tell the whole family that Edward was about to spend his first Christmas away from home. Judging by the way he was white-knuckling the steering wheel, I had the feeling this might not go over well.

His parents lived in an elegant house in Russian Hill, one of the nicer neighborhoods in San Francisco. The house smelled of pine; Edward's mother had decorated beautifully with fresh greenery. We were warmly welcomed, and I could see why Edward would want to spend the holidays here.

The family was gathered in the sitting room, everyone laughing and joking before they sat down for lunch. Even though I knew it was here, it still knocked the breath of me to see the mirror hanging on the wall when we walked in the room. A perfect match to mine.

I saw Edward's eyes seek out Alice as soon as he entered the room. If a communication of any kind passed between them, I couldn't detect it. But the result was that Edward took my hand, turned to his parents and immediately blurted "Mom, Dad … I've decided to go to Phoenix with Bella for Christmas."

There was total silence in the room, and every eye turned to us. I went scarlet and wished for the floor to swallow me up. _Bella Higginbotham, aka the Girlfriend Who Ruined the Cullen Christmas._

"HA!" shouted Emmett, turning on Jasper. "That's $20 you owe me." Jasper looked disgustedly at Edward and dug out his wallet, flinging a bill in Emmett's direction. Carlisle and Esme, far from looking upset, smiled at each other. Alice looked hurt.

"You bet against me, Jazz? Are you nuts?"

"I thought for sure he would chicken out," said Jasper defensively.

"You didn't see him making out with her on the couch that time!" replied Emmett. Instant humiliation. Alice had a smile on her face like she'd won the Irish Sweepstakes.

"See here now," Edward finally said, looking vaguely offended. "You were _betting_ on whether I'd go to Bella's for Christmas? Are you guys for real?" A loud squabble of voices broke out, and I felt Edward steer me over to a couch and sit me down before I fell down.

_Definitely not the reaction I was expecting._

~~ - ~~

We stayed for lunch at the Cullen house, and decided to leave for Phoenix in early evening. If we split shifts and drove overnight, we'd probably be there in time for brunch.

At the end of lunch, I got up to help tidy up. But before I could start clearing the table, Carlisle stood at the head of the table and said something unexpected.

"Bella, I'd like to talk to you in private, please." And he gestured toward the back porch. Edward's eyes nearly fell out of his head; Emmett and Jasper immediately "ooooh'd" like I'd been called to the principal's office.

"The sex talk! She's getting the sex talk!" Emmett was squealing like a girl, and I rather wished Rosalie was here to kick him under the table like she normally would. (Rose had gone home to her family for the holidays.) I followed Carlisle out on to the back porch, and prepared for my humiliation. He looked as nervous as I felt, which made me feel only marginally better.

"Bella," he said, then fell silent again. He opened his mouth once or twice, but closed it again without saying anything. I looked at him, bewildered.

"Please Mr. Cullen …"

"Carlisle."

"Please Carlisle … you can talk to me about anything. Especially if it has to do with your son. I have nothing to hide." He looked at me strangely for a moment, then drew a deep breath.

"I know, Bella. But Edward has felt … compelled … all his life to hide things. Things that maybe he thought no one else would believe." It took everything I had not to let the shock show on my face. At no point had Edward ever entertained the possibility that his parents might have believed him. Carlisle leaned against the porch rail, fiddling with a string of Christmas lights that Esme had draped there.

"I can't ask you to betray his confidences, Bella."

"And I wouldn't," I noted. Carlisle nodded.

"But I want to ask you this: Has my son told you about the earthquake?" I nodded cautiously. "Did he tell you … what happened to him that night?"

"Yes," I replied … it was true, after all. More silence.

"Did he tell you what really happened that night? Not the story he tells to his psychiatrists or to me or to his mother. But what _really_ happened?"

"He has told me everything," I hedged. Carlisle was quiet for so long that I started to feel uncomfortable. Then he turned his face to me, the weak wintery sunshine catching in his golden hair that was now turning silver. My heart turned over in my chest when I saw the tears on his face.

"Bella," he said, then paused, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Bella … are you … Swan?" My face must have reflected my utter astonishment, and he hastened to explain. "He kept saying that name over and over after the earthquake … that he had to find Swan, had to get back to her. That he loved her. Then after, even though he denied Swan was real … I watched my son grieve and change and turn into a stranger. He lost something that night, Bella. He lost _someone_.

"Until you came along, I'd given up hope that Edward would ever recover. And now, little by little, you've been bringing him back to life." Without a word, Carlisle handed me a clean handkerchief since tears were now pouring down my face. "Maybe none of it was real. Maybe I'm just as susceptible to a runaway imagination as my oldest son was. But to me, you'll always be the Swan he was calling for that night. The girl he mourned. And the woman who makes him complete."

I didn't know what to say that wouldn't betray Edward. But I also couldn't leave this monumental conversation without giving Carlisle some reassurance that his trust was appropriately placed.

"'And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.'" I whispered. "John 8:32." I looked up at him, my face wet with tears. "John sure as hell nailed that one."

And Edward's father smiled.

EPOV

We left San Francisco around 7 p.m., after the worst of the rush hour traffic was over. Most of the students were gone, and lots of people had already vacated the city for Christmas vacation. At my insistence, we took the Volvo … I didn't think Bella's Hyundai was up for the trip. Between the gifts for Bella's family and our bit of luggage, the trunk and back seat were full.

Bella insisted on driving the first shift, urging me to get some sleep. I didn't think I was that tired … except that after closing my eyes for a few moments, I woke up and discovered we were in the middle of nowhere.

"Where are we?" I mumbled sleepily as I realized Bella was pulling off at a rest stop.

"The nearest city is Bakersfield, about 45 minutes that way," she said, gesturing into the night. We pulled into a 24-hour burger joint, used the facilities, and grabbed drinks and snacks. We were back on the road in less than 20 minutes.

Bella rolled into a ball on her side in the passenger seat, facing me and drifted off to sleep in minutes. For the most part, I kept my eyes on the road as we barreled down the I-5 through the night, heading toward Los Angeles. But I couldn't resist sneaking peeks at her every now and then, her grave, sweet face briefly unguarded in sleep.

_My Swan. My Bella._

~~ - ~~

We stopped on the I-10 just outside of Quartzsite, Arizona, to watch the sunrise. Bella found a scenic lookout and pulled off in the chilly pre-dawn light. We wrapped up in a blanket she had brought along for the car and, sitting on an outcropping of red rock, we watched the sun rise over the desert.

As the world around us turned to soft pinks, oranges and yellows, Bella looked over at me. I reached up a hand to cup her cheek, and she leaned into my palm. It was cold, windy and the rock was uncomfortable.

I had never been so happy in all my life.

~~ - ~~

I drove the last stretch of highway to Phoenix then on to Scottsdale. We stopped at an IHOP to freshen up and enjoy a short stack. Then we drove on to her grandfather's small house in a nearby retirement community.

I watched Bella's demeanor change even as we approached the little cottage. Her steps quickened, and her shoulders relaxed. I had spent a lifetime just watching other people live while I hung back – I could tell that this was a place where Bella was happy and comfortable.

She tapped on the door then pushed it open, calling out inside. A friendly, middle-aged woman immediately appeared.

"Bella, honey, how are you?" The lady gave Bella a warm hug and a smile. "It's so good to see you. Your grandfather is excited that you've come to visit." She extended a hand to me. "I'm Helen, Jack's caregiver."

"Edward Cullen," I said. Suddenly, an irate voice called from inside the house.

"Helen, I've told you before not to let the riff-raff in! Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me around here?" I darted a look at Bella and was surprised to see her grinning widely.

"He's in rare form today," sighed Helen. "Go on in." I followed Bella into the little house, through the kitchen and on to the living room.

Her grandfather sat in a worn and sprung leather club chair, his cane leaning against the arm of it. He was completely bald, with a youthful face. His blue eyes looked odd, and there was scarring around them. I realized both his eyes were prostheses.

"Hi Grandpa," Bella said, flinging her arms around the old man's neck and hugging him fiercely. His gnarled fingers stroked her long hair, and I could see a beatific smile on his face. The connection between them was so evident. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm not well," he said in a very grave tone of voice. "She beats me, you know." He gestured to the doorway where Helen stood. Both Helen and Bella cracked up.

"Family joke," supplied Bella. I grinned weakly.

"Someone you want to introduce me to, Bella?"

"Grandpa, I'd like you meet my boyfriend, Edward. Edward, this is my grandfather, Jack Higginbotham." Her grandfather stood with the help of his cane and reached out a hand, which I took. His grip was rugged and firm.

"Mr. Higginbotham, it's a pleasure to meet you. Bella has told me so much about you." Her grandfather lingered over our handshake, his brow furrowing.

"What did you say your name was, son?"

"Edward. Edward Cullen," I repeated a little more loudly, wondering if he was slightly deaf. For a moment, he didn't move, didn't release my hand, and I started to get nervous.

"You're Mary's boy," he said suddenly. "No. No, too young. Her grandson." I looked at him in amazement. "You're Mary Platt's grandson."

"Mary Evenson," I corrected automatically. "But she was born Mary Platt. Yes, she was my Gran." There was total silence in the room. "Sir … how do you know my Gran?"

"She was the love of my life," he replied.

~~ - ~~

The silence that followed that statement was electric. Helen sensed something was up when she came in from the kitchen because she put down a teapot and some mugs, then quietly told Jack that she'd be in her room.

I was tired and over-caffeinated. My mind started churning and darting down insane paths.

_What if this man is really MY grandfather too. Did people do stuff like that back then? Are Bella and I related? How closely? Jesus, have I been committing incest?_

Suddenly, I was having trouble breathing, and I felt Bella's hands on my shoulders, guiding me to a seat. She pushed my head down between my knees and rubbed my neck throughout the panic attack. Jack said nothing until I had recovered enough to put my elbows up on my knees.

"I know what you're thinking, boy, and it's not the case," he said. "Mary and I never married, never knew each other as a man and woman might. If that were so, you and Bella would be first cousins. And things probably would have been a lot different in all our lives. But that's not what happened."

"How did you know I was thinking that?" I gasped, trying to slow my breathing. He chuckled.

"Well, I don't think you're over there huffing and puffing because you just found out that your Gran had a boyfriend before your grandfather. I'm blind, not stupid, you know." We all laughed at that, breaking some of the tension in the room. I was starting to feel normal again when Jack spooked me again. "So I'm guessing you're my Bella's long-lost Teddy come back to life again." I groaned and put my head back down between my legs.

"How does he know all this?" I whispered to Bella.

"I told him," said Bella. "When I was staying here after James left me. And I'm very glad that I did because he helped me understand things better. Which is why I've brought you here … it's time for you to hear this as well."

I sat there, a little dazed. Then I poured a cup of tea and sank back in the couch.

"Go ahead," I said in a weary voice.

~~ - ~~

"Mary – your grandmother – and I were friends from childhood. Our two families were tied together somehow, most families were back then. We were of an age and always spent time together. Her Sight never bothered me.

"It just seemed natural that our feelings would change as we grew up … that we would fancy one another. It was a foregone conclusion among the family that we would marry, and no one objected to the match – especially not me and Mary." Bella and I smiled at one another, and I wondered if things would have been like that between us had our lives not been torn apart.

"I wasn't much one for the school books. But I had a talent for working with my hands, so I was apprenticed to a metal smith in town when I was 16. As soon as I started earning a wage, I began putting money aside to buy Mary a ring. Asked her to marry me the night she turned 18. And then the war came. The bombing of Pearl Harbor. My friends and I – we couldn't stand by and do nothing. We joined; I got called up right away and sent to the European theatre. I was a paratrooper, you know," he said.

"My Gran … she didn't see … what would happen to you?" I asked tentatively.

"Battles move awfully fast. Men are moved up front. Regiments pulled back and redeployed elsewhere. I was in the 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, and we got absorbed into the 82nd Airborne Division right before D-Day. Next thing I knew, I was jumping out of a plane over Normandy. By the time Mary saw what would happen to me, it was far too late. We didn't have the email in those days, m'boy." He paused, and cleared his throat.

"Don't know if I would have done anything differently anyway if I'd known. It was my job to jump out of the plane that day. I was a soldier. I helped liberate Europe. Lots of men in my regiment paid for that privilege with their lives. I paid with my eyes. The shrapnel got them, y'see."

"Is that why you didn't marry my Gran?" I asked in a small voice. Bella let out a tiny sob, and I pulled her close to me.

"Yes, it was. Not that we didn't still want to marry one another! But her parents thought I'd be a poor provider." Jack paused, his face pained. "I could have talked them round if I'd tried, I think. They were good people, your great-grandparents, and they had always been kind to me. But I chose not to press my suit."

"Why not?"

"Because Mary could do better than be a caregiver to a blind man her whole life. She deserved so much better. I loved her enough to let her go." I gaped at him at this confession. It made me a little angry.

"But you loved each other!" I cried. "And what about the woman you did marry? Didn't she deserve better?"

"She did … and she got it. My father-in-law was a bad man, a drinker who liked to take his anger out on his wife and daughter. I was able to offer my wife a better life, even if I was a blind man. In time, I came to love Bella's grandmother, and she me." I slumped back on the couch, my anger gone. Nothing was simple.

"But I never forgot your Gran all the days of my life, Edward. I used my disability money from the Army to finish paying for the ring. I had it sent to her. And of course, she had the mirror I had made her."

_The mirror._

"You made _my_ mirror?" I asked in wonder. Jack chuckled a little.

"I did, son. I made hers before I lost my sight … a troth gift, if you will. And I made mine after I came home from the war. Anson, my apprentice, he thought it was some funny, a blind man making himself a mirror. I didn't even know why I made it, to be honest. I just felt compelled to have something in my life that matched hers, something that represented what could have been. And in my later years, it made me happy that my only grandchild loved the mirror so much." He smiled in Bella's direction.

"It wasn't until Bella came to stay with me a few years back that I found out that the mirrors … had become something more."

"You didn't make them magic?"

"No, son. I don't know anything about magic. Only about making things from metal."

My hopes sagged … I had been so sure that Bella's grandfather would have the answers for us. Bella felt my body slump a little, and nudged me with her shoulder.

"He's not done yet. Grandpa, tell him the rest of the story. Tell him what Mary told you." I sat up again, interested. Jack reached for a pack of cigarettes at his side and lit one up.

"You know your Gran had the Sight, don't you Edward?"

"Yes. And now my sister Alice has it too." Jack nodded.

"Runs through the women in your family, Mary told me. Her mother had it, and her grandmother before that. Mary told me that there was a story, too, that was handed down from mother to daughter in your lineage. A tale whose origins no one knew, about how the Sight came to be among your women.

"This is what she shared with me, the night we got engaged."

"_It is told that long ago, in a world not our own, a peaceful realm was invaded by a barbarian army. They were easily conquered for they were not a warring people. The invading army was led by an evil lord whose greatest desire was to stamp out the existence of these innocent people and take their home for himself._

_And so the peace-loving nation readied itself for rebellion. A child was born among them, a warrior princess - bred to fight and lead - who would guide them to freedom. It was said that her courage in the face of danger was so great that even Death, whose physical manifestation walked freely among them, was humbled in her presence._

_But the evil lord heard of the girl's existence, and moved against her. In a work of great magic, the child's brother fashioned a doorway between our two worlds, and the little princess was moved safely from her world to ours. _

_She was harbored in secrecy by a family in this world for many years. When she had grown into a young woman, she was ready to return to her world and reclaim it for her people. But this caused consternation, for the princess had fallen in love with a man from a neighboring family. _

_Such was his love for this woman that her man willingly chose to leave his family and everything he had ever known behind so that he might return with the princess to her world. He crossed with her through the doorway between our worlds, and fought alongside his love in an epic battle. They were victorious, the invaders driven from the land, the evil lord dead by the princess' blade, and peace returned to their realm. _

_But in this world, the two families grieved the loss of these two shining young people. The couple who had raised the warrior princess had no children of their own, which was a great sadness for them. _

_One night, the princess and her consort returned to this world bearing remarkable gifts. To the family who had raised her, the princess first gave her own gift of inner Sight so that it might be passed on from woman to woman within the family line. Then she placed upon her foster mother a blessing so that she might have the child for which she had so longed. When the baby girl was born in the following year, they discovered that the child carried the blood of the princess within her veins. _

_To the family whose son had been taken from them forever, the princess granted a subtler gift. In honor of the sacrifice made by their son, the children of this family were given wisdom, compassion and love beyond measure. They and their descendents would be blessed with joy and exceptional good fortune all the days of their lives._

_Then the two returned to the princess' world, closing – but not destroying- the doorway behind them to prevent accidental congress between the worlds. The princess told the families that she would not see them again on this side of night, but that she would watch over and protect their two bloodlines – and the gifts they carried – for all the rest of her days."_

I felt like a kid around a campfire, listening to a ghost story. Except some of these ghosts were a little too close to real for my comfort. My mind was spinning out of control, unable to latch on to anything. Until …

"'…her courage in the face of danger was so great that even Death, whose physical manifestation walked freely among them, was humbled in her presence,'" I mumbled.

_Death, who walked among them._

"You know what I'm talking about, Edward," said Jack. "They had a name for it, but Mary told me it could not be pronounced in our language. The closest she could get was the first syllable, which she called _Shra_."

The black monster.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: So we finally find out what the black monster really is. At least one person guessed it bang on, and most had the right idea (once we all got past the Jake theory). We will see more of the black monster before the story ends. **

**The story that Grandpa Jack tells provides all the pieces of the puzzle. Edward and Bella will put them together in the last few chapters of this story, and the last of the questions will be answered.**

**And I would be remiss if I didn't do a little pimping for my favorite Edward of them all … Balticward. For those of you who read **_**Behind Enemy Lines**_**, Balticward will be the star of the upcoming Smut Monday on Twilighted. It was a kick writing him again, although his sudden presence in my mind was part of the reason this chapter was late. Bad Balticward! RAWR!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Apologies for the delay … I started to write this chapter and realized I was going altogether in the wrong direction. So I started over, and this was the end result. We tie up a few more loose ends here. And these two sweet kids finally get some sexy times alone. **

**Much lurve to algonquinrt for helping me get on track and reminding me that guests should never sleep on the couch. And lurve for MsKathy, just because she has some much awesomeness in her.**

EPOV

I was sitting on the front porch of Bella's childhood home. It was full dark, around 7 p.m., and chilly. Warmer than San Francisco for sure, but still chilly. I had a grey Berkeley hoodie on with my hands jammed in the pockets.

It was Christmas Eve.

Bella and her mother, Renee, had gone to visit family friends. Jack had decided not to go and asked me to stay with him. "Keep me from falling down a flight of stairs," he had joked, but he knew the layout of the house like the back of his hand. He had wanted to talk to me about something.

So here I sat in the desert night, waiting for him to join me on the porch.

On cue, the door creaked open and Jack came out. He moved slowly but steadily; I should wish to do as well at his age.

"Hey Mr. Higginbotham," I said, standing up and taking his arm to guide him to the chair where I was sitting.

"Call me Jack, please. Thank you, son," he said, sitting down heavily in the deck chair. I dragged a second chair up beside him. I watched as he lit a cigarette with a wooden match. "My doctor told me I wouldn't see 80 if I kept smoking these." I handed him the ashtray beside me.

"I guess he was wrong," I noted.

"Yes," said Jack with a grin. "That's what I said at his funeral two years ago." I looked at him in amazement, and then busted out laughing. After a while we settled back into silence. It occurred to me that you didn't see many people smoking in California anymore. Jack finally spoke.

"You've been awful quiet these last few days, Edward. My Bella is worried about you. Thinks maybe she made a bad choice bringing you down here to listen to my tales. I don't think that's the case, but I thought I'd check in to see what's on your mind."

"Lots of stuff on my mind," I said. "Lots of questions."

"Anything I can answer?" I thought that over for a few minutes.

"What did the ring look like that you gave my grandmother?" I asked. Jack looked startled.

"That's not what I was expecting you to ask. But … well … it wasn't a very big ring. I recall it had a square diamond in the middle and …"

"… and a smaller round one on either side. 14 carat gold." Jack's mouth was quivering a little as I spoke. "My Gran left it to me in her will. She said it was to give to the woman I wanted for my wife, when the time came."

"I'll be damned," he said in a shaky voice. He carefully levered himself out of the chair. "Just give me a minute, son." Jack went back in the house, and returned a few minutes later with a bottle and two glasses in his hand. "Scotch, isn't it?" he asked, showing me the label. I confirmed, and he poured us each a healthy shot. He raised his glass to me, and we drank.

"Mr. Higginbotham," I started, and he made a noise in his throat. "Jack," I hastily corrected myself, "what you told us the other day at your place. Do you think that story is true? Or is it just a story?" He sat back a bit in the chair and ran his fingers across the arm of it.

"Edward, until you walked through the door of my house, I thought it was just a tale. Mary didn't think so – she thought it was real. Now I'm wondering if maybe she was right all along." We sat together for a long moment, sipping on the scotch. I thought it was disgusting but I didn't want to insult him by not drinking it. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy," he quoted wryly.

"No shit," I responded, then blushed at my language. Jack didn't seem to mind. "But if the story is true, then who is the other family? Is it supposed to be your family? And if it is, why didn't you and Renee and Bella have all that good fortune that was promised to you? I mean … my family still has the Sight. How come you guys got ripped off?"

"I don't know, son. I don't know." He ground out his cigarette. "You say your sister has the Sight now? And your mother before that, I assume?" That stopped me in my tracks, and Jack could sense my tension. "What is it son? What did I say?"

"My mother … Esme. Mary's daughter. Her only child. She doesn't have the Sight. At least, not that any of us were ever aware. It skipped a generation and ended up in Alice."

"Huh," was all Jack said, and we were quiet once again. Finally, I asked him the question that had weighed most heavily on me.

"The black monster," I said tentatively. "Have you ever seen it?"

"No," he replied. "The only thing I know about Shra – death – is that it comes for all of us in the end, boy. And after a while, the funny thing is that it doesn't really seem like a monster at all anymore. Some days, I think I'd welcome it with open arms, especially when my hip starts kicking up, or I can't remember someone's name, or the doc gets on my back about my heart. Times when you realize the end is coming, and it could be bad."

"I'm afraid of it," I said, my lips heavy with the shameful confession of it. "I'm afraid of the black monster. I have been all my life."

"What are you most afraid of?" he asked, and my answer was immediate.

"I'm afraid it will hurt Bella. My Gran told me in a dream when I was little that it could take away the things I love. I'm scared it will take Bella away from me." Jack poured himself a little more scotch and lit another cigarette.

"Your Gran was right … death does take the things we love. But you two are young and healthy, Edward. You can't live your life in fear of what might be. And your black monster may be able to take some things away, but not all. Your Gran's been dead more than 20 years, and I still have my memories all up here," he said, gesturing at his bald head. "And I see her in my dreams too, your Gran. Death couldn't take that away from us either."

More silence. Then.

"What are you intentions?" he suddenly asked.

"What?" I asked, startled.

"What are your intentions with my granddaughter?" I stared at him for a moment, my mouth hanging open. I shut it with an abrupt snap, and gulped down the rest of the scotch.

"I love Bella," I said, trying to keep my voice from squeaking, which it still did sometimes when I was nervous. "I love her more than my own life." I took a really deep breath and went one step further. "One day, I want to give her that ring you gave my Gran. That's my intention, Jack."

"That was a good answer, boy." My hand trembled as I put the empty glass down on the porch beside me. "See that you do just that." Jack's head came up a bit, as if he were listening to something far away. "Here come the women now." He heaved himself to his feet, and I did the same. Suddenly, he extended a hand to me, and I reached out to shake with him. "Look after my girl when I'm gone, Edward," Jack said gruffly.

"I will, sir." We were still facing one another with our hands clasped when the flood of the headlights swept over us as the car pulled into the drive.

~~ - ~~

"Edward," said Bella, and I turned to look at her. "I want to get home just as much as you do. Maybe more. But going 105 on a 65 road will get you a really big ticket." Embarrassed, I eased off the gas. We were just north of Hayward on the I-580, about half an hour from home. It was the day after Christmas, and we'd been on the road since early this morning. I'd driven most of the way, slowly edging up the speed every now and then until Bella would call me on it.

I had never felt this horny in my entire life.

I had slept in the guest room at Renee's place. Bella had said her mother probably wouldn't have objected to us sharing a bed, but it just didn't feel right to me. We'd only been dating for a matter of weeks, and I was meeting her mom and grandfather for the first time. Taking the guest room was the seemly thing to do. And the thought of her entire family being just a few feet away while I made love to their daughter in her childhood bed made my erection die an immediate and horrified death.

But by the time we left this morning, both of us were climbing the walls. Having never had sex at all prior to last week, I had felt fairly sure I would be able to control myself with ease. Instead, I ended up discovering that it was one of those "once you start, you can't stop" situations. Bella and I were in a constant state of arousal all through Christmas, pawing at one another every time we got a moment alone.

Which is how I ended up making the trip from Phoenix to Berkeley in a little less than 11 hours with a huge hard-on and an agonizing case of blue balls.

No one else was home when we arrived at my place, which made unloading the car much easier. (Neither of us was so far gone as to risk leaving a car full of luggage and Christmas presents parked on the street at night.) I carried the last few things in, hit the remote lock on the Volvo and kicked the door shut behind me. There was a sudden, charged silence in the entryway of the house as we faced each other.

Bella's face was flushed, and her eyes were a little wild. She didn't say a word. There was no way she could miss the fact that I was insanely aroused; my erection was nearly exploding out of my pants.

"I really, really want you," I blurted out, not caring about propriety or whether I was looking my best or anything except how badly I needed her right now.

"Upstairs," was all she said. The two of us raced up the stairs and into my bedroom. We were barely through the door when I grabbed her. Both of us were rumpled and sweaty from the long car ride home, but at this point, I couldn't have cared less. I attacked her mouth, my hands going straight up under her shirt to find her beautiful breasts. I'd never taken her bra off before and had only a rudimentary idea as to how it worked, but I managed to get it undone. I broke our wild kisses long enough to pull off her sweatshirt, t-shirt and bra and toss them away. She had my shirt off a second later.

Restraining myself for a moment, I carefully undid her locket and placed it on the bedside table. Then I cupped her breasts and captured one of her hard nipples in my mouth, sucking hungrily.

Bella cried out with pleasure. One of her hands slid between us, down my stomach to rub the bulge in my jeans. I whimpered as she squeezed me through the denim, then pulled my jeans open and wiggled her hand down inside to cup me.

"Ouch … careful … please," I panted, moving her hand away from my aching testicles and on to my very eager penis instead. "I've been hard for so long that my balls are killing me," I explained ruefully.

"There's only one cure for that, you know," she said coyly, stroking me through my shorts. "I'm going to have to make you come. Maybe a few times."

"Oh God, yes," I said. "I want to do that to you, too." I ran my hands down to her hips and then pushed her sweatpants down so that they pooled at her ankles. Bella was left standing in front of me in a pair of pink cotton underwear. I yanked off my jeans and boxers, nearly toppling over in the process. Her underwear joined the scattered clothes around us, and I pushed her down backward on to the bed.

Bella spread her legs open; I could see how wet she was for me already, and I nearly came undone right there. I still didn't know much about how to do this, but I was past the point of reason. A bit clumsily, I knelt over her and took hold of myself. With my other hand, I found her entrance. Then I pushed myself in, moaning with delight.

She let out a little scream as I slid into her, then she pulled me down against her and wrapped her legs around my hips. That made me go deeper, and I groaned helplessly. Unable to hold back, I started thrusting. It felt good … better than anything else I'd ever felt. I could hear myself grunting like an animal as I buried my cock in her over and over again. Bella's nails raked up and down my back, and the sounds tumbling out of her mouth against my ear were making me insane.

Abruptly, she pulled back from me so she could look up into my eyes. She was flushed with pleasure, and she had never looked so beautiful to me.

"Love … you …oh … Edward … _Edward_!" She pushed her hips hard against mine and shuddered as her orgasm flooded over her. I held out for just a few seconds longer, then exploded into her in a series of wildly relieving spasms that made me scream her name with pleasure. I collapsed into her arms, panting, then rolled to the side so I didn't crush her.

After a few minutes, Bella sat up, looking dazed. Then she thumped back down beside me as if that one action had taken all available energy.

"I really needed that," she finally said. "And now I really need a shower." She turned her head and smiled at me. "Join me?" The thought of naked Bella in front of me in the shower with soapy hands suddenly appeared in my mind, and my dick twitched. Bella glanced down at me and grinned. "I'll take that as a yes."

As I started the shower and waited for the water to warm up, Bella began to unbraid her hair. I watched in fascination as her fingers nimbly pulled her hair free until it was swirling around her in a cloud of chocolate brown. She turned and saw me staring at her, and blushed.

"What?" she said.

"I love your hair. It's so beautiful. Just like you. Come," I said, pulling the shower curtain aside and helping her in. "Want me to wash it?"

"Yes. And a few other things while you're at it …"

~~ - ~~

BPOV

We climbed into bed together, clean and tired. As I sat on the edge of the bed, plaiting my damp hair again, Edward put his glasses on and picked up a book that my mother had given him for Christmas.

"Sweetie," I said tentatively after a moment. "You know you don't need to wear those around me." He looked up, startled. "The glasses, I mean."

"No, probably not." He turned the page and kept reading. The glasses stayed on. I kept braiding my hair. Finally he sighed and put the book down. "How long have you known … about the glasses, I mean?"

"Since the beginning," I admitted, tying off my hair and climbing into bed beside him. "We all have our defenses, Edward." He took his glasses off and turned them over and over in his hands.

"They just seemed to fit my persona," he said. "Geeky, nerdy Edward. My parents think I'm far-sighted. I actually just buy them at a drug store. The lenses are plain glass." He sighed and seemed to retreat inwardly. Then he leaned over and put them on the bedside table where something else caught his eye. He picked up my locket. "This is so beautiful, Bella. Is it special to you? You wear it all the time."

I couldn't answer. I just looked at him.

_My Teddy._ Did he have any idea how much I had worshipped him when we were young? I had crushed on him since the day we first met in the mirror, when he had appeared out of nowhere to save me from the black monster. Somewhere in a box of my stuff, there were notebooks with his name doodled all over the margins, probably in combination with mine. With hearts.

He had been my rock in the horrible years after my father abandoned me for the second time. My friend. My first kiss. I had compared every boy, every man I had met since to him. Most of them didn't even come close to measuring up.

I had thought I would live my whole life without finding a man who made me feel the way Teddy had - until I met Edward. Clever, shy, handsome Edward … who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Edward. Who was my Teddy.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward was right in front of me, his hand on my shoulder, shaking gently. My eyes were filled with tears. I reached down and picked up the locket where he had dropped it on the bed.

"Yes, it's so special to me," I choked, "because you're so special to me. I never told you why. I haven't told you enough how much I love you. I could tell you every day until the end of time, and it wouldn't be enough." With some difficulty, I opened the locket and held it in the palm of my hand so that he could see.

"What is …" His voice trailed off, and his eyes went wide. Very gingerly, Edward picked up the little lock of strawberry blonde hair that was curled inside. His hair, from so many years ago. "Oh, Bella," he whispered brokenly.

"I kept it here," I said, patting my chest. "Close to my heart. Where you've always been."

Edward carefully replaced his hair inside the locket and closed it up tight. Then he put it on the bedside table again. His book fell to the floor with a thump as he pulled me into his arms. I couldn't stop crying, and I didn't really know why.

"Don't leave me," I sobbed. "Please don't ever leave me again."

"I'll never leave you," he whispered, rocking me back and forth. "I love you. And I'll never, ever leave you."

We spent the rest of the night consecrating that promise.

**A/N: There are only going to be a few more chapters of The Mirrors, plus an epilogue, which makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad because I will miss these characters so much. But happy because all my stories have a happy ending and these two kids deserve to have their HEA.**

**Join us on Twilighted or Twitter! **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: And so we begin the end of our story by coming back to where we started. For those of you who loved the fantasy elements of the first four chapters of The Mirrors, this is where you finally get your fix again. **

**There will be one more full chapter after this, then the epilogue. And maybe one outtake, no more. And after that … I may take a little break from writing before tackling my Savetheworldsper story. Just a little one – to catch up on all my reading. And sleep.**

**Hugs to algonquinrt and Ms Kathy just for being great friends.**

~~ - ~~

EPOV

The next five days were sheer bliss.

Bella and I spent a ridiculous amount of time together. Our days we spent catching up on our ten lost years … hanging out, learning more about each other's likes and dislikes, watching movies, napping and talking.

The nights was reserved for copious amounts of love-making. Hence the need for napping during the day.

Emmett, Alice and Jasper returned to the house on the 27th. My sister teased me unmercifully about my newly altered v-card status and the general blissed-out state I was in. Jasper hummed the Wedding March every time I walked into the room. Eventually I was forced to whip his ass at Guitar Hero to make him stop.

Emmett hung out with us until Rose came home on the 29th, then he vanished away with her for a couple of days. For the first time, I could understand why he had such a hard time being away from Rose.

One afternoon, Bella convinced me to break out my new drawing materials. It had been years since I had sketched anything, and the smooth new pencils felt exciting under my fingertips. I drew a few tentative strokes, then slowly sketched an apple that was sitting on the table. Bella laughed in delight when she saw it.

"You're so good!" I blushed and drew a few more little doodles for her. "Can you draw Alice now?"

"It's been a long time since I've drawn a person," I said doubtfully, but I managed to do a reasonable drawing of Alice, which everyone praised. Pleased, I smiled at Bella. "I want to draw you next," I began to outline Bella's beautiful heart-shaped face, her wide brown eyes and generous mouth. It didn't take long for my hand to settle into its familiar rhythm; I had drawn Swan a million times when I was a kid. At that thought, the pencil trembled a little in my hand.

I woke up 10 minutes later with a bloody smear down my shirt, having hit my nose on the edge of the table on the way down. I was bitterly disappointed that the flashbacks hadn't gone away – secretly, I had hoped that now that Bella and I were together again in every sense of the word, they would magically disappear forever.

It would seem not.

I put the pencils away. For now.

~~ - ~~

As always, Alice and Jasper hosted a huge party at our house on New Year's Eve. In the past, I had always put in a token appearance, then fled to my parents' house to spend the night alone. This year was different.

People started arriving just after dinner, and soon the house was crammed with friends old and new. Over the course of the evening, three people I had known for over a decade didn't recognize me. A dozen others commented that I looked terrific.

"Do I look that different with my hair like this?" I asked Bella at some point during the evening. She reached up and ran her fingers through my bronze locks, making sure to rub teasingly against my scalp. I bit back a groan and shifted a bit as I went instantly hard. Was it normal for one's head to become an erogenous zone?

"Yes, you look different. But it's not just your hair. It's you. You're _here_, Edward, and people can see that. You're not hiding anymore. That's what they're noticing." I pulled her against me and rocked her against my hard-on. "Of course, they might be noticing _that_ as well, if you don't stop," she teased.

"I want to take you back to your house and make you scream," I whispered.

"Me too," she murmured. We snuggled in the corner for a bit until Alice came over and busted us up.

Bella and I hung out until midnight, toasted the new year, and then drove back to her place. The party at our house would go on for a few more hours, and I was itching to be alone with my love. Bella's roommates either hadn't returned home from the break or were at parties elsewhere, so it was perfect.

But by the time we got into bed, it was past 1 a.m. and we were both too sleepy to make love. So we lay together instead, Bella's head on my chest, her hand slowly drifting up and down my arm.

"I've never looked forward to a new year this much," I murmured, nuzzling her hair.

"Me neither," she said drowsily. "We'll start tomorrow off with a bang … literally." We both snickered at that and then drifted off.

~~ - ~~

I woke up very abruptly in the middle of the night. _Who's calling me?_ I thought fuzzily. I turned and reached for Bella. She wasn't there. I sat up, alarmed. Then I saw her, standing beside the bed, fully awake and alert. Looking at the mirror.

And I suddenly felt its irresistible pull. The mirror was calling us.

"Do you feel it, Edward?" she asked in a low voice.

"Yes." I got up out of bed and stood beside her. We could see into the mirror again. All was quiet and empty, just like last time. I stepped forward and put my hand against the surface. Both of us caught our breath as my palm passed silently through the glass and through to the other side. "It's open."

Bella started putting on jeans and a shirt, and fastened her locket around her neck.

"What are you doing?" I asked, confused.

"I'm not going to face death incarnate in my underwear," she said, tucking her hair down the back of her shirt. She had a point. I grabbed some clothes, dressing hurriedly. When we were ready to go, we paused for a moment in front of the glass. Then I took her hand and together, we walked into the mirror.

~~ - ~~

As soon as we stepped through, I knew it was close by. _A trap_, I thought sickly. We could turn around and go right back out, I supposed. Bu that felt wrong. And cowardly. And I was tired of being a coward. I would rather be consumed by death than live in fear of it forever.

"Get behind me," I said.

"What?"

"Get behind me," I repeated. "The black monster is here." I scanned the area but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. But I could smell it nearby – the smell of dirt and corruption. Getting stronger by the second. After an interminable silence, it spoke, and every nightmare I'd had for the last 10 years came back to life. My heart rate raced and fear spread through me – but I didn't have a panic attack. Nor did I have a flashback.

"You cannot protect her. You couldn't even protect her in your dreams." I swallowed my terror and spread my arms wide, keeping Bella behind me.

Shra came slowly into view, walking around the mirror from behind us. I shuddered and forced myself to look at it. The black monster of my childhood looked unexpectedly ... different. Smaller, maybe? Less terrifying? The teeth - were they less alien? Were the eyes a little less red? I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was somehow less threatening. Maybe it was because I was so much bigger now.

"This isn't a dream, Shra," I said, the words spurting up from inside me. "And it is this meeting that counts for all. You will not take her from me, nor me from her." I heard Bella catch her breath behind me, startled by my words. Shra regarded me in silence for a moment, eyes narrowing.

"Little Teddy Cullen, you have grown in size and wisdom since last we met. But I am ageless. And I will have her."

"You will have to get past me first," I replied.

"This will not be necessary," came a cheerful voice to my right. The sound in this previously silent world was a horrible shock. Bella let out a squeak of surprise. Shra flinched away, its nightmare muzzle wrinkling like a dog that has smelled something bad. It turned to growl at the approaching figure; the sound sent shivers down my spine.

It did not, however, seem to hold much water with the tall man who stepped into view.

"Come, Shra, these two will not be yours tonight nor any other night within several decades. Leave us now." The man's voice was friendly but had an unmistakable tone of command in it. This was a person who was used to being obeyed.

"You are bold for a mortal unaccompanied by his protector," Shra snarled, circling to ensure the man never had its back. Its hindquarters shrank low to the ground.

"Who says I am unaccompanied?" His tone was mild, but the words' effect on the black monster was electrifying. Shra backed away immediately, still growling, to settle in the grass a safe distance away.

"Damned thing," he said as if death hanging about in the flesh was a common but annoying occurrence. It occurred to me that it probably was fairly normal here. I dragged my eyes away from the silent black creature on the crest of the hill to look at our rescuer.

I immediately recognized him. He was the man with blonde hair from our childhood visions in the mirror. It was the first time we had ever seen him in person. My jaw dropped in shock.

He was an exceptionally handsome man, with deeply tanned skin and sparkling blue eyes that seemed full of laughter. He had a thick mane of messy white blonde hair that he flicked out of his face frequently. When he turned, I could see that his hair reached down to his shoulder blades and was tied into a loose ponytail.

His face was youthful, but the crinkles around his eyes suggested he was older than we were. He wore odd clothing – a tunic-like top that tied with a sash around his waist, pants that looked like riding breeches and well-worn brown leather boots.

I realized I was staring, and moved my eyes back up to his face. It seemed he hadn't noticed my gaping at all; he was looking past me at Bella, a hopeful smile on his face.

"Hello my dear," he said at last. "Will you come out so I may see you more clearly? I will not harm you." Bella stepped out from behind me, a little nervously. The man took her hand and bent down (for he was quite tall) to kiss her on both cheeks. Then he put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her. "You are so lovely. Do you know who I am, child?" She shook her head. "I am of your blood, dear. We are kin." He looked at our confused faces with disappointment. "Have the stories been lost then?"

"You are the man from our world?" Bella asked hesitantly. "The man who married the warrior princess?"

"Yes," he said, a broad smile breaking out on his pleasant face. "I am. It pleases me to no end, child, to hear that you have knowledge of the old stories." He turned to me then. "And you must be her suitor." I nodded, bemused by his formal language. "But I fail in my manners. My name is difficult to pronounce in the English tongue. You may call me Phan." We shook hands, which seemed a trifle absurd considering the circumstances.

"I'm Edward," I said.

"And my name is Bella." She looked at him with trepidation. "May I ask you a question?"

"Of course, dear … anything."

"Are we really related to each other? Even though you live … here?"

"Of course we are," Phan said in surprise. "You are my sister's daughter, 12 generations removed." Both of us looked at him in shock.

"But that doesn't make any sense," I said in confusion. "You don't look too much older than we are. Maybe you're in your 30s? But 12 generations removed …" I did a quick calculation in my head. "That's about 300 years. You would have lived in our world in the 1700s." A horrible thought seized me. "You're not ... dead, are you?"

"A spirit? Nay. Time moves differently in this world. And we are long lived, regardless. But you are among the living here." My eyes darted over to Shra who sat staring at us from a ways off. The man followed my gaze. "Yes, even Shra lives. Although not the same way we do." He paused thoughtfully, then stepped forward, making a ritual gesture of some kind in the air over our heads.

"You are welcome here," he said formally. "I grant you the protection of the royal house. No harm shall come to you here." He stopped and pitched his voice a little higher, grinning. "Do you hear that, Shra?"

"My hearing is adequate, human," it growled back.

"Isn't Shra supposed to be a living embodiment of death?" asked Bella. "Isn't it a little risky to … you know … get death pissed at you?"

"'Pissed,'" Phan mused for a moment. "Ah, you mean angry? Indeed. Well. Shra is always in a bit of a temper. And I am known for being a trouble-maker. It is not an ideal combination, as my wife reminds me. Frequently." He smiled angelically. "Now. We have much to discuss. But first, perhaps you can tell me what stations you hold in life." We looked at him blankly for a moment.

"You mean, what do we do for a living? Our jobs, professions?" I asked. "We're both still in school." Phan pulled a face; I had the feeling he hadn't been an academic in his previous life.

"I study psychology," said Bella. Phan looked blank. "The study of the mind?"

"And I study mathematics," I added. He looked suitably impressed with both of those answers.

"Academics. Scholars. Yes. My wife will be well pleased," he said. "Do you wish to meet her?" Bella and I looked at each other and nodded. Phan's face took on a serious cast. "You understand that she is not the same as we are. She is not of your world." We both contemplated that for a moment, then the meaning of it suddenly sank in.

"Uh … she's not … human?" I asked.

"The similarities are very strong," said Phan, "else we would not have been able to have offspring. But no, she is not a human being. The differences are subtle but you will see them. She did not wish to frighten you with her appearance, which is why she sent me to meet you first." He stepped back from us and signaled to someone. We turned, and looked down into the meadow.

Two horses were there, grazing in the lush grass at the edge of the forest. And walking up the hill toward us was a tall, red-haired woman. I swallowed.

"She's a princess, right?" I asked weakly.

"She rules," Phan replied. The absolute power implied in those two simple words was stunning. He smiled at me unexpectedly. "You have her eyes, you know."

Bella and I stood side by side watching her walk toward us. My nerves started jangling as she got closer. Like Phan, she was dressed in unusual clothing – riding pants, boots and a long top. Around her waist was a deep purple cord.

Not purple. _Porphyry__._ The color of royalty.

Without thinking further, I reached over and put my hand on Bella's shoulder, giving her a very firm push downward. She instantly dropped to her knees. She turned to look at me with an angry expression and saw that I was kneeling as well. Then she looked to her right and saw Phan on his knees as well. _Jesus, even her husband?_

I kept my eyes locked on the grass in front of me. There was a light step, and a booted foot appeared in front of me.

"Rise," she said briefly. It was a command, and one she gave often, I could tell. People knelt in front of this woman on a daily basis. Praying that my knees would not give out, I did I was told. I rose, as did Bella. I stood to my full height, a bit over six feet. And met her eye-to-eye.

For a long moment, we looked at one another. She had a faint smile on her face, as if she were amused by my staring. She did indeed resemble a human, very much so. Which made her differences all the more alien.

She was tall, alarmingly so. Tall wasn't the word for it - this woman was a fucking _Amazon_. She was at least as tall as me, maybe an inch or two more. Every bit of her, top to bottom, was ripped and muscular. Her upper arms bulged – Emmett had nothing on this lady. In fact, I think she probably could have taken out Emmett without breaking a sweat.

There was a long, straight sword hanging from her boyish waist. One hand rested on the hilt. Her fingers were long, and the tips looked vaguely claw-like. I raised my eyes to her face and tried not to scream.

Her eyes were green just like mine, as Phan had said. Unlike mine, they were almond shaped, giving her an exotic look. She blinked, and I watched in sick fascination as some kind of nictitating membrane came down over her eyes. Her nostrils were decidedly larger than a human's. Her mouth seemed the same as mine until she smiled. Then I could see extra teeth – sharp ones. There was a strange row of ridges running down the front of her throat – almost like there was an extra layer of bone or cartilage in there. I saw the same ridges on the insides of her wrists.

Unlike her husband, her skin was pale, and a riot of freckles ran across her nose and cheeks. They matched her long red hair, which fell to her calves, longer even than Bella's. Her face had a wild beauty to it. That and her hair kept her from looking like a man on steroids. But just barely.

Her hair was loose, and it stirred in the breeze. At least, I thought it was stirring in the breeze … until I saw it moving more purposefully than that. I watched as her hair very quietly braided itself into two long tails, which neatly looped themselves together. I reached for Bella's hand, felt her palm wet with sweat, just like mine.

There was a long, charged silence. And then she spoke, her eyes on mine.

"Blood of my blood. Welcome back."

~~ - ~~

**A/N: Yes a cliffee of sorts. But the next chapter will be posted very soon, so you won't have to wait long. **


	21. Chapter 21

EPOV

_Blood of my blood._

_I'm related to her? This woman isn't a human being. Is there a part of me too that isn't human?_

My heart was hammering so fast that I was getting dizzy. How I wasn't twitching on the grass in a frenzy was beyond me. The princess' green eyes shot to the right and took in her husband still kneeling on the grass. She gave him a darkly amused look.

"What is this? You, kneeling? I have lived too long, it would seem." Her husband raised his laughing eyes to hers, and her lips twitched in amusement. "Truly, Phan. You are a devil. Do not mock these two young ones." Phan stood, and the princess' face softened as they looked at one another. I supposed this very human display of affection should have eased some of my concerns, but it was all I could do to keep the terror at bay.

The woman turned back to me, a look of concern on her face.

"Do not fear," she said kindly. "You and your consort are safe here. I will not harm you, and neither will Phan." Something happened with her eyes for a split second, something vaguely familiar. Then it was gone. "It is true that I am a different type of creature than you are. But the blood that runs in your veins is entirely human, child. The part of me that lives on in you is the human part of me."

"So it is true then … the story that Bella's grandfather told us," I said. "The Sight in my family – it came from you?"

"Yes. It was my own." She gestured to her eyes. "I gave it willingly in exchange for the protection and love I was given by your family. But come. Let us sit, and I will answer all your questions." We walked a little bit along to find a comfortable spot in the springy grass. As we walked, something caught the princess' eye, and she suddenly took my wrist in her hand. I flinched a little away at her touch, then realized it was as gentle and warm as a human woman's.

She touched my bracelet. "Do you mourn?" she asked. I was amazed that she recognized the bracelet's symbolism.

"I … I did mourn," I said. "But now, no longer." The princess looked over at Bella and eyed her long brown hair, then she turned back to me with a smile.

"Indeed, you do not. So you no longer require this item. May I remove it?" I thought about this for a moment, and nodded. I tried not to panic when I heard the zinging sound of the long blade at her waist being drawn. But before I feel any more fear or even see the movement involved, the bracelet of hair lay at my feet in the grass. She re-sheathed the sword.

We settled down on the ground, the woman sinking effortlessly to the grass, her legs folded beneath her. Phan squatted nearby. I shot a nervous glance over to where Shra lay, not far away. Its glowing eyes were fixed on the princess.

"Please," said Bella, speaking to her for the first time. "Will you tell us your name? I am Bella and this is Edward."

"My name is difficult…"

"… yes, difficult to pronounce in our language. We've been hearing that a lot lately." The princess grinned; it showed her teeth, which had an unsettling effect.

"Indeed. When I lived in the human world, my family called me Kris. But I will tell you my true name and you may even call me that instead, if you prefer." She spoke it then. It seemed to go on for an inordinately long time, and I wasn't even sure I could replicate some of the sounds she created. Somewhere in there, a syllable that sounded somewhat like "Kris" came out.

"Okay, let's stick with Kris then," I said hurriedly. The princess looked amused. I gestured around us. "Is this your home? Your … world?"

"A very small portion of it," she said. "But it is part that is forbidden to enter for my people. Because of the portal, you see." Kris pointed to the mirror we had entered through. "This was crafted by my brother, who was a powerful wizard. It was his greatest act of magic, to form a corridor between two worlds separated by distance and time. It was also his last, as he paid for it with his life. This happened when I was very young, maybe 30 of your years past. He created the portal because it was foreseen that our enemies were seeking my death.

"You have heard the chronicle of how I was sheltered by your family," she said, nodding at me, "and met my love in your world." Here she nodded to Phan very gracefully, and he grinned back. "And in exchange for their kindness, I gifted both families. To Phan's family, I gave wisdom and strength of character, as well as good fortune. And for my foster mother, who was very dear to me, I used my magic to give her the babe she longed for. A girl child, the first of many generations who would inherit my Sight. With eyes of two different colors – as mine were before I gave my Sight."

Kris traced a pattern in the air with her hands. "Our two families have moved like twin streams thusly through time. Coming together in marriage, then moving apart for a few generations to ensure the health and stability of the lines. Then joining in marriage once again. There have been three marriages in 12 generations between our two families, the last one being four generations ago.

"Hang on a second," said Bella, interrupting. "Doesn't this mean that Edward and I are … related … somehow? Distantly?"

"Yes," said the princess readily. "But understand it is a very distant kinship, separated now by more than 100 years of your own time. There is no danger to your offspring of any kind."

"Remind me to keep this quiet the next time my mother picks up her genealogy hobby," Bella murmured, and I winced.

"Now … where was I?" The princess thought a moment. "Ah yes. The last marriage was four generations ago. Now this itself is unusual – in regular times, the coming together occurs every second or third generation without fail. Your grandparents would have been the next joining of the lines. But the terrible war in your world disrupted this pattern, and the gifts began to degrade." The princess turned to look at me. "In your family, the Sight failed to manifest in your mother. Indeed, I believe that it was only through great courage and strength that your grandmother was able to channel her Sight into your sister as she was birthed."

"My Gran died that night," I said in a small voice as I digested what I had just heard. _It cost Gran her life to ensure Alice got the Sight._

"Yes," said the princess, looking at me with compassion in her exotic eyes. "She was an extraordinary woman. I share your sorrow."

She turned to Bella next. "And for you, my dear, the consequences were even more painful for you did not have a large and loving family around you. Your mother was born an only child, after generations of large families. She was born into lowly status and has remained so for all her days. She married a man of lesser character who treated his wife and child shamefully, and then abandoned them. But while you were not blessed with the good fortune you so richly deserved, you still had your family gift of wisdom and love."

"So you can see what goes on in our world, then?" Bella asked.

"Assuredly," said the princess. "Having spent several years of my own life there, I make it my business to maintain a watch on your home." She continued on.

"It was recognized that if the gifts were to be fully recovered, it was essential that two children of the newest generation must meet and marry. Since Bella was also an only child, that mean either you or your brother had to mate with her. As your brother was but a babe at the time, you were chosen." Kris smiled at me as if she had conferred a very great honor, but her face fell when she saw the horror in my expression.

"Are you saying Bella and I are together because of some … magic spell?" I whispered. "Not because we really love each other?" _I knew it was all too good to be true! Of course she doesn't really love me…_

Kris shot me an astounded look. "Nay. We are believers of destiny, not arranged marriages. No magic – no matter how powerful – can create a love match where no love exists. We selected this place where the two of you could safely meet and become acquainted with one another. We showed you pieces of the old stories to attract your attention and perhaps awaken buried memories in you. And finally, I caused the portal between our worlds to be re-opened, and split it into two – one to each family."

Bella looked off past the meadow, toward the towering forest in the distance. "Does everyone in your world live … over there?"

"Yes. But it was felt best that you be left strictly to yourselves, with no risk of you stumbling into one of our cities. So we put in place a mental barrier to prevent you from wandering out of this space. And we laid down certain charms on the mirror to keep you … safe … in the event that your pairing was unsuccessful."

"And this is why we were unable to speak of our families, or take things in and out of the mirror?" I asked.

"Yes. Had the portal not been destroyed prematurely in your world, the mirror's restrictions would have gradually been lifted as you grew older, allowing you to know one another more fully." She looked distressed. "Please know that it was never our intention to cause you this painful separation. My only wish was to bring you together in the hopes that you might find happiness as man and woman, and continue a great legacy. Which it appears you have – but I fear that both of you have paid a great price for this."

We all sat in silence for several minutes as Bella and I digested this information. It was a frightening amount to take in. Kris and Phan didn't say anything or seem to be in a rush. They sat beside us in comfortable silence as the second moon rose up overhead.

"So …what happens now?" asked Bella.

"You return to your own world. Marry, have children, grow old together. And live in the knowledge that you have preserved a tradition spanning a dozen generations and hundreds of years. A tradition that will bring happiness and good fortune to your own offspring." Kris cocked an eyebrow at us. "Is this not sufficient?"

"It is more than sufficient," I said softly. "I don't know if things can ever be that simple in our world anymore, but to have that life with Bella would be … more than I had ever dreamed for myself." I couldn't – just _couldn't_ – explain my mental problems to the princess and Phan, so I changed the subject. "You speak of children a great deal. Do you have kids?" It was a good choice of topics – both of them swelled with pride.

"Of course," said Phan. "We have seven, three boys and four girls." Bella and I gaped at them for a moment. "It is no longer customary then, in my world, to have many children?" he asked.

"No. At least, not in our society. Most families have two children, maybe three."

"Ah. This is unfortunate," observed Phan. Kris brightened.

"Perhaps you would wish to spend the rest of the night here? We would be gladly withdraw and grant you privacy. I have power enough to ensure a fruitful union tonight – you could be holding your first babe before this year has drawn to a close."

Bella's eyes nearly fell out of her head, and mine weren't far behind. Trying not to sputter, she declined the princess' offer as graciously as possible. Even still, my mind was suddenly lost in a fantasy of Bella, her stomach round and full with my child. Kris shot me an indulgent smile that made me wonder – for the first time – if she could read my every thought. I pulled myself back to the moment.

"I wouldn't mind spending the rest of the night here," I said. "It has been a long time since we were last here, and I am not ready to leave yet." I paused. "Do you think … we could come back again?" Kris looked surprised.

"If you desire, it could be made possible. I admit that I did not envision that you would wish to return now that you have found one another." She eyed me thoughtfully. "Do you like it here that much? Perhaps you would wish to return for a more … lengthy visit?" I tried not to show my alarm, but she picked up on it anyway. "Perhaps not then. Never mind."

_Live in the mirror world?_

I'd lying if it didn't hold some appeal.

We talked for another hour or so. Phan was greatly interested in the day-to-day goings on in the world he had left behind. The princess wanted to know about my family, especially Alice with her Sight. Finally, we got to our feet and stood together. I was aware that it was time for Kris and Phan to leave, but I didn't want them to go.

"Will we ever see each other again?" I asked. She smiled sadly.

"I do not believe so, my child. Not on this side of night. It was strange fortune that allowed this meeting in the first place." Her face was filled with a terrible sadness, and I suddenly realized I wasn't afraid of her anymore. "But it is not natural for our worlds to mix in this fashion. You are young and need to move on with your own lives, in your own world. Perhaps I have held on to you too long in order to indulge my own sentiment." She smiled, and I was surprised to see tears in her deep green eyes. "I am so grateful for this chance." Then she turned to Bella.

"My child, I would give you my blessing. Will you accept it? It is a traditional blessing – for long life, good health, a pleasurable marriage bed." Phan winked at me, and I blushed deep red, as did Bella. "For strong, happy children – when you desire them, of course. Although why you would wait so long is beyond my understanding. I was 16 when I led my people into battle, and 18 when I gave birth to my first daughter. You should not wait, you know … babies are meant to be birthed while the mother is yet young."

"Our world is different than yours," said Bella tactfully. "And I would willingly accept your blessing, Majesty." Bella closed her eyes as Kris placed her hand on top of Bella's head. The princess' eyes took on that faraway look again, and I realized it was the same look that Alice had when she was having a vision. There was a long silence from both of them. Finally, Kris took her hand away and looked at Bella soberly.

"You have suffered in our cause, young one. Your father has been a selfish and unworthy sire. Do you wish vengeance upon him?"

"Vengeance?" repeated Bella faintly. "What kind of vengeance did you have in mind?"

"Ill-fortune. Poor health. Death, perhaps." Kris suggested, and Bella blanched.

"Er … no thanks. This is not our way. And although he is a poor father, he's the only one I have. And despite all the pain he has caused me, I still love him."

"So I can see," Kris said. She looked over at me for a moment. "You also worry terribly for your love's health. I can assure you that both of you will live many decades, a long and healthy life. So have no more fear." Bella shot me a look but didn't say anything. How could we explain to them that my sickness was invisible and lay inside my mind?

Suddenly Bella stiffened and made a little sound of fear. One of the princess' red braids had come down off the back of her head and had coiled around Bella's long brown braid. "Your hair is similar to mine, although it lives not," Kris asked. "Why have you chosen to wear it this long? I understood that this is not the fashion in your world." Bella smiled, although her eyes never came off Kris' hair, which was still nosing around of its own accord.

"It was my way of remembering Edward during our time apart." My jaw dropped at this sudden confession, and I felt my throat tighten up. _All these years. _"Tell me," Bella said nervously, "are you making your hair do that through magic?"

"Do … what? Move in this fashion? No, my hair is living. Like an appendage, an arm or a leg. Its ability is limited, but it can come in handy when you have seven children. Or during a fight when picking up a sword from the battlefield."

"We used to watch you fight when we were children," I said suddenly. Kris turned to me with a pleased smile on her face. "This battle that we would see through the mirror … was this your war of liberation with the invaders?"

"Yes. It was my life's purpose to win that battle. It was what I was bred and born to do." She gestured to her body. "All of these things you find so curious and repellent about me … my body is designed to fight and survive beyond the capacity of any other member of my species."

"We always used to wonder why …" I lowered my voice and cast an uneasy look over to Shra. "… why you didn't kill the black monster at the end." Shra looked up in great interest. _So much for being subtle._

"There is no life without death, Edward. Shra is part of the natural order of this world. It comes to all of us in the end. One day, Shra will come for me."

"A day I look forward to eagerly, Majesty," it said. I paled at that.

"It certainly seems to … enjoy its work," I said tentatively. Kris and Phan chuckled.

"Shra is bound to me; this is why it is so resentful of me and those closest to me," Kris said. "Shra is forever bound to the leader of my people – it is a binding passed down through millennia. It lives in hope that one day, the bond will be broken prematurely, and it will be free to roam this world and others to feed. Until that day, it must serve me by preserving the natural order of life and death. Shra may only take those whose time has come – no more, no less."

I looked at the black monster doubtfully. "What would happen if you killed it?" I asked.

"The sun would go black," she said. "The world would end." She repeated her words from earlier. "There is no life without death."

"One day I will come for you, Teddy Cullen," Shra suddenly hissed.

"Oh, shut up," I said, much to Bella's alarm.

"Tiresome bugger, isn't it?" said Phan brightly. "Imagine living with it croaking doom at you, century upon century."

"If you are quite finished," said the princess with a smile. "I would bless my descendent." And she stepped forward, placing her hand gently on my head. For a moment, her fingers stroked my hair. "You very nearly inherited my hair as well as my eyes," she murmured. Then her eyes went blank, and I could feel the brush of her mind upon mine.

But a brush was all I felt, and she stopped. Adjusted the placement of her hands and began again. And stopped. This went on for several tries. Her expression went from puzzled to frustrated to anger. I backed up a couple of steps at the sight of her fury.

"What has been done to you?" she whispered. "What is this … this _stain_ upon your mind? Shra, is this your work?"

"Nay, Majesty," said Shra in a bored voice. "It is a mark of their world and its incessant desire for sameness. It is also the scar of the mirror's destruction. His damage is not my doing." Its mouth widened in a strange, mirthless grin. "In a way, Majesty, it is _your_ doing. Payment, perhaps, for continuing to meddle in the lives of a lesser species."

I opened my mouth to argue against this, but Kris silenced me with a look. "Kneel, my son," she said, and I did. "I cannot remove it all, but I will attempt to take away what I can. It will not hurt but it may feel odd. Please do not move away. Do you understand?" I looked at Bella a little wildly, and she stared back at me, clearly at a loss.

"You would … take away … the damage in my mind," I said disbelievingly.

"I would," she said. "If you will allow." I knelt, looking up at her. _'Cure' me? Did I even want that? Could I separate myself from the illness anymore, or had it defined me forever? Would I be lost forever if she took my illness away? What if she damaged me further in the process?_

Surely irrelevant since it was not possible. And in response, the voice inside my mind – the voice of my 13-year-old self who had, to all intents and purposes, died in the earthquake 10 years ago – spoke.

_Maybe in this place tonight, anything is possible._

_You deserve more, Edward. _

"I will allow it," I said and closed my eyes. We stayed this way a long time. I could feel her strain, hear her murmuring in her own strange tongue. It felt like someone was pushing inside my skull at one point. This went on for many minutes … maybe hours. Then it stopped, and she once again laid her hands lightly on my head. I could feel her mind touching my own in a different way as she blessed me.

When she signaled for me to get up, Kris was swiping at her hands with a look of disgust on her face. I could see nothing out of the ordinary on her fingers though. Nor did I feel any different – neither better nor worse. But I didn't allow this to show on my face. She may be an advanced species, but PTSD is a complex disease that couldn't be magicked away. Even I knew that.

"Perhaps," the princess said unexpectedly. Her husband came over and wrapped his arm around her waist. The time had come for us to part. Phan looked at us, his bright smile muted. He took Bella's hand and kissed it.

"Goodbye, dear heart. I am glad we met, if only briefly. Promise me you won't forget me."

"I won't," said Bella, her voice trembling a little. "How could I?" Phan clasped my hand tightly and made me promise to look after Bella for all my days. The princess kissed Bella goodbye and murmured into her ear for a moment. Bella's eyes went wide and she blushed. Kris pulled back and looked at her, and Bella nodded. I wasn't too sure I wanted to know what had just passed between them. Then Kris turned to me.

"Goodbye, my son," she said softly, leaning over to kiss me first on one cheek and then the other. "Remember me."

"I will. Always." She stepped away and raised her voice. "Shra! You will leave with us now. These young people do not need the company of death while they consecrate their love." Shra made a disgusted face and bounded away in an instant. But I noticed that it only went as far as the meadow below us, where it waited.

"Majesty," I said, and Kris looked at me. "It was not your doing … what happened to me. And even if it were, I would endure it again, many times over, to have Bella's love. I owe you nothing but gratitude for the joy you have given me. Given us. Thank you. For this." I gestured around me at the magical world of our childhood. "And for her." And I put my arm around Bella.

The princess looked at the two of us together.

"May the gods grant you happiness beyond measure," she said softly. And together, she and Phan left us. When they reached the bottom of the hill, Shra was sitting beside their horses, rising only as the princess approached. They looked at one another, then bowed briefly. Shra quickly vanished into the forest. Kris and Phan raised their hands in farewell, mounted, and rode away.

And Bella and I were left alone in the mirror world, under the two moons for the first time in a decade. For a long time, we didn't say anything.

"Do you really think she was able to … make you well?" asked Bella finally in a low voice.

"Not really," I replied. "You can't just fix someone's brain like that. But even still…" I trailed off, and Bella nodded. "I had no idea that you kept your hair long for me all these years. Why did you do that?" She blushed.

"Because you told me once when we were 12 or 13 that you liked my hair long. I never forgot that. So I kept growing it. I always felt prettier with long hair … I guess because you made me feel that way." I pulled her tighter against me and felt the warmth of her slim figure. In spite of everything that had happened – or maybe because of it – I could feel my own body responding.

I thought about what the princess had said earlier.

"Bella," I said shyly. "Would you lie with me here tonight? And make love with me?"

"Yes," she replied after a moment. "I think the princess wanted us to. That's why she took Shra away with her."

We walked back to the spot where we had all been sitting earlier. By the light of the moons, I carefully, reverently undressed Bella. With a little smile, I undid her locket and put it down beside my old bracelet on the ground. I stripped off my own clothes, finding myself more than ready for her, and her for me. Then I laid her down in the grass and loved her. Again and again, throughout that long night.

At the end, we lay together, absolutely spent. And for the very first time, we watched dawn break in the mirror world, our arms wrapped around one another. At the first sight of that alien sun, we drifted off to sleep.

We would awaken, several hours later, in Bella's bed, still wrapped in each other's arms.

~~ - ~~

And in the mirror world, the sun rose into the sky. Its rays reached out to touch two objects nestled in the grass.

A silver locket.

And a bracelet made of hair.

~~ - ~~

**A/N: A epilogue will follow shortly.**


	22. Epilogue

_**Twenty-three years later**_

~~ - ~~

"Higher. A little higher. That's good. Now to the left a tiny bit. No, that's too far."

I grunted in annoyance and strained my head around to look over my shoulder. "Are you messing with me?" I asked suspiciously.

"No, Dad, honest. Just take it back an inch to the right and it'll be perfect. That's great! Oh wait, now it's a little too low again." I let out a pained sigh and inched the mirror up a fraction. At that moment, someone else walked into the room.

"Jack," I said immediately. "Is your sister playing me?" Jack looked at me, struggling to hold the mirror, then back at his sister on the bed.

"Yes, Dad, she's playing you," he said.

"That's what I thought. You tell me – is this thing straight?" My son stepped back, look a long look, then helped me move the mirror slightly downward. He marked the corners with a pencil, then I set the mirror down with a groan. I whirled to look at my oldest child behind me. I tried – and failed – to look stern.

"What am I going to do with you?" I said helplessly, and my daughter burst into laughter. Jack just leaned against the wall of his sister's new place and grinned.

My children.

They never tell you in the parenting books about how to deal with a daughter whose main mission in life seemed to be teasing her old man to death. Mind you, they never adequately describe in the books just how incredible being a dad could be.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror as Kristen and Jack chattered behind me. Well, Kristen chattered … Jack listened.

I didn't look enormously different than I had the day Bella and I had awaked in bed together after meeting the princess and her consort inside the mirror. A little heavier. My hair was going a bit grey, and when I chose to forgo shaving, my stubble grew in white in spots. Lines around the eyes, more around my mouth. But those lines came from living – living a life of joy beyond my wildest dreams.

I had never experienced another flashback since that night inside the mirror.

I still had nightmares and the occasional panic attack, but those had tapered off over the years. But the debilitating flashbacks were completely gone. My therapist at the time felt it was because we had made some kind of "breakthrough" in my treatment. Bella took a surprisingly pragmatic view, saying it probably had a great deal to do with learning the truth about our childhood and finally exorcising my terror of the black monster.

Perhaps they were both right. Or not. But I accepted it a gift to be cherished all my days.

"Edward?" Bella called from the living room.

"In here," I said, measuring out where I needed to drill the holes for the mirror.

My wife came in, and the whole room seemed to light up. She was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. The only woman I'd ever had, ever wanted.

~~ - ~~

We had shocked just about everyone – except Alice of course – when we decided to get married in the same year we had re-entered the mirror. But for us, it was a no-brainer. When you know for a fact that you are destined for one another, it makes the whole commitment thing a lot easier. And we knew time was growing short for Grandpa Jack, so we decided sooner would be better than later.

Jack walked Bella down the aisle to me.

My parents had given us a honeymoon vacation in the Caribbean as a wedding present. But we spent our wedding night in our own bed, in our own little apartment that we had rented. Well, we'd spent _part_ of the night there anyway.

The hill and the meadow were deserted when we stepped into the mirror world. Secretly, I think both of us had hoped against hope that somehow Kris and Phan would change their mind and come to visit us on our wedding night.

Instead, lying in the grass was a scroll. It was tied with an ornate ribbon, the end of which was driven down into the earth by sword point. The sword hilt bore the same emblem as the scroll was sealed with. Mystified, we pulled the sword out of the ground, released the scroll and broke the seal. The parchment was very large. The two of us stared at it for a moment, then Bella gasped.

"It's a family tree … this is our genealogy," she said in wonder. Every generation, carefully recorded in calligraphy. From Kris' foster mother all the way down to us, each joining of the blood lines carefully recorded. There was a small note fastened to the scroll with two sentences written in flowing script.

_You will note that there is much space at the bottom. Best get to work._

Beneath it was the same emblem we had seen earlier – clearly the mark of the royal house. And indeed, there was empty space at the bottom of the chart for the next generation of children – _our children_ – and more.

Making love to Bella was mind-blowing at the best of times. Inside the mirror, the act of love was transcendent. On our wedding night, outside, beneath the twin moons … well, there were no words. Partway through the night, we heard explosions in the distance and saw brilliant trails of color reaching up impossibly high into the sky. Fireworks. For us. We watched, oohing and ahhing like a couple of kids. It lasted for what felt like hours, each burst more exciting than the last.

"Hard to top that," I said with a smile when they were done.

"Let me try," Bella whispered, pushing me back into the soft grass.

It had taken us a while to understand the real meaning of "good fortune." I kept buying lottery tickets at first, to no avail. But as the years rolled on, we began to learn.

Good fortune was no life-threatening illnesses or accidents in the family for years at a time. It was having enough to cover the necessities during hard times, and a little bit extra during the good. It was fulfilling careers – mine in business intelligence and Bella's as a child psychologist. It was realizing 20 years after she walked down the aisle to you that you were still hopelessly in love with your wife.

It was two people making a life together out of love.

Royal advice to the contrary, we had decided to have two children.

Starting a family was something we'd talked about on and off since we'd gotten married. I'll never forget having sex for the first time knowing that we were consciously trying _not_ to prevent a pregnancy. It seemed so contrary to everything we'd been told to do all our young lives.

I'll also never forget it because we were in the mirror world that night. Prior to this, the mirror had only opened for us on our wedding night and then for each anniversary of the night we met Kris and Phan. Then suddenly, this night. The first night we tried to conceive a child. Somebody was still watching us. Bella had been so wracked with nerves going in that night that I almost turned around and hustled her right back out.

"No!" she had protested when I suggested that we return home so she could relax. "I want to make love! I want to make a baby!"

"Bella," I said soothingly. "We're just starting out. There's nothing that says we'll make a baby tonight. I just want to love you." I held her in my arms, rubbing her back and trying to hide the fact that I had a raging hard-on. Baby-making or no baby-making, I was always panting for sex when we were in the mirror world. I swear Kris had put something in the air here to make me horny. Needless to say, Bella didn't miss the fact that I was eager. And as usual, we had the best sex of our lives on the grass under the stars.

The test went positive five weeks later.

"How is this possible?" I said faintly as Bella showed me the pregnancy test in her hand. "The first night? Are you sure?" I looked at her blushingly beautiful face more closely. "Wait a minute. You _are_ sure. Did you have an inside track on this? Did somebody promise you something a few years back?"

"Yes," she said, bursting with excitement. "Kris promised me this would happen." Her brown eyes filled with sudden happy tears. "She told me …" she whispered, her voice trembling a little. "She told me it would be a baby girl."

The books never tell you that you end up crying more than you ever thought possible when you're a parent. Buckets of tears … most of them happy.

Kristen Anne Cullen, conceived in the night in another world, was born in the night in this one. I stood at the foot of the bed, watching as Bella pushed. Slowly our little daughter began to emerge. I watched in fascination … the puzzlement … then alarm.

"What? What is … what's going on? What is that?" I stammered, but everyone was too intent on the delivery to answer. A few pushes later, and our beautiful baby girl made her entrance into the world, fists waving as she bawled furiously.

"Look at that HAIR!" exclaimed the nurse, holding her up to Bella and me. "She's got red hair for sure, and so much of it!" When I eagerly took our daughter in my arms for the first time, I could see she had a startling thick cap of rich red hair. That had been what I'd seen during the crowning that looked so out of place.

Kristen may have looked like the princess, but she had Grandpa Jack's personality through and through. We were overjoyed that he had lived to hold his first great-grandchild, devastated when he died before the second could be born. Jack Riley Cullen came into the world only a few months after his namesake left it.

Jack was as thoughtful and quiet as Kristen was exuberant. My son reminded me of me –the introvert I had been as a teenager. But Jack wasn't unhappy or depressed … he was just quiet. The spitting image of Bella with his dark brown hair and eyes, Jack was our old soul.

~~ - ~~

"I think we're almost done," said Bella, wiping her hands as she came into the room. "Once you've got the mirror up, we can take a break for lunch."

"MOM!" Bella winced a little as the voice rolled through the apartment like thunder. "Marie's touching the chicken you bought for lunch!"

"Chicken? I hope there's something else because I'm not eating any chicken!" exclaimed Kristen. "I'm a vegetarian now."

"Since when?" I asked, but I never got my answer because Marie and Phillip came running into the room.

We had _decided_ to have two children. We ended up having four.

~~ - ~~

Phillip was my fault entirely. But it had been our first vacation alone for nearly three years and when Bella bent over in that little bathing suit to find the sunscreen in our suitcase at the hotel, I had just … lost it. Neither of us was inclined to consider birth control in the heat of the moment. Next thing we knew, we were pregnant again. Our second son had dark hair and eyes like Jack, but that's where the resemblance ended. Phillip was a miniature version of his uncle Emmett – loud, boisterous and strong. After his birth, Bella had gotten her tubes tied to protect against her oversexed husband.

A year after Phillip Daniel had entered the world, Bella had started feeling off. Phillip had just self-weaned. In a matter of a few weeks, my wife went from being a happy but tired mother of three to being unable to get out of bed without vomiting. I was beside myself with worry.

Alice finally convinced Bella to take a home pregnancy test. I apologized to the neighbors afterwards for the screaming. Either my boys were Olympic swimmers or something had gone terribly wrong with the tubal ligation. Marie Alexandra, named for my Gran, was born six months later. She had bronze curls, the face of an angel and ruled me from the second she left her mother's body.

I meekly submitted to a vasectomy shortly thereafter.

~~ - ~~

Two things had happened after Kristen's birth that altered the course of our lives.

In the weeks after her birth, we watched as one of her eyes darkened into brown, and the other went green. I couldn't say it was a surprise to either of us, but it was difficult nonetheless. We knew the Sight did not come without a cost.

And as the months passed, we realized the mirror had closed to us again. There was no explanation why, but both of us were devastated. It was a mystery that remained unanswered for a few years until one night, we woke up to find Kristen in the bedroom with us.

"What is it, sweetie?" I mumbled into the pillow. "Is Jack crying? Did you have a bad dream?"

"No," she said very calmly. "I'm looking at the pictures."

"What pictures?"

"The ones in the mirror."

We were both instantly awake, sitting up to peer at the mirror in the darkness of the room. Its surface was dark and silent to us. But not to our four-year-old daughter, it would seem.

And so the story began once again.

~~ - ~~

"C'mon Edward, it's time to go," Bella whispered to me as I puttered about the apartment, straightening things that weren't crooked and tidying up messes that didn't exist. "We need to get the rest of the kids back to the hotel. And Kristen needs her space. We'll be back tomorrow when her roommates arrive."

I smiled at that … Kristen was starting her second year of UCLA. She had spent last year in residence, but this year, she had built-in roommates. Grace Whitlock – Alice and Jasper's only child – and Brandon Cullen – Emmett and Rosalie's son – were both starting their first year of university. Brandon's younger sister, Emily, would join them next year. I was glad Kristen would be living with her cousins; they were all terrific kids. Between me, my sister and my brother, we had seven children and not a bum in the lot. But I was still her dad, and it was hard to know that my little girl was now a beautiful young woman who was striking out on her own.

Thank God Kristen had Alice to help her manage her Sight.

"Okay," I said, pulling Bella into a long, comforting hug. She felt so warm and soft in my arms, and I couldn't help but react. After a moment, she stepped away, her face flushed. We tried to be careful of our PDAs around the kids. They didn't need to know much their mom and dad still desired each other after all these years. Even I knew that was gross.

"You're leaving now?" asked Kristen hesitantly as we started pulling our things – and kids – together.

"Yeah," I said. "Everyone's tired from the drive down yesterday and the move today." Marie was dozing on the couch, and Phillip didn't look far behind. "Do you want me or Mom to stay with you tonight? Are you nervous being alone in your new place?" Kristen put her arms around me and hugged me tight. Her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail that dangled down to her shoulder blades; she had no desire to have the same long hair her mother had had at her age.

_Had._ Bella had cut off her fabulously long hair and donated it to Locks of Love not long before we were married. "I don't need it to feel pretty around you anymore," she had whispered just before the hairdresser had sliced off the first of her multiple braids. Locks of Love still sent Christmas cards to us every year – they'd probably never received a donation like that in their entire history.

"I'm okay, Daddy," Kristen said, snuggling against me. "But thanks. Thanks for moving me down here, thanks for putting everything together for me, thanks for being the best parents in the world." She looked at me for a moment, then her eyes glazed over. I waited patiently for it to pass. "Uncle Emmett and Auntie Rose will be a little late tomorrow, but don't ask them why. You don't want to know."

I made a horrified face, and Kristen laughed. She walked us to the door, hugged all of us goodbye, and we went back to the van.

Despite being bone weary, I had trouble falling asleep that night. I went into the adjoining room to check on Jack, Phillip and Marie; all three were sound asleep. Bella's soft, regular breathing told me she was in dreamland too.

I stood at the window of our hotel room, looking out over the eternally bright city of Los Angeles. I thought about everything and everyone who had brought us to this point. I thought about my oldest daughter, her Sight and what destiny the mirror might hold for her in the years ahead. I thought about my three younger children, safe and sound in the room next door. And I thought about my dear wife, who was the other half of my soul.

_I am the luckiest guy in the world._

And perhaps he was.

~~ - ~~

**Author's Closing Notes**

I want to thank everyone who read _The Mirrors_, especially those who admitted that they had no idea what the hell was going for the first few chapters. I know it wasn't your average fic, and I'm grateful to the patience and support the readership showed.

I'm grateful to the fantasy buffs who suffered through the real world parts of the story, and the shameless pervs who endured the fantasy portion. To the awesome folks on the Twilighted thread, all the people who pimped TM on their blogs and podcasts, and to the gang on Twitter who rock my world.

And as always, I owe so much to algonquinrt and mskathy, both of whom are fuckawesome ladies and terrific friends.

For inspiration, I listened to Loreena McKennitt's _An Ancient Muse_. It puts Algie to sleep, but it always helped me find Teddy and Swan (_Penelope's Song_), the princess (_Beneath a Phyrgian Sky_) and Edward and Bella (_Never-ending Road_). You can listen to excerpts from all the songs on Loreena McKennitt's website.

I may write an outtake which would be the lemontastic night that Bella and Edward spent in the mirror world the night they met the princess. So if you're not into the sexy times, just skip over that if you see it in your inbox. But I'm not guaranteeing anything.

I don't plan to write a sequel to this story, but I do plan to take some time off to catch up on my reading! I'll be back later this summer with a new story set in the _Behind Enemy Lines_ universe, so make sure you put me on Author Alert if you're interested.

Thanks to all,

AC


	23. Lemontastic Night in the Mirror World

**A/N: This outtake is one big lemon from beginning to end. Pure smut. Don't like the shmexin'? Then move along 'cause there's nothing else here for you to see. Please note there are no major plot points in here that you will miss out on if you don't want to read this.**

**Hopey, you know which scene is just for you, bb.**

**Hugs to all the beautiful ladies representing us so well at Comic Con. **

BPOV

We stood there in silence for a long time, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

"Do you really think she was able to … make you well?" I asked quietly.

"Not really," Edward replied. "You can't just fix someone's brain like that. But even still…" he trailed off, and I nodded thoughtfully. After tonight, it seemed like just about anything was possible.

"I had no idea that you kept your hair long for me all these years. Why did you do that?" I blushed, feeling shy, feeling like I was suddenly a teenager again. I looked at Edward through my lashes.

"Because you told me once when we were 12 or 13 that you liked my hair long. I never forgot that. So I kept growing it. I always felt prettier with long hair … I guess because you made me feel that way." He pulled me in tighter against his long, lean body, and I felt like I was melting into him. I suddenly found myself wanting him … a lot.

"Bella," said Edward shyly. "Would you lie with me here tonight? And make love with me?" I felt the blush in my face go all the way down between my legs. The combination of Edward's innocence and eagerness was irresistible for me. Maybe all the earlier talk about procreation had sent my ovaries into overdrive. Whatever the reason, I was suddenly turned on in a really big way.

"Yes," I said. "I think the princess wanted us to. That's why she took Shra away with her."

We walked back to the spot where we had all been sitting earlier. Edward began to take my clothes off. He did it so slowly that I was nearly out of my mind by the time he knelt in front of me to slide my damp underwear down my thighs. Then he removed his own clothing down to his boxers, and I could see that he was just as eager for me as I was for him. I could see his erection pressing at the fabric of his shorts, and reached for it. But he pushed my hand away gently, and then took me down into the grass.

"Is this okay?" he asked anxiously. I was amazed at how soft the grass was. I had never been naked outside before, and I found it very arousing. The breeze blew over my body, hardening my nipples into two tingling points. I wanted his mouth on them, on me, all over me. I had never wanted him this badly before; my whole body was aching.

"It's wonderful," I breathed, holding my arms out to him. Edward knelt down in front of me, his eyes travelling up and down my naked body. Finally he leaned forward and kissed me, his lips soft and warm. I reached up and tried to pull him down against me, but he smiled and shook me off.

"No," he said quietly but firmly, sending a surge of desire rushing through me. "Let me do it." His lips slid over my jaw and down my throat, his tongue blazing across my skin. He kissed all the way down between my breasts, then ran the very tip of his tongue up the swell of one breast to the edge of my nipple. He nibbled teasingly all around it until I begged him for more. I was trembling when his lips finally closed over my hard tip, sucking it into his mouth. The jolt of pleasure shot down between my legs and made me gasp. I squeezed my thighs together, wet and achy for him.

I moaned when his mouth left my swollen nipple and slid downward over my stomach. And kept going. As he moved further down my body, spreading my thighs with his knees, I realized what he was going to do. What he was going to do for the very first time in his life.

"Edward, you don't need to …" He cut me off with a fiercely determined look.

"I want to. I need to." I lay back in the grass, shaking with anticipation. Ever so slowly, he started to inch his way down between my legs.

I felt his face sliding over the soft skin, his stubble scratching a little, making me squirm. He brought his arms up around my thighs, repositioning me so I was fully open to him. A moment passed, and then another. Then I felt him lower his head and blow gently on my pubic hair to part it. I choked back a scream as his warm breath streamed over my aching clitoris.

A moment later, I felt his nose nudging softly into my curls. I shivered in anticipation. Then he took an experimental little lick, like a kid trying a new flavor of popsicle for the first time. Then another lick, slower and longer than the first one. And another. I whimpered at the feel of his tongue dragging over me, and Edward moaned softly in response. I looked hazily down at him and watched as he buried his head between my thighs with abandon.

His tongue wiggled downward, finding my warm, wet entrance and burrowing into it. I couldn't hold still, rubbing myself against his face. He continued his exploration between my thighs, licking and teasing as he went. After a bit, his tongue wandered back up, hunting around for exactly the right spot. I let him know when he found it, pressing my hand against the back of his head to hold him there. His full lips closed around my clit and sucked on it gently, making me cry out with pleasure.

Then he started licking me again, his heavy tongue slowly rasping over and around my clit, never losing contact with it. The feeling started building up in waves, each one getting stronger than the last. The whole universe had contracted down to sensation of his warm tongue licking me for no other purpose than to bring me to orgasm. It was so good, too good, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

"Edward," I gasped. "You're making me … oh … Jesus!" I screamed as I burst into his mouth, arching my back as a ferocious orgasm rolled through me. He kept his tongue on me until I finally had to move him gently aside because I had gotten too sensitive to bear.

I looked down my body at him as he emerged from between my legs. He was panting, wiping his mouth against his bare arm. Edward had a confused, needy look in his eyes as he stared at me. I was so lost in my own afterglow that it took me a moment to figure out what he needed.

"Edward." His eyes shot up to mine. "Did doing that to me that make you excited?"

"Yes," he said in a rough voice. "I … I … oh Bella …when you came, I thought I was going to come too. I … I almost did, right in my shorts." The thought of him spurting into his boxers sent another monumental wave of lust over me, and I was instantly dying to pleasure him.

"Lie back" I sat up and pushed him down on his back. I gingerly pulled off his shorts which had a big damp spot at the top. His erection was rock hard and throbbing, fluid already dripping from its head. I pulled his cock carefully away from his body, then slid it into my mouth, Edward crying out as he felt the heat and wet surrounding him.

I sucked hard, swirling my tongue around him and tasting the drops of sweet-salty liquid on the tip. I let him slide deep into my mouth, relaxing so he could go as far as possible. Then very slowly, I slid back up, my lips wrapped around his shaft. I slipped my hand down to his balls, caressing them. He moaned, thrusting himself into my mouth. I licked all the way up his penis, slipping over the head then rubbing the underside of his cock with my tongue. He was twitching madly in my mouth, and I knew he wasn't going to last much longer. Wrapping my hand around his base, I sucked and stroked him at the same time, wanting to make him feel the same incredible sensations he had given me a few minutes ago.

"Bella … Bella … I'm gonna … I can't stop … " His hips were straining upward, and I took him deep into me, squeezing his balls one more time. I felt them tighten in my hand, then his hips jerked and my mouth was filled with hot, salty semen. I swallowed it with a grimace. _The things we do for love!_ I tongued him softly until he withdrew from my mouth. His head was flung back in the grass as he caught his breath.

"Good?" I asked, laying my head on his thigh.

"God yes," he panted. The two of us lay there for a long while in the moonlight. Finally, I excused myself, pulled on my shirt and ran down the hill to rinse my mouth in the stream. When I turned, Edward was kneeling down beside me to do the same thing, dressed only in his underwear. Once he was done, he looked at me and blushed.

"It's okay," I said reassuringly. "Yours doesn't taste fantastic either." His face was scarlet with embarrassment.

"You taste nice, actually," he mumbled. "At least … better than I thought it would. But I wasn't sure if you'd want to kiss me with … you know … that stuff all over my face."

"I always want to kiss you," I whispered. "I always want you." I looked shyly down at the grass. My eyes widened when I saw his cock twitch visibly inside his shorts, starting to stiffen. I couldn't believe he was getting ready to go again so soon.

"Jesus," Edward said desperately. "What is _with_ me tonight?" I just stared, mesmerized, at his crotch. Then I reached out and traced the outline of his growing penis through his boxers very slowly, making him gasp. I put my hand on him and rubbed him all over through the fabric until he was fully hard again. "Bella … Jesus …feels so _good_."

"I don't know what's with you," I murmured in his ear. "But I seem to have it too. And I want you inside me. Right now." Edward's eyes flew wide open as I pushed down hard against his shoulders. He half sat, half fell to the ground, taking me down with him. His breathless laughter turned into a groan as I ground hard against his cock; I wasn't wearing any pants and it didn't take him long to feel how ready I was for him.

We had a brief wrestling match with our remaining clothes, then we were both naked again. Edward eyes rolled back as I took him in my hand, positioned him under me and then took him all the way into my body. I held still for a moment, adjusting to his size, to the familiar internal twinge of having a man pushed deep inside me. Then gently, I rolled my hips and started to move.

The white moon set as we made love. Since we'd taken the edge off earlier, we both lasted longer. I wanted to stay like this forever, lost in our own private world of love and belonging. But after a timeless while, the steady friction against my nerves began driving me toward a climax. Edward's hands came up to cup my breasts above him, rubbing his thumbs across my sensitive nipples. I arched my back and cried his name aloud as I came around him. Edward squeezed his eyes shut and held perfectly still for a moment after my orgasm subsided. When he had control again, he thrust up into me, hard as steel.

"I love you so very much," he whispered.

"You too," I said huskily back, still twitching with aftershocks. I laced my fingers with his and moved ever so slowly atop him, helping him last longer. But when I came a second time, he couldn't hold back again. As he burst up into me, the warm fluid filling me up inside. I thought briefly of what the princess had told me, and smiled to myself. _One day …_

But not tonight.

I collapsed down beside him and snuggled into his chest. We both lay there in a stupor for a long while until I started shivering. Then we climbed up the hill and put some of our clothes back on. We curled up in the grass, my head on Edward's chest, looking up at the blue moon shining brilliantly in the night.

"I'd like to stay awake long enough to see the sunrise," he whispered. "Just once."

"Me too."

We talked for a long while about everything and nothing … a long, dreamy conversation punctuated with a lot of kisses and quiet laughter. I was glad we were alone because I'm sure we were a little hard to take. We were both very relaxed but surprisingly alert. Time seemed to take on a different meaning as the night wore on and blue moon slowly sank in the night sky. Until finally, Edward's hands left my hair (which he had unbraided and combed out with his fingers while we talked) and started moving over my body again.

"What feels good?" he asked shyly as he unzipped my yoga jacket and pushed it back so he could cup my breasts through my thin t-shirt. I shivered with pleasure as his fingertips teased my nipples into hard points. "Tell me what feels best … you know I'm not very experienced."

"No, but you're a quick learner," I gasped. He rolled my nipples gently in his fingers. "Oh God, _that _feels good. So good." Edward pushed up my shirt and fastened his mouth on to one of the hard peaks. He sucked hard on it, then nibbled a little with his teeth. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"I guess that felt good too?" he mumbled into my breast. In response, I wound my fingers into his bronze hair that gleamed darkly in the remaining starlight, and tugged hard. He cried out and ground into my thigh. "You stop," he said, looking up with a sheepish smile. "I'm trying to educate myself here. You getting me all worked up in the process isn't helping." I laughed softly.

"You're already the most wonderful lover," I said, caressing his head.

"Watch me get better," he whispered with unexpected boldness, and returned to his explorations. He worked his way down my body, looking for all the secret, sensitive places. By the time, he made his way back up my inner thighs, I was dripping wet for him. Very gently, he slipped his fingers into me. Then stopped. "Um …" He shifted his fingers inside me, hunting around. "So I know there's supposed to be some kind of place in here …"

"Up," I said. "Curl your fingers up toward my belly button. It feels different than the rest, kinda spongy and … _oh_!"

"Got it," he said, grinning a little. His long fingers gently stroked the spot inside me, sending waves of warmth through my lower body. A moment later, he started rubbing me with his thumb on the outside, and I found myself rocketing toward a climax. For a moment, my vision grayed out as wave after wave of pleasure swamped me. When I finally came down, Edward was lying with his head on my thighs, his green eyes bright with excitement.

"Good trick, huh?" I teased. He nodded. I could see a faint flush of grey appearing in the sky, and knew dawn would soon be here. "Make love to me one more time?"

"Oh yes please."

I winced a little as he slipped into me – my body was tender after all the attention it had received tonight. He noticed and moved very gently. My hands slid around his warm shoulders, and Edward softly pressed his forehead to mine.

"Love you," he whispered, his voice a little ragged.

"Love you too. Your turn, beloved," I said, letting him know not to wait for me. A few moments later, his movements sped up and he came with a cry in the pale dawn of the mirror world.

The sun was creeping to the edge of the horizon as he sleepily rolled off me and snuggled close. Edward was holding me in his arms, warm and safe, as the sun's rays broke over the edge of the land and shone down on us for the very first time. It was bright and very beautiful … almost pink rather than yellow. It seemed much larger than our sun.

And then … nothing.

Just love.

~~ - ~~


End file.
